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micromanagement - 5/14/2014 12:04:28 AM   
newbieL


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/8/2008
Status: offline 		my life is bit of a mess, I start thing , left unfinished , a disaster . Would like to be micromanaged to give my life a hard schedule.

New at it and I know it will need a lot of effort to follow , but I need it , and without help, I feel i will fail.

Thanks

< Message edited by newbieL -- 5/14/2014 12:06:54 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 4:12:49 AM   
MzArianaPA


Posts: 39
Joined: 11/24/2013
Status: offline 		There's a couple things to consider here.

One is that micromanaging someone is extremely time consuming and frustrating. Ask anyone in a supervisory work position. You really can't accomplish anything as an entity, a business, if you don't have people you can rely on to accomplish what they are told to do. As a manager, you don't have time to do your own job if you're breathing down the necks of your employee to make sure he does his...and frankly, that underling employee, if he needs to be micromanaged, is only doing a half assed job anyway. So EVERYONE in this situation suffers in the long run.

I went through the ill-advised "oh I can change him" crap as a teenager with someone I was dating. Adding kink to the mix doesn't change the basic truth that a person can't and won't change unless said person really wants to - and takes the initiative to do so himself. Even then...people don't change all that much. A trained therapist is the right person to help you institute and work on changes basic aspects of yourself - not a potential relationship partner. If you want to make changes to your life - ultimately YOU have to be the one to take charge of the mess. No one can do it for you.

Last but not least....if you're hoping to start a relationship with someone - and BDSM is ultimately about relationships, be they friendships or romantic or otherwise - BOTH parties really have to bring something of value to the table. Just showing up isn't ever going to be enough. There's a LOT of submissive men out there and not so many Dommes - she's going to be attracted to the one that makes her say "hey, there's someone who seems like I'd enjoy spending time with him", not the one who makes her say, "what a mess I need to clean up".

< Message edited by MzArianaPA -- 5/14/2014 4:15:41 AM >

(in reply to newbieL)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 4:22:21 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		Dear newbieL

Hi there.
You already know what you need, just get it done.
No one has to hold your hand to finish a project, you are procrastinating.

So I'll do you a solid:

Unless you can take care of yourself and your tasks, you shouldn't need to try to please another.

Take care of what you need to first and then worry about having someone else to please.

Nothing is more sexy than confidence.

Now, you go fix this.
I'm telling you you can.





_____________________________

*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

(in reply to MzArianaPA)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 4:30:21 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry hun, if I decide to get a sub, it's gong to be to make my life easier, not hers. Now if there are ways I can help her get things done, I have no problem with that. But I am not going to micromanage anyone. Way to much work.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to newbieL)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 5:40:52 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		OP has a duplicate thread in Ask a Master too!!

ETA: Has now been fixed by some kind Mod
The other thread seems to have gone.

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 5/14/2014 5:52:06 AM >

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 6:11:18 AM   
OriginalRebel


Posts: 93
Joined: 4/18/2014
Status: offline 		To the moderator who moved this thread, would you please add the posts that had already been contributed and add them to this one?

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 6:13:13 AM   
OriginalRebel


Posts: 93
Joined: 4/18/2014
Status: offline 		Freedomdwarf, what did you mean when you said, 'that is why new subs need micromanaging'?

(in reply to OriginalRebel)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 6:13:16 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I know plenty of people who LOVE to stick their nose in....I mean micromanage other people. If only we could find a way to put all of you together so that those of us who neither want nor need micromanagement could finally live in peace.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 6:20:22 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

Freedomdwarf, what did you mean when you said, 'that is why new subs need micromanaging'?

Nope. I referred to 'newbieL', the name of the poster, not newbies in general and that they needed micromanaging.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to OriginalRebel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 7:14:17 AM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		OP. I went to your profile, and it's hidden. All I have to go by is your post, so here goes.
If you are very young, you have just not figured out how to get your own life together. Everyone matures at their own pace. Try getting ONE portion of your life under control at a time. It won't feel so overwhelming.

If you are NOT very young, the it's time to grow up, put your big girl (or boy) panties on, and get it together. Again, one portion of your life at a time.

Most people don't want to begin a relationship having to sort out a disorganized mess. The start of a new relationship should be an exciting time of discovery. If you bring chaos into a new relationship, too much energy is going to be expended on FIXING that mess, and not enough on getting to really know one another.

But who knows? There may be one one or two "White Knights" out there.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 7:53:23 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Call your doctor, get a referral to a psychologist. Get tested for ADD/ADHD. If that's the problem, go back to your doctor and get a scrip for meds.

It's not fair to hand over responsibility for your life to someone else. Because they can't give up their job to stand over you all the time with a crop making sure you do what they say.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Blonderfluff)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 8:43:56 AM   
Moderator3


Posts: 3289
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

To the moderator who moved this thread, would you please add the posts that had already been contributed and add them to this one?


We wish that we could combine threads so that valuable posts are not lost, but we can't do that. It isn't because we don't want to, it is that we don't have the ability to do so.

If you would like me to email you the post you made, just let me know and you can repost it.

(in reply to OriginalRebel)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 8:47:53 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I have mix feelings for this. It's quite common to see some subs hope that D/S could be use for therapy, whether is it to help them with time management or to help them lose weight and things like that.

And having someone who can love and accept you and push you, can do wonders sometimes too. But it also means that if this relationship ever fails, you might end up in a worst place than you ever were. And sometimes such requests attracts predators who may use your weaknesses against you to control you not in a positive way but in a mean spirited way.

So it's always healthier to find a way to self-motivate. So that if someone is not treating you right, you can feel confident and comfortable enough to walk away. When the person becomes your clutch and he does not handle that responsibly, you could seriously be wrecked.

(in reply to Moderator3)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 8:51:39 AM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		You might fail. Are you failing now? If not, one day, you will. How do I know that? We all fail. It's called, "life."

What differentiates between people is how they choose to relate to failure. For some, it's an instant challenge. How can I use what exists now to my/ or to others, benefit?

Where some people see a bump in the road others see an end to the road. It's about quitting, you see.

Failure is inevitable. But, how long failure is allowed to exist is up to each of us. The trick is to turn failure into a stepping stone towards success. Sometimes, goals have to be adjusted.

For example. I went through 2 deaths in recent years - a sister and my Mom, and at the same time - I re-injured my brain. I broke. I flunked out of graduate school, lost my position in a human rights group I had been leading and lost a relationship. Oh, and my income. Thirteen years ago, with the original brain injury, I had to fight my way back: learning to use a hairbrush again, or saying the word, "fork" instead of "spoon" and such. And, I did it. Two degrees and all the way to grad school - with an offer of a fellowship. All gone.

So, now what? Is that the end for me? I say, "No."

I want grad school. I'm not yet able. But, I can practice writing to improve and to gain habits. Just because I can't do graduate level work today, does not mean I can't do it later.

So, failure? Eh, sure, on some scales (like the one at grad school). LOL When I can, I will let them know I am able again and they will tell me what they need to let me try again.

So, your fear of failure just doesn't resonate with me. It shows me a need to adjust an attitude.

Having said all of that, some folks do enter an arrangement for punishment/reward dynamics for goals, such as: quit smoking, lose weight or exercise. Generally speaking, that is the whole relationship. Say, a spanker and a spankee. It's not about love or power. It's some person who just wants to spank and that is what they get. The spankee gets feedback.

But, even in that scenario, the spankee has responsibilities. Honest communication, sincere and unbridled effort and a commitment to change.

If you are just looking for that, then you can find it.

If you are looking for someone else to take control of you, you won't find a safe or healthy arrangement until AFTER you have experienced mastery of yourself.

(in reply to newbieL)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 9:49:39 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newbieL

my life is bit of a mess, I start thing , left unfinished , a disaster . Would like to be micromanaged to give my life a hard schedule.

New at it and I know it will need a lot of effort to follow , but I need it , and without help, I feel i will fail.

Join the Marines. They'll micromanage the fuck out of you.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to newbieL)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 9:51:09 AM   
OriginalRebel


Posts: 93
Joined: 4/18/2014
Status: offline 		Moderator3, thanks for responding so quickly.

After reading the other posts here, especially BecomingV's post, I don't feel the need to add anything.

(in reply to BecomingV)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: micromanagement - 5/14/2014 10:17:18 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stef


quote:

ORIGINAL: newbieL

my life is bit of a mess, I start thing , left unfinished , a disaster . Would like to be micromanaged to give my life a hard schedule.

New at it and I know it will need a lot of effort to follow , but I need it , and without help, I feel i will fail.

Join the Marines. They'll micromanage the fuck out of you.

The Marine Corp: the ultimate Dom

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: micromanagement - 5/15/2014 3:43:05 AM   
newbieL


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/8/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the messages and opinon. I think my bad english made all of you think I live in a total chaos , and I said is a BIT of a mess. I have a job and a schedule in my life , with day plannings , but I crave or more .

Reading your posts and more info about micromanagement , maybe I stand it in not so hard way .

Anyway thanks , specially to all those recomending to be tested and join the Marine .

And sorry for the hidden prifile , don´t know how I did it and need to investigate how to solve it.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 18
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