Why can't I find her?

Why can't I find her? (Full Version)

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SereneSurvivor -> Why can't I find her? (5/10/2014 12:56:40 PM)
Is it really this hard to find a family oriented Domme? I need to find my soul partner in this life who will love myself and my child yet still be the dominant woman I need her to be when it's the two of us. Why is it so hard to find her?

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Why can't I find her? (5/11/2014 1:16:21 AM)
Because finding a compatible life partner is hard for everyone. Wanting a dominant adds further limits on your dating pool since you also need kink and D/s compatibility. And I imagine that finding someone who would also be a good and willing step parent also makes things harder. It's going to take time, unfortunately. What else are you trying besides collarme?

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Why can't I find her? (5/11/2014 7:30:37 PM)
OP, I think the answer lies in parts of your profile narrative. "I am here searching for someone who can set me free. I need a Domme who knows what she's doing, not just someone who does it for shits and giggles. My walls need to be broken down and I need to come to terms with my past. I need a Domme who is experienced enough to know that this isn't about me handing over control but taking it back." Submissive does not mean 'take back control'. By definition, dominant partners control. I think you're a little confused about terms and expectations. No Domme can give you what you are asking for, unless she's a licensed therapist and in that case, she shouldn't be your relationship partner. If you want to come to terms with your past, break down walls you've put in place to cope, and take back control, you have lots of personal work ahead that only you can do. It is unhealthy to think a Domme/partner should/would want to do it for you, even if they could. "I am hoping to find a wonderful Domme to fill that void in my life that only being a submissive can fill. If you know what I need, please reach out to me." How would someone know what you need when you don't know yourself? Your statement came across to me as: 'I seek someone to sort me out and fix my damage'. A smart dominant would not touch that undesirable trait with a ten foot pole; it is an unhealthy desire. You'll be ready for a partnership once you've achieved wholeness within yourself. It might be difficult to face yourself, but ultimately it is your road to success. If you keep the status quo, you'll be disappointed over and over again seeking something that isn't possible. Gather your strength; you can do it! If for no other reason, you'll be a better example to your child. All the best to you on your journey :-)

Miyani -> RE: Why can't I find her? (5/12/2014 6:56:49 AM)
You're looking for: 1) a dominant. 2) a lesbian dominant. 3) a lesbian dominant who wants kids. 4) a lesbian dominant who wants kids AND a submissive whose walls she has to "break down. You're also looking for someone who is experienced and "knows what she's doing," which can sound pretty elitist, while saying that you're inexperienced yourself. And you want her to entertain the idea of a lifelong commitment with you before getting to know you. I'm not saying you should compromise. You should be true to yourself, and find someone you're compatible with. You should also recognize that you're looking for the needle in the proverbial haystack, and give it time and patience. You talk a lot in your profile and journal entries about the right woman reaching out to you. Don't wait that long. Reach out to women you think are a good match, with a genuine desire to get to know them as people, not just inviting them to dominate you. Get involved in your local community. And yes, as was mentioned above, make sure that you're a partner the kind of woman you need... will want. Get a handle on your past, with therapy if necessary. Approach the relationship as a strong and capable adult woman.

Masterthemoment -> RE: Why can't I find her? (5/12/2014 7:53:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Miyani You're looking for: 1) a dominant. 2) a lesbian dominant. 3) a lesbian dominant who wants kids. 4) a lesbian dominant who wants kids AND a submissive whose walls she has to "break down. You're also looking for someone who is experienced and "knows what she's doing," which can sound pretty elitist, while saying that you're inexperienced yourself. And you want her to entertain the idea of a lifelong commitment with you before getting to know you. I'm not saying you should compromise. You should be true to yourself, and find someone you're compatible with. You should also recognize that you're looking for the needle in the proverbial haystack, and give it time and patience. You talk a lot in your profile and journal entries about the right woman reaching out to you. Don't wait that long. Reach out to women you think are a good match, with a genuine desire to get to know them as people, not just inviting them to dominate you. Get involved in your local community. And yes, as was mentioned above, make sure that you're a partner the kind of woman you need... will want. Get a handle on your past, with therapy if necessary. Approach the relationship as a strong and capable adult woman. All this. So much this. Your profile does not strike me as that of a Serene Survivor. Heed Miyani's advice and do the work, get to know yourself, and get yourself to a good place. Once you're in that healthy place, then seek a woman.

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