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RE: Definitions - 5/14/2014 8:53:58 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LordHeimdall
This is too true. I think we are hard wired this way. And that is often my response as well... If you didn't want it solved why did you tell me?

Yup, it's a manly man thing!

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RE: Definitions - 5/14/2014 10:19:11 AM

BecomingV

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordHeimdall
I think we are hard wired this way. And that is often my response as well... If you didn't want it solved why did you tell me?

Yup, it's a manly man thing!

Do you remember that book Venus/Mars? It presented that way of viewing communication styles between the sexes. Deborah Tannen, an expert in the area of gender and linguistics said it this way... women talk for rapport (connection), while men talk to report (and establish hierarchy by having the best information). If you accept the results of the research, then it makes sense to vent to people that are available for that and to problem-solve with people who are available for that.

I reject the interpretation along sex lines. Too many exceptions, and in D/s, I see even more. Instead of choosing a listener according to sex, I'd look for traits that reveal their talents, one way or the other.

In short, "manly man" to me, is a guy who is actively and consistently, involved in fighting violence and rape against women. That, is the ultimate, the LION, the rose above the crowd guy. A manly man.

Any idiot can say, hey, I don't feel like listening while you figure out your own solution through talking it out with me. Nothing special going on there...

But, especially the elderly males, still hold tight to the version of manly man as described in the boxed quotes.

Too each their own.

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 5/14/2014 10:22:38 AM >

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RE: Definitions - 5/14/2014 10:34:10 AM

Greta75

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It's one of those things. I don't feel as sexually attracted to New Age Sensitive guys. I was married to one, and he was a great listener who knows how to listen and just hug me and comfort me and not give me any advice. And I married him because I felt like I married my best friend.
But if you talk about making me sexually super turn on, somehow, these gruffy older generation or whatever, manly men really gets me wet with their blockheadness.
Don't know why.

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RE: Definitions - 5/14/2014 1:49:38 PM

BecomingV

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Greta - Yeah, same here with the New Age sensitive guys. They are great, but they don't attract me UNLESS, they also have the manly man quality of protector. I don't mean the ones who say the words, "little lady" or the ones who say they think it's a man's duty to protect women. I get hot for the ones who actually DO protect women. And, that means, fighting rape and violence, actively and courageously.

OP - Do you feel clear about the kind of Dom you seek?

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 5/14/2014 1:53:23 PM >

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RE: Definitions - 5/14/2014 3:09:20 PM

Arianna92

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Uhm, I'm a man, apparently.
I don't vent much and hardly share my problems, unless I'm actively looking for advice, I very much prefer engaging in abstract conversations about politics, society or the arts, I find them more entertaining and interesting than discussing my problems for the sake of connection, I'm just not wired that way, I guess, and most of my problems are so uninteresting anyways. Maybe if I had more substantial problems, I'd share more.
The thing, is, even when I'm looking for advice, if I tell you that I get sleepy in class, but we've already discussed about it and I've already made it clear that going to bed early is not a viable solution, a logical person should give, if they can think of it, different advice, not get pushy on a possibility that has already been ruled out. Or, speaking of something that actually happened, I smoke, I smoked when you met me, I don't live in a cave and I can read the writing on the package, therefore you must logically assume that I made the conscious decision, influenced my my culture which is different from yours, to possibly trade the last 20 years of my life for a physical pleasure in the present. It's ok if you want to give all the additional information you can give me, but once that's done, if you keep bugging me about it, I don't perceive that as dominant and hot, but as nagging. Nagging ain't hot. It makes shut down and turn into a bitch. I put up with it with my mum because she loves me to death, she made me and also she financially supports me, making that relationship structurally unbalanced, I'm not going to put up with it from a peer for long. Maybe, as someone said, it's an American thing, maybe you guys are just not there yet in terms of gender roles.

I also think is very admirable when men actively fight rape and violence, I don't know if I would consider it 'manly', that seems problematic on so many levels as a definition. I find it probably more admirable when women do it 'though, because it's category taking charge of a problem that affects it, fighting for its own survival. As far as men being protective, I feel the best way a men can be both protective and respectful of me is to be there and be on my team while I protect myself, in case I need support or back-up.

I'll look on the other websites, probably okcupid,as the others don't seem to fit me quite well in their population, I just felt like, since I haven't met anyone irl recently, it would have been a good idea to go look for the ideal, which very much includes this sexual dynamic,but I guess it's less common than I thought.

I fancy sensitive people, because I fancy artistic people, it doesn't mean you always have to wear your hearth on your sleeve, just possess a set of sensibilities and great depth. Even if you're a stereotypical man out of a 40s noir film on the outside.

I like toilets seat to be very clean as well, I just don't like the process of getting them clean. I don't like it in general - the cleaning service budget comes before the food balance as far as I'm concerned - I like it even less if it connects to a notion of unrequited 'service', which I know some people are into, but it's very much not my thing.

< Message edited by Arianna92 -- 5/14/2014 3:12:35 PM >

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