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Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting?


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Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 11:01:27 AM   
mars0is0bright


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/5/2014
Status: offline 		So, I've known I was sub for a long time, but I've only recently gotten active on the scene... And just from the people I've been talking to, I feel like I'm an outlier as a sub. I'm pretty head-strong and independent. I'm sub, but I'm also of the "you gotta earn respect to get respect" variety, even with doms. And I've kind of been getting crap about it lately--being told I'm not a sub or whatever.

Now, to clarify, I'm not questioning what I am at all. Like, I know I'm a sub. I know I'm particular, and that it would take a certain kind of dom for the dynamic to work. And I know that's okay on all moral levels--you should be picky about your partner. But my question is, am I actually an outcast? Am I a type of sub that other subs hate? Or am I just projecting that based on a couple of people?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 11:16:39 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		You are going to continue to meet alot of doms who will tell you, you are not sub enough if you don't behave like they wish for you to behave.

A dominant who believes in inspiring submission are rather rare species.

Majority of them out there, just wants the submission without having to work for it.

It's nothing to do with you, but just that the type of doms seeking instantaneous gratification outnumbers the ones who believe in a more holistic form of submission.

(in reply to mars0is0bright)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 11:24:45 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		No actually you are the more common type of sub. Submissives with an ounce of common sense and self-respect will also expect to be treated well, to pick their partners and get to know each other etc.

Thing is, the internet is full of fantasists. The people who are telling you that you are weird or not really a sub, are either a) totally porn-contaminated and clueless, b) have mostly been cybering with other people who are just there to wank off, so are used to getting instant sexy fun time and/or c) thinking they can bully you into doing what they want because you are young and new so (hopefully!) clueless enough that they can claim you before you wise up.

Hang around here and talk to some subs and you'll see that those who actually have successful D/s relationships are generally confident in standing up for themselves and having high standards for their partners. Better yet, go to some munches and meet people in the flesh who are living like this. I guarantee the whole 'me dom, you sub, you sucky dick' act does not go down well in real life kink communities.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to mars0is0bright)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 11:39:33 AM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		No matter what your identity, there are elitists who will try to convince you that you're doing it wrong.

As Greta said above, in this case the guilty party is made up of people who think being dominant enough will give them access to quick and easy sex.

Don't let their comments get you down. There's nothing at all wrong with being picky in this scene; it give you safety from the predators, after all.

(in reply to mars0is0bright)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 11:41:19 AM   
mars0is0bright


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/5/2014
Status: offline 		AthenaSurrenders--that's helpful to know. I'm okay with dealing with fantasists. I think what's surprised me the most in the couple of months that I've officially been on the scene is the amount of crap I'm getting from other subs. I mean, I kind of expected it with doms--like, some are nice and human and whatever, and others want instant gratification and get P'd off when they don't get it. But I don't understand what other subs get out of telling me that I'm not a good dom. I'm not going to sleep with them anyway, so I don't see how it matters...

I guess I just wanted to know if I was missing some big aspect of the lifestyle.

I will say that I haven't really met any successful subs. There isn't really a scene where I live--the nearest munches are a four hour drive from here--and while I'm sure some people live the lifestyle around here, no one would admit it out loud. So there's a sort of isolation IRL. I figured getting to know people online would help with the isolation, and it has in some ways, but in other ways I'm baffled.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 1:35:01 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If these other subs are online, you need to realize that they are sock puppets from the same kind of guys who are writing you drivel like "I own you now".



_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to mars0is0bright)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 1:39:13 PM   
KYsissy


Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		I am sub only to one. She has earned my respect and my total trust. It was 6 months chatting through email and hanging out before we did anything bdsm related. And about a 10 year search that I had given up as dead.

I dont get many Doms wanting me to submit cuz they sent an email, i suspect it is worse, much MUCH worse for a female.

I just looked at your profile. As you are looking for an online thing, expect a deluge of wankers whose only goal is 15 minutes of IM away.

< Message edited by KYsissy -- 5/9/2014 1:45:19 PM >

_____________________________

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 2:06:48 PM   
mars0is0bright


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/5/2014
Status: offline 		Yeah. I mean, the deluge of wankers is kind of a given--but I want to trust someone before I go offline, and I'm not in a good position for it right now anyway. I don't even know where I'm gonna be living three months from now.

DesFIP--good point about the sock puppets. I hadn't really thought of that.

(in reply to KYsissy)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 2:08:00 PM   
shadowborn61


Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline 		@mars0is0bright
As others have said you will unfortunately encounter far greater numbers of the " I am the Dom and I say you are belong to me" yeah i know i just couldn't resist the video game refference but as i have said lately if you are not already doing so look up local groups in your area and go to some munches and meet people. Still be careful and do not compromise on what you are looking for but you will meet some really awesome people and hopefully your dream Dom.
I wish you luck.

(in reply to KYsissy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/9/2014 7:29:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Not only are they socks, they're hoping you'll write back asking for help. And their idea of help is to have you submit to their master, the troll himself.

Ignore and block.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to shadowborn61)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/10/2014 12:39:25 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mars0is0bright
But I don't understand what other subs get out of telling me that I'm not a good dom. I'm not going to sleep with them anyway, so I don't see how it matters...


Is this a typo, or are you a switch?

(in reply to mars0is0bright)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/10/2014 8:04:06 PM   
mars0is0bright


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/5/2014
Status: offline 		Omg. Typo. #fail. Sorry!!!

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/10/2014 8:18:58 PM   
fluffyprincess


Posts: 64
Status: offline 		I'm exactly the same way as you. :) Especially the "you gotta earn respect to get respect" part.

(in reply to mars0is0bright)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/10/2014 9:13:20 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If these other subs are online, you need to realize that they are sock puppets from the same kind of guys who are writing you drivel like "I own you now".



Agreed.

As a sub, you are required to show respect to your Dom. Nobody else, although I would expect common courtesy.

Anyone who tells you different is full of it.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/11/2014 8:47:15 AM   
Nakhla


Posts: 104
Joined: 10/24/2012
Status: offline
On the internet, everyone is in line to tell you you're doing it wrong.

It gets tiresome, just wade through it and get to know those who are coming from a friendlier angle.

_____________________________

Submediant In Search Of Dominant Resolution... Formerly WestBaySlave on these forums.

(in reply to mars0is0bright)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/12/2014 1:45:36 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		WHat everyone else said.

Plus.... There are a fair few doms (although they may be completely eclipsed by the horny insta-dom types at tims) who would have a very very strong preference for someone head-strong and independent.

I certainly do.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to mars0is0bright)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/12/2014 3:27:34 AM   
ComeSitAndRelax


Posts: 7
Status: offline 		There will always be insecure people that will criticize your lifestyle choices in order to try to validate their own. It's not about you when they do it, it's about them and their weaknesses. Try to ignore those that try to bring you down and focus on those that try to build you up.

(in reply to mars0is0bright)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am I a Submissive Outcast, or am I Projecting? - 5/12/2014 8:25:02 AM   
Masterthemoment


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/28/2012
Status: offline 		I actually viewed your profile some time ago and said 'nope, moving on' to myself. Your name intrigued me, but we're not a match, not least of which because originally you were looking for online-only. What you have now reads as a very different sort of profile. Now that you've got a new lure, see what sort of fish you catch, and if you're not getting the sort you're wanting, change it again. The internet is great for making initial connections, but a terrible substitute for Real Life, which is what most(many?) folks want.

(in reply to ComeSitAndRelax)
Profile   Post #: 18
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