Curiousity on Profiles

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Curiousity on Profiles

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Curiousity on Profiles

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Curiousity on Profiles - 5/1/2014 9:03:35 AM

joether

Posts: 5195
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

To all the wonderful and nice Ladies, I have a question....

I've seen many hundreds if not thousands of profiles while being a member of Cm, and have often wondered something. Many profiles will say to those sending mail to them to not A ) give them one line replies, B ) pictures of the Male 'Beast', C ) Behave in a rude, crude, or immature manner.

How effective is this?

When I send out such mail to Dommes, I'm lucky if I get 1/12 replies back. I'll start it with a letter format: "Dear (the person's name)". followed by 2-3 paragraphs, each with 2-4 sentences. I try to put in material that is relevant to the person. What their likes, enjoyments or thoughts from their journals. Maybe include my likes (as they relate to the other person's) in a paragraph. Nothing demanding and (hopefully) nothing rude or disrespectful. At the end of it, I leave it as "Sincerely," or "Hope your day/weekend is wonderful,".

I'm not the most perfect of subs. Thought I try to be. I'm wondering....what the hell am I doing wrong here? Focusing solely on the emails, not my 'super and impressive profile'.....(that has to be worked on once more).

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Curiousity on Profiles - 5/1/2014 9:15:44 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

No doubt others will be along to check out your profile and give you suggestions, or refer you to other discussion threads.

Since you've been here since 2005, surely you have already read the Ask a Mistress stickies at the top of the forum with helpful advice, I presume.

Here's an active thread on "Dommes" http://www.collarchat.com/m_4686757/tm.htm

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to joether)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Curiousity on Profiles - 5/1/2014 9:25:59 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I am not ticked as a domme.
yet I get more cmail than I care to think about from subs (male AND female).

Make sure that the person you are contacting IS listed as a domme, that nothing in her profile would indicate that she ticked that box because options are limited, and that she is actively seeking a sub.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Curiousity on Profiles - 5/1/2014 9:28:37 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Id dare say that the stipulations probably would not effectively stop the sending of any messages that violate the stipulations. It's just the nature of the beast...so to speak. The only choice the recipient has is to either reply to the message or ignore it.

Not really sure you are doing anything wrong. Can't say for sure, but Ill give you the benefit of the doubt. What was typed in the email format you laid out seems fairly reasonable in a general sense. Unfortunately it takes a hell of a lot of patience to fish these particular waters. It honestly took me 6 years to finally find my guy!

All you can really do is keep trying

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 5/1/2014 9:29:02 AM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Curiousity on Profiles - 5/1/2014 9:51:57 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Okay, I'm going to have to go there with a quickie assessment.

Your issue is lack of responses. If your messages are being read, and if your profile is being viewed (which might not appear on your Viewing List, btw), your profile starts off well.

Then you have an off-putting section. Not to me personally, but it could be to other Dommes.
You say there are moments you have to be Dominant.
Nothing wrong with that, in itself, but this sounds like you are a switch. Again, nothing wrong with that either...except that you classify yourself as a sub.
I would take that whole part out and substitute it by emphasizing that you are masculine, capable, self-motivated and perhaps multi-faceted.
You do come across as intelligent and profound, not a superficial fantasist.
It's good that you're willing to relocate, but often this can send a subliminal message questioning your ability to be self-supporting. You should make some sort of reference to allay those concerns.

Another thing, about your stats. You have no height or weight listed, not to mention no photo(s). Some people will assume the worst if you give them nothing to work with in these areas.

Your one journal entry is not inspiring. You complain about never getting a response back, which is self-fulfilling defeatism. Not an attractive trait.

Sometimes less is more. Cut your introductory message in half. You can fill them in on the rest later once you DO receive a response. Bon chance!

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to joether)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Curiousity on Profiles - 5/1/2014 11:36:45 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

This is pretty much what I was just about to write. Yes, the "there are moments I have to be Dominant" part of your profile raised a red flag. Males who try to dominate women are a huge turnoff, not just for Myself but most other Dommes I speak with (those who aren't switches).

I agree with FieryOpal, you would be better off listing yourself as a switch. No one wants to have a happy TPE thing going on and then suddenly the "sub" turns and says, "Now it's MY turn to be dominant."

Yeahhhh...not gonna happen. That'd be listed under "50 Shades of Nope" Hard Limit in My book.

Remember, there really are hundreds of other subs competing for the attention of Dommes in your area, so Dommes are constantly sifting through emails and profiles, screening and culling. If there is something in your letter or profile a Domme doesn't like the look of, She simply moves on to examine the next sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Okay, I'm going to have to go there with a quickie assessment.

Your issue is lack of responses. If your messages are being read, and if your profile is being viewed (which might not appear on your Viewing List, btw), your profile starts off well.

Then you have an off-putting section. Not to me personally, but it could be to other Dommes.
You say there are moments you have to be Dominant.
Nothing wrong with that, in itself, but this sounds like you are a switch. Again, nothing wrong with that either...except that you classify yourself as a sub.
I would take that whole part out and substitute it by emphasizing that you are masculine, capable, self-motivated and perhaps multi-faceted.
You do come across as intelligent and profound, not a superficial fantasist.
It's good that you're willing to relocate, but often this can send a subliminal message questioning your ability to be self-supporting. You should make some sort of reference to allay those concerns.

Another thing, about your stats. You have no height or weight listed, not to mention no photo(s). Some people will assume the worst if you give them nothing to work with in these areas.

Your one journal entry is not inspiring. You complain about never getting a response back, which is self-fulfilling defeatism. Not an attractive trait.

Sometimes less is more. Cut your introductory message in half. You can fill them in on the rest later once you DO receive a response. Bon chance!

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Curiousity on Profiles - 5/1/2014 3:06:02 PM

joether

Posts: 5195
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

I've been on Cm since 2005, and doing BDSM far longer than that. I understand that no Domme stays dominant 100% of the time. And there will be moments when she wants and/or needs that Dominant moment from someone she trusts. Not something I do as some 'switch' or 'topping from the bottom' fantasy. Life has a way of beating any of us down. On multitude of small stressors to one or two big problems. To say someone is to be Dominant 100% of the time is total fantasy and unrealistic. As I said, I'm not a Dom. I'll play the part when forced to, or when she wants/needs it to regain that Domme mind. Everyone needs a break from their usual role from time to time. I wrote that introduction some time ago. Maybe I was being realistic, but, as some of you have pointed out, not the way that best conveys it in words.

I had to leave the profile blank due to a stalker. That was a change I made some time ago. In truth, when standing next to me, you'll look up to see my face. 99.98% of the population of this planet is shorter than I am. I have many interests in and outside of BDSM. An most people tend to like my personality. I'm one of those passionate people in the scene. Have been out of the community for some time, and a bit...scared...to get back into it.

An yes, have read the 'Ask a Mistress' document several times.

The point of my question was wondering why do Dommes encourage the bad behavior, one liners, and other acts of rudeness in their profiles and flood their emails? Why give it strength by mentioning it? I try to steer clear of that stuff. If someone's profile interests me, I'll mention it. But do try to be nice and considerate (failing that, being sincere). Would think that would garner more attention in the form of a reply. I do understand that the ladies receive a billion an a half emails from dumb and horny males. Before this thread was created, to the current, three wonderful Dommes have looked at my profile. Serving a Domme is both a wonderful and some times....stressful....adventure. Seeing them happy, healthy, and succeeding in life, is what I strive when serving them.

When I redo the profile, I'll rethink things. Just don't wish to turn it into a novel....

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Curiousity on Profiles - 5/1/2014 7:43:41 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

It is definitely bad out there. Response rates are super low. 1/12 is about the same as my experience.

It helps, though, to get great messages from Fem Doms in one's inbox after they check your profile. (That's how life would work in a fantasy world.....)

(in reply to joether)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Curiousity on Profiles - 5/1/2014 9:25:35 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Boy, boy... (that's all I can manage to utter while I'm sputtering coffee onto my keyboard :o)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joether

In truth, when standing next to me, you'll look up to see my face. 99.98% of the population of this planet is shorter than I am.
<snip>
When I redo the profile, I'll rethink things. Just don't wish to turn it into a novel....

<regaining composure>
To hell with your stalker! Add or subtract an inch to your actual height. If you're like me, you're at halvsies anyway. You have a très desirable attribute and you don't put it out there?

Come on, it's been nearly 9 years on this site. Maybe you had a pic you took down, but even a sunset will do. Better yet, a partial silhouette, or my personal favorite--the fedora hat partially covering your face and wearing a pair of sunglasses to obscure your facial features.
You're relying too heavily on the written medium. I know. I can't believe I said that either.

As for writing a novel, what you have is fine other than that one problematic section that you can revise. You're standing on a principle that only someone like myself can appreciate, and I'm a rare bird.

(You're out in Boston, and I don't do long distance, so that wasn't a come on. Plus you're a couple years shy of my minimum age, which is already lower than what I'd actually prefer.)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to joether)

Profile

Post #: 9