RE: slave vs. submissive .... Can they be separated ?

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RE: slave vs. submissive .... Can they be separated ? - 5/13/2014 2:10:12 AM

Lohea

Posts: 23
Joined: 5/5/2014
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The definition of slave vs submissive varies from relationship to relationship and person to person. So you can't base your judgments on that word alone.

I honestly feel like any difference between the two is entirely fabricated. It's like asking the difference between a Dominant and a Top. There is no difference, there's just... traits tied to both. What traits are tied to which is entirely up to the person speaking the word, so you can't at all go by that.

Originally, a slave was somebody who had no control over their lives and their situation. That is what being a slave meant as little as one hundred[?] years ago in North America. Across the world, that's still what being a slave means. In the BDSM world that term loses it's consent definition, as it's generally assumed that BDSM and D/s is consensual.

If you're a submissive and enter a new relationship, limits and such will be discussed. Try not to get hung up on slave vs submissive and what they call you. If a Dominant tries to tell you that you aren't a slave because blah blah blah blah, that doesn't make them right. It's just like, his opinion, man.

A submissive can be a woman who is bratty, or it can be a woman who is entirely obedient and trust worthy. Just the same a slave can be a woman who is constantly obedient to their Dominant's wishes, or somebody who has limits, boundaries and preferences as every person does. Just about every "100% obedient" slave will have discussed boundaries and limits beforehand.

The issue can be as simple as you're growing apart, rather than a slave vs submissive issue as you seem to feel it is. A Master takes care of his slave, or his submissive, regardless of the title. If your Dominant is not taking care of your emotional side, even though you are openly reaching out to him and not doing some read between the lines bullshit, then maybe it's time for a permanent break.

You also don't seem to be very good with articulating yourself through text... is that something that carries on in your real life as well? Because through both of your replies, I still barely understand what your question is. They were quite long replies, as well. Is it possible that you aren't explaining your needs and desires well enough?

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RE: slave vs. submissive .... Can they be separated ? - 5/17/2014 12:41:47 PM

HeldandHappy

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/14/2014
From: CA
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To me it just sounds like you need to establish what your rights/limits are within the relationship. It's unhealthy and confusing if he treats you as a slave and you see yourself as a sub. As with any relationship, vanilla or not, communication is the key. To jump back into a relationship after a break and not discuss the dynamics and roles is bound to be confusing.

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RE: slave vs. submissive .... Can they be separated ? - 5/17/2014 3:46:25 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Slavesrelease
.......... The M/s is just as it has always been but the D/s seems weak and unattended. This is where my question lay. As for the term I used "abuse", probably bad term lets say hurtful. Also, any negativity that comes across is only in the empty ness that seems lost from what I am asking about.

For some people, and it's not uncommon, they perceive D/s as a romantic expression. A kind and mutual endeavor where love and passion are the binding force. They see M/s as more sexual expression with discipline, obedience and objectification. Ownership rights being the binding force more than romance.

You say the relationship previously flourished in both M/s and D/s. Then you broke up for a while and got back together. That is when the D/s aspect faded and left your submissive side unfulfilled. Perhaps although the sexual passion is still there, one of you is still a little heartbroken, touchy or emotionally guarded and the romance needs to be nurtured? This only valid if you see romance in M/s and D/s differently . . . personally, I don't but many people do.

Good luck.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 5/17/2014 3:47:33 PM >

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RE: slave vs. submissive .... Can they be separated ? - 5/18/2014 8:23:22 PM

graceadieu

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Joined: 3/20/2008
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Slavesrelease -

I'm having a hard time understanding what you're trying to say, but it sounds to me like the issue is that you doesn't feel loved and appreciated as a partner, and that your partner treats you like he only cares about your service. Do I have that right?

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