RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages

RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (Full Version)

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KYsissy -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/5/2014 3:12:22 PM)
FR It could also be that they are trying to elicit a Mistressy response, a pissed off mistressy response, that they can spank to while reading.

LordHeimdall -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/5/2014 3:27:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AdamKessler Hm... Sounds like you're not doing it right then. I mean, if you're in the business of exploiting people you should at least give it your all. Although, I'm not sure I can really blame you. Clearly this whole FinDom thing wouldn't exist if there weren't men with such low self-respect to taken in by it. When I really start to think about it, it's quite ingenious actually. Very Darwin-esque. Edit: Well, I mean, the first line of your profile info calls them "pay pigs". In bold no less. It's clearly a large factor, if not the primary one. I swear, as I was reading your last two posts I heard Aretha Franklin singing... quote: R E S P E C T Find out what it means to me R E S P E C T Take care, T.C.B. As for the FinDom thing... To each their own. You have your kink. They have their kink. If their kink is not for you, you don't have to participate, but you should respect it and not insult it. Their kink is not my kink, I am not a Sub. I will not be PMing Alice and sending her Trinkets, but I wish her well from all those that are into that. She does not deserve to be insulted by people in PM, let alone here in the boards. Have, as Aretha says, a little 'R E S P E C T.'

amazonglamour -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/5/2014 4:32:40 PM)
Being a findom is no more exploitative than being a sex phone operator, only you're independently employed instead of giving tons of money to an agency. These men are paying you to tailor your style to their specific fantasy, and nothing happens that isn't consensual. Honestly it's no more exploitative than any writing or acting job. You're providing a service, there's nothing shameful in that.

alicerabbit -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/5/2014 5:04:39 PM)
Thank you.

ThePrincessKali -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/5/2014 8:33:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AdamKessler Hm... Sounds like you're not doing it right then. I mean, if you're in the business of exploiting people you should at least give it your all. Although, I'm not sure I can really blame you. Clearly this whole FinDom thing wouldn't exist if there weren't men with such low self-respect to taken in by it. When I really start to think about it, it's quite ingenious actually. Very Darwin-esque. Edit: Well, I mean, the first line of your profile info calls them "pay pigs". In bold no less. It's clearly a large factor, if not the primary one. We don't exploit anyone. If we were promising something, getting paid for it, and then not delivering, then that would be exploitation. However it is completely consensual. And in most cases Fin Subs ask us if they can send us money. They fantasize about it and are excited by the idea. How is that exploiting anyone? And just because she isn't making a ton of money doesn't mean she's wrong. I don't make a lot of money as a Fin Domme because I am selective or which subs can serve me. I don't do anything I'm not comfortable with and there is only a specific type of sub that excites me. So if someone who doesn't fit those perimeters offers to serve me, I turn them down. It isn't always about the money and making sweeping generalizations about something you don't understand is ignorant.

AdamKessler -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 8:18:02 AM)
You can wrap it in any package you like I suppose. To be honest, when I first heard of FinDom I was so disappointingly unsurprised by it that I don't really get mad about it. In my opinion, which is probably not the majority, FinDom is a cancer in BDSM. To me, it brings money, the root of all evil, into a genuine exploration of human sexuality. I'm not so angered by it that I message people I never met to vent about it, but when I see people complaining about the lack of respect they get for performing such a... tasteless service, I felt I had to call it out. To each their own, I suppose.

thezeppo -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 11:53:18 AM)
Its not totally outside my conception that a person could be turned on by the exchange of money as a form of power exchange. Humiliation is another pretty common kink. Isn't findom just a form of power exchange with added humiliation? Sure, there is a theme of exploitation but I don't think that necessarily translates to actual exploitation. If I actually met someone who told me they had lost their house and gone into debt because they spent all their money on online findom, I wouldn't think 'you poor exploited man'. At some point personal responsibility comes into it.

ThePrincessKali -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 11:56:15 AM)
Why do you feel the need to message complete strangers just bc they do something you disagree with? And money is involved with every aspect of our society. What about strippers, prostitutes, sex workers? Do you feel the same about them? They're bringing a financial aspect to sex. And no, it's not "to each their own" if you're sending nasty messages to people you don't know because you don't like financial domination. That's just being an asshole. There are some links and fetishes that personally I don't like or don't agree with but I don't seek out people who partake in it just to be an ass. I let adults make their own consensual decisions. If a discussion happens on the forums I'm happy to give my opinion but to seek out strangers and send them mean messages is just mean and I'm sure there are a million ways you could better spend your time and energy.

KYsissy -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 12:57:56 PM)
I felt the same way you did at first. But after a while i came to the conclusion that there probably are guys who get off on it. I did a brake job for a mistress. I saved her a good chunk of money. My time and skills. Willingly used. My time and skills also earn me money. Is this so different? I have also come to the conclusion that if you can imagine it, someone is into it.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 1:04:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BBBTBW I get it all the time and I am not a financial DOMME. It has to do with bored, ignorant, immature people. Flick it away like a bug and move forward. dito... I also got at times comments like "what a fat arse" or similar and just deleted it and ignored it....life is just not boring enough to answer to such shit...and just leaves me appreciating that I am not having the problems they are obviously having...

PeonForHer -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 3:28:14 PM)
I think the others here have covered it, Alice. A large swathe of it is just internet life, I'm afraid: people are rude because they can be rude. Just one thing further: in general, you're playing on the border between nice and nasty. That's just the territory with a lot of BDSM. Thus, for instance, there'll be sub males who'll get a buzz out of being addressed as 'Pay Pig', others who won't care one way or another (myself included) and others who'll be offended. As I say, a lot of this stuff goes with the territory of BDSM. Findommes, though, probably get some of the worst of it: not least because, for some, bringing money into sex and relationships is itself inherently offensive. In short, I think you have no choice but to develop something of a tough hide, unfortunately.

AdamKessler -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 3:41:52 PM)
I suppose it isn't much different from prostitution, which I do think is okay. The difference to me is that it's a particularly predatory attitude. There seems to be a clear divide in the community between people who are more or less emotionally stable (just looking for new, exciting experiences), and those who are pretty much unhinged and probably need more help than to be indulged and exploited. I'm all for people making their own decisions, but I reserve my right to look down on them when they manipulate the weak in such a callous and greedy way. I guess I just wholly disagree with the prevalent belief that people can be as sadistic or evil as they want but "It's okay, that's just their kink." But now I feel I'm getting into a different discussion entirely.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 6:53:05 PM)
Why does it matter so much to you what two people choose to do with their dynamic? If it makes each of them happy, what's it to you? You seem awfully worked up on this subject.

bearcatw125 -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 7:36:19 PM)
They've probably been scammed in the past and they feel that every findomme is a selfish, exploitive witch who is only doing it for the money and preying on the large number of weak willed and desperate male submissives. No matter what we do in life, there will always be critics. I feel that if we enjoy what it is we do and that we are open and honest with others about our intentions, then go ahead and be happy. Just remember, people will always have their opinion, and some are going to be less tactfull in expressing that opinion.

StrongSpirit -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 7:38:24 PM)
I read your profile and it is the cause of your problems. Your profile is not supposed to be the beginning of roleplaying - it's an introduction to let other people know what you want. It's not about the content of your post but how you said it. I know what you are going for - demonstrating the kind of relationship you want to have. Just because they are submissive doesn't meant they are submissive to YOU. Your profile is a little bit rude. It probably is not as bad as the emails you get, but when you are rude to people, they are rude back to you, and it snowballs. What do you think would happen if you went up to every single guy in a normal dating club and said "You are my pay pig"? Pretty much exactly what is happening to you right now. A better way to say it would be "I am looking for a pay pig." There are so few dominant women that you can probably continue to be rude and still get men trying to date you. But that is because of how desperate men are. It doesn't change the fact that you are acting in an inappropriate manner and other men will continue to send you rude emails replying to your rude profile. Guys can't go up to random submissive women in a club, spank them, and expect them to ask for more. Similarly, you can't call every single submissive guy that happens to visit your website a 'pay pig' and expect them to be polite.

ThePrincessKali -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 7:47:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AdamKessler I suppose it isn't much different from prostitution, which I do think is okay. The difference to me is that it's a particularly predatory attitude. There seems to be a clear divide in the community between people who are more or less emotionally stable (just looking for new, exciting experiences), and those who are pretty much unhinged and probably need more help than to be indulged and exploited. I'm all for people making their own decisions, but I reserve my right to look down on them when they manipulate the weak in such a callous and greedy way. I guess I just wholly disagree with the prevalent belief that people can be as sadistic or evil as they want but "It's okay, that's just their kink." But now I feel I'm getting into a different discussion entirely. I see. Because to me, making a woman crawl around on the floor while being tied up is a bit off putting. For me at least. But just because it isn't my cup of tea doesn't mean I go out of my way to seek out people who are into it. But then again I have a life. And better ways to spend my time. So maybe I should pity those who have nothing better to do that harass strangers because it's actually quite sad.

thezeppo -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/6/2014 11:49:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AdamKessler I suppose it isn't much different from prostitution, which I do think is okay. The difference to me is that it's a particularly predatory attitude. There seems to be a clear divide in the community between people who are more or less emotionally stable (just looking for new, exciting experiences), and those who are pretty much unhinged and probably need more help than to be indulged and exploited. I'm all for people making their own decisions, but I reserve my right to look down on them when they manipulate the weak in such a callous and greedy way. I guess I just wholly disagree with the prevalent belief that people can be as sadistic or evil as they want but "It's okay, that's just their kink." But now I feel I'm getting into a different discussion entirely. If you don't mind me saying, I think you are conflating findommes and scammers (of whom there are plenty). There are a few assumptions in your post as well, that findommes seek out their own clients (if that's what you meant by predatory), that those clients are weak, and that findommes rely on manipulation and exploitation in order to gain money. Like I said before, I can see why it might feel demeaning to be called a pay pig or something similar, but isn't that part of the kink? You seem to be making an assumption that findomme relationships are homogenous, they all work the same way. In my experience relationships vary. I can't think of a reason why this wouldn't apply to findomme. Hypothetically, if a domme had total control of her subs finances then this would be findomme. If she then made sure the sub was paying all of his bills and putting some money into a savings account then is that exploitation?

evesgrden -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/7/2014 3:23:33 PM)
fr~ Anyone who reads your profile find themselves being called a pig. So you may not understand why someone writes you a rude message, you have to realize that you you've gone out of your way to write a rude profile.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/7/2014 9:55:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: evesgrden fr~ Anyone who reads your profile find themselves being called a pig. So you may not understand why someone writes you a rude message, you have to realize that you you've gone out of your way to write a rude profile. This. ^^^^ ALL of it. NBMG

CobaltRose -> RE: Subs going out of their way to send rude messages (5/8/2014 4:19:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: evesgrden fr~ Anyone who reads your profile find themselves being called a pig. So you may not understand why someone writes you a rude message, you have to realize that you you've gone out of your way to write a rude profile. Then if one doesnt like being called a pig dont get into a relationship with her. Its there to turn on people who LIKE to be called pigs. If you dont, then obviously she isnt what one is looking for.

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