Questioning my profile (Full Version)

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Grael -> Questioning my profile (5/12/2014 8:09:37 PM)

While I am trying to be up front and honest about myself.
I am finding it is leading to not having a single person respond or even look twice at my profile... Any suggestions?




RedMagic1 -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/12/2014 8:14:39 PM)

Your profile is well above average. Maybe your emails need work?

Also, some women will nope out because of your lip rings. You might want that though. If you want to attract women who think that's hot, then expect a somewhat low response rate. On the other hand, if the lip rings are not important to you, maybe lead with a photo without them, and with you wearing a nice shirt. But only take that advice if you think that kind of photo represents who you are.




Grael -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/12/2014 8:15:38 PM)

Hadn't even thought of that. Thank you for the advice.




MyMadeleine -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/12/2014 9:59:08 PM)

First impression I get is that you are very sad. There's this feeling of hopelessness in your tone and pace of writing. While you do mention positive things about yourself they are brought down by the unnecessary focus on the negative. Instead of mentioning being in the military but then shutting people out highlight the positive things you gained from it without specifically mentioning it was in the service. Are you more disciplined? Authoritative? Take the mention of cheating and again during people out and say that you are loyal, focused on the one you choose to be with. Take out the part about not having any luck on here because it isn't very attractive.

Tell us about your style of domination, what does work for you and what you're wanting to explore. You seem like a great guy but your profile makes it seem like you're not very available or dominant.




angelikaJ -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/12/2014 10:21:30 PM)

Get some more recent photos of yourself and wear a nice shirt.
(Better to have a friend or family member take a whole bunch of candids and then keep the best ones.
A shot outside might be better (just don't include other people in the shot).

Leave this out: I have never cheated on someone. Yet I have been lied to and cheated on several times. I don't like to share... .

You could state that you want a monogamous relationship and won't share.
Same information without the negativity.

Leave this out too: P.S. I Haven't had any luck with meeting people online before. Hopefully this time will be different.

There are some other possible edits, including consolidating your individual thought points into paragraphs.


Even though you are an introvert, go to munches in your area.
They have TNG ones which are for younger folks.
It is hard to meet people online.





AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 1:22:11 AM)

Looks like a pretty decent one to me. Tells me what you are looking for and what you are like as a person. Not too sex-focused or unrealistic.

I would perhaps switch around the order of your photos (or get new ones). The one you have as your main at the moment is the least flattering IMO. You look like you just rolled out of bed. And I say that as someone who likes long hair and glasses.

Perhaps your intro emails need practice? If you wanted to post an example we might be able to help.

Also: standard advice here. Kink sites have a lot more men than women, so you are automatically at a disadvantage. Women in your age range are especially likely to be swamped with messages so you might not be doing anything wrong but still not get noticed. Always a good idea to get out into the community as well; much easier to get noticed in person. I'd bet Vegas has quite the thriving kink scene.




Greta75 -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 1:24:32 AM)

Yea, the profile picture is a problem, don't dye your hair, take out all the piercings, wear a shirt. You gotta be realistic that, this look you are going for only attracts a tiny percentage of women, it's not attractive to most. But if that is important for someone like you this way, then, what you need is alot of patience.




Lohea -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 1:39:41 AM)

You have a basic bitch profile.

You write about your music tastes, your previous army history, hobbies. I can't speak for other women, but honestly, those are things better left for private conversation. Write about what you would think a woman would want to see.

The reality is that even the most desirable man on this website will get a low response rate from women.

Location is another issue. Many aren't looking for somebody far away from them, if they are real then they will want something real.

What do your messages look like? Why are you messaging these women? Are you reading their profile first, are you ensuring that you look like a good match for them? Do you read their journal entries if they have any? These are all major factors.

I consider myself an intellectual, so I often do not have time for those that are under me, in that sense. If you don't represent yourself properly, I've no reason to reply.

The internet is more about looks and presentation than real life is or can be. You can explain yourself in real life, assuming the woman feels too bad to simply walk away. You may change her mind and she may be glad she didn't judge you. On the internet she has a very easy decision. Do I like him enough to respond? Yes, or no.

Lastly, nobody wants an insecure Dominant to control their lives. If you're introverted and out of control of your own life, how can you ever expect to control and own another human? Of course each relationship differs, but submissives are looking for direction and control. If you do not convey that, then what's the point?

Cut your hair, take out the piercings, straighten up and you may be amazed at what you find.

The double spacing in your profile also needs to be fixed. It's annoying to read. You only need to press enter once to line break on CM, because it automatically adds a space between the lines with one 'enter' press. Where as every other logical formatting tool would do as you're used to.

Talk about what you're looking for in a submissive and a small bit about your values. What you do for a living, what you eat, what you like to do outdoors isn't as important as connecting with somebody on a kink level. I can learn to deal with the fact that you like to hike if I don't, I may not be able to deal with the fact that you don't like bondage if it's an extreme fetish for me.

I personally stay away from all profiles that have anything in their likes and dislikes list about their outer-BDSM world likes and dislikes. I don't give a fuck if you like cycling or mathematics. All that does is distract me from the likes and limits I give a fuck about.

You don't need to state that you have piercings if there's photos of your piercings on your profile. And nobody gives a flying fuck if you have tattoos. Everybody has tattoos these days. It isn't some big, dirty secret anymore.

Saying you don't like to share sounds childish. Change that to 'I will not be a part of an open relationship.' Or something along those lines.

Take the beginner and expert stuff out of anything that doesn't matter to a submissive. Again, nobody cares if you're a beginner at surf boarding.

Read your own profile and ask yourself if you would reply to it, if you were a submissive. If the answer is no, then change it.




AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 2:01:55 AM)

I strongly disagree that he should take out all his vanilla interests and focus on the kink ones. That to me says 'horn dog' or 'no personality'. If he's on this site I know he's kinky. Kink will take up maybe 10% of our time together, if we are really lucky. I want to make sure we have something to talk about the rest of the time.




Lohea -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 2:35:26 AM)

I'm not talking about him putting in place his love for anal versus pussy fucking. There are far more eloquent ways to list your likes and dislikes within the BDSM world without coming across as a pervert, thank you very much.

Figuring out if you have something to talk about goes far deeper than whether or not you like to read poetry from time to time. Your vanilla likes can match up perfectly without personalities matching properly. Which is why I suggest taking out most of the vanilla crap and replacing it with topics that matter: what you want out of a submissive, what role you plan to play in his or her life, whether or not you want a 24/7 lifestyle, frequent scenes or something just in the bedroom.

You want your profile to be inviting, intriguing, enticing and above all else, to give the reader a reason to respond. You don't need to put all your eggs in one basket to make things work and honestly, rarely does it work to begin with. Just being on the internet shouldn't take away all the social aspects of meeting somebody. Placing yourself all the way out there before the other person has a chance to get to know you takes away the possibility of a 'getting to know you' chat. Something that can be incredibly fun to have.

In the end, this is my opinion and my personal taste. He asked for my opinion, and I gave it.




RedMagic1 -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 3:15:36 AM)

Lohea, I met a lot of women here when my profile was active, and I never had kink interests listed, either in the Interests section, or in my profile. Instead, I made sure my Interests list began with "Lives for Nanotechnology," and I let that do a lot of the work to sort women in or out.

It sounds to me as though you've been burned by someone who hard-limited one of your kink desires. Even so, broadcasting kink interests is poor dating advice, especially for someone who is new to real-time BDSM. The OP of this thread might have powerful fantasies, but he probably has no idea whether he prefers Activity X over Activity Y, with every sexual partner he will ever have in his future life.

If someone is a seasoned player, explicitly looking for a particular experience, then by all means say, "I am looking for an experienced rope top." But very few people on this site, men or women, fall into that category.

For all the people who are interested hopefully-former vanillas, or who are trying to attract such a person, it is far better to say something like, "I have kinks, and we can talk about them, but the bottom line is that I am honest and emotionally mature, and I'd like to find a woman I can explore this world with."




Greta75 -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 4:41:00 AM)

quote:

you write about your music tastes, your previous army history, hobbies. I can't speak for other women, but honestly, those are things better left for private conversation. Write about what you would think a woman would want to see.

Yea don't listen to this, it's good to list your vanilla hobbies and things about your vanilla life. Most women on there want to see this. Lohea, if she is a woman, is unique.

Profile is not too bad. You are a very young guy, your age will already work against you, so profile picture is important, to be taken seriously as a dom.




EnticingYourMind -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 5:04:58 AM)

Ill be honest dude...
It smells of desperation.
Youre claiming to be a Dom and that means a girl wants/needs someone with an aura of strength, assertiveness, control. You're not portraying that vibe.

You get points for honesty and thats good for some girls that need that sort of honesty. But its going to be a tough sell when you appear to be more needing a companion any companion than able to treat a sub or a slave how they need to be treated.

I could say change your profile but thats really not going to do anything because your real personality is going to revert out. My suggestion, you'll probably do alot better with your honesty on a vanilla site like plenty of fish, or okcupid. Just keep being honest and you'll eventually stumble upon someone that matches you.

Good luck




SeekingTrinity -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 8:53:45 AM)

~FRing it~

OP, seriously...don't listen to the "bitch profile" stuff. Reading a profile laced with sex this, sex that, kink, kink, kink is a huge turn off for most women. Many women (myself included) want to be seen as a whole person...not a sex laden kink object. You can talk with your potential in a more private setting, rather than getting your freak on all over your profile.

If you want an actual relationship with a potential, compatibility on all levels (not just kink) is important. The things in your profile are things Id want to know if I was looking for a relationship.




BecomingV -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 9:18:11 AM)

Your profile is great. I think it gives a clear window into who you are, which is what I look for in a profile.

One suggestion. Delete the ending. Warning women to hurry, or they might miss out on the prize that is you - it's off-putting. Confidence - not conceit, you know?

Best of luck in your search.

Oh, and I agree... ignore the "bitch profile" comment along with the other one that is confusing a macho ignoramus bellowing with Dom vibes. They could take lessons from you.




Blonderfluff -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 9:26:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EnticingYourMind

Ill be honest dude...
It smells of desperation.
Youre claiming to be a Dom and that means a girl wants/needs someone with an aura of strength, assertiveness, control. You're not portraying that vibe.

You get points for honesty and thats good for some girls that need that sort of honesty. But its going to be a tough sell when you appear to be more needing a companion any companion than able to treat a sub or a slave how they need to be treated.

I could say change your profile but thats really not going to do anything because your real personality is going to revert out. My suggestion, you'll probably do alot better with your honesty on a vanilla site like plenty of fish, or okcupid. Just keep being honest and you'll eventually stumble upon someone that matches you.

Good luck
this is very true. It's also true of Forum posts. The /s's thank you for this.



OP. I think your profile is good. It looks like you removed the self-defeating comments. Well done!!!




Lohea -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 1:36:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Lohea, if she is a woman, is unique.


Lol.

Just lol.




Lohea -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 1:40:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Lohea, I met a lot of women here when my profile was active, and I never had kink interests listed, either in the Interests section, or in my profile. Instead, I made sure my Interests list began with "Lives for Nanotechnology," and I let that do a lot of the work to sort women in or out.

It sounds to me as though you've been burned by someone who hard-limited one of your kink desires. Even so, broadcasting kink interests is poor dating advice, especially for someone who is new to real-time BDSM. The OP of this thread might have powerful fantasies, but he probably has no idea whether he prefers Activity X over Activity Y, with every sexual partner he will ever have in his future life.

If someone is a seasoned player, explicitly looking for a particular experience, then by all means say, "I am looking for an experienced rope top." But very few people on this site, men or women, fall into that category.

For all the people who are interested hopefully-former vanillas, or who are trying to attract such a person, it is far better to say something like, "I have kinks, and we can talk about them, but the bottom line is that I am honest and emotionally mature, and I'd like to find a woman I can explore this world with."


I can't do much more than speak from my own interests and my own tastes, which I've already done.

And no, I've not been burnt. I've spent far too much time sifting through useless profiles and glancing over messages to know what I want.

I'm glad to hear your profile worked out for you.

Unlike other 'women' in this thread, I'm not trying to speak for all women. I won't pretend like I have that ability, as most tend to imply. All I'm doing is speaking from my end of the spectrum.

This is what I prefer to see. I pass this wisdom on to you.




StrictlyADomina -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/13/2014 6:10:52 PM)

The majority of your profile is fine. I agree with the others who posted that your picture could stand improvement. Here's the guiding wisdom in photograph of yourself as a lead in to your profile. You need to look like the person a woman can be proudly introduce to her friends and family. If you photo does not say that whether you are a dom or sub, chances are that the lady in question is not going to be interested.

The audio greeting was a nice touch. It seemed to sound a touch on the depressed and fatalistic side though, maybe re-do?




Derangedsuka -> RE: Questioning my profile (5/14/2014 4:36:26 AM)

I like your profile, very honest and you seem like a genuine guy. Maybe as redo on the picture as other have suggested although piercings are a personal preference and TBH I like them so I wouldn't say remove them. Its really about what makes you comfortable without taking away the essence of who you are as there is nothing worse then someone who pretends to be something they are not :D

Hope this helps x




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