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AAkasha -> When their is no more chase and seduction (5/14/2014 9:17:47 AM)
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In another thread, nervousnovice asked if dominant women get bored, or what do they do when they get bored in a relationship. It was poorly worded, in my opinion. The responses from femdoms were an overwhelming "no," or "hell no," or "are you kidding me" type replies.
Surely femdom dynamics are not immune to what happens in vanilla relationships -- stale bedrooms or stale romance or stale dynamics. To deny such means NO ONE has been in a long, long relationship with an intimate partner, I would think. If there's absolutely no repetition or a "hint" of boredom looming from time to time in a 10+ year relationship, there could be denial setting in - or, it's the honest effort of two people working hard to not let it get stale.
No one can deny that in general, the first 3-6 months of an intimate relationship have a lot more sensual fireworks than years 20 - 25. That could be the point the sub was getting at in the post.
A big part of my femdom lust and fantasy, for example, is about chase, seduction, coercion. That's easy to satisfy with new partners because the seduction and courtship is real and authentic. I am not SURE how he is going to react to all of the "first times" we encounter together. I am not sure what his limits are (he is probably not either) and there is the intensity of working around those and pushing those but not too far.
In my 20s, engaging in an almost "catch and release" type play with guys was common for me....immoral? Well, they were having a good time too. I just mean meeting men and engaging in light bondage and S&M during the seduction process and if we didn't "click" we moved on. Having a new prey was always exhilarating. For me it was -- because I loved the process. Never been tied up? Oh my. Oh my.
So now I have been married for something like 12 or 13 years, I lose track. My boytoy is quite predictable in bed and in bondage. On the one hand, he knows all my buttons -- hell, he knows me better than anyone. But there is no doubt how the game will play out - every single time. There is a sweet, cool comfort in knowing I will be satisfied.
I would not call it boredom - I would call it something like having your favorite most comfortable pair of jeans that you would never give up and will opt for any day of the week -- vs. having a flashy new outfit that makes you tremble with anticipation and revel in the newness of it. Or -- having your favorite cooked meal at your beck and call (both figuratively and literally) vs. trying a new adventure.
It's easy to reflect back at how exciting it was and how much adrenalin was present during "catch and release" adventures with new boytoys. But one forgets the duds, the near-misses, the headaches, the unnecessary drama, the pests, the scenes and sensuality that fell so, so flat despite what seemed to be awesome chemistry, the "oh my god, this is the HOTTEST man to step on this earth" moments followed by him being a total, ignorant dip when it came to anything remotely sensual. One doesn't sit and reflect on the moments of going to bed unsatisfied because the pretty boytoy couldn't surrender his way out of a paper bag.
True love, real connection and intimacy are way, way better (as a whole) then the numbers game. Does it get stale? It can, if you don't watch out. Long stretches of lack of intimacy (both vanilla and kink) can build fast in busy lives and suddenly you are in marriage counseling or posting on "dead bedrooms" on reddit. I listen to my body when it comes to my female lusts -- the femdom variety - because it's all urge and desire that builds and reveals itself.
But if I just want an orgasm, I'm easy to please because I am an honest and clear director - and after 12+ years he pretty much has it down to a science. So it runs the risk of being routine.
When I have seen my partner through thick and thin, he's not the strange gentleman I just met at a club or online after a successful courtship and there's a different energy. Predictable. Boring? If we let it be.
All in all, I think the OP of that thread had a *great* question if people made the choice to look at what he was really asking but failing to articulate -- instead, they took it as an opportunity to boast they *never* get bored in a relationship, which I think is a little bit unrealistic.
Akasha
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