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Dominants Who have done real time - 5/14/2014 11:26:53 AM

Queenrosemirage

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/13/2014
Status: offline

Hey! To all you mistresses, queens, and princesses who have done real time, what is the most frightening experience that you have been through with a submissive or
a slave? Have any of them tried to turn on you by hurting you physically? This is something that I have always wondered. It seems like the nature of a man could only t
take so much torture until he wants to snap back. Also, do you all have any suggestions for dominants who are doing online work? What could we do to hold the interest of
subs or slaves for a long period of time? I get a lot of drive bys, but not many long term servers.Any responses will be greatly appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 5/14/2014 1:06:09 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I've done real time for..well since I was in my late teens if you count experimental bondage and teasing. I grew into my sadistic, cruel side from there and learned "officially" what S&M was in my early 20s.

I don't think I have ever worried about what a man (submissive) would do to *me*, fortunately, but I have had a number of intimately scary situations where I was concerned either for his (emotional) well being or my own after finishing off something extremely intense. This was in the earlier years, learning as I went. S&M and power exchange can be extremely intense. With some subs, there's a very surprising reaction afterward - self dread, confusion, ambivalence. First few times I encountered this, combined with sorting out my own emotions, it was unnerving and unsettling. I wasn't afraid for my safety per se, but for both of our emotional well being.

It comes down to screening men, too. Conflicted switches, general assholes, men that give a creepy vibe...avoid at all costs.

Regarding keeping online fresh and interesting -- it comes down to authenticity, really. If you are just going through the motions to capture an audience and acquire subs that will gift you, you have stiff competition including femdoms with a longstanding reputation. What a sub desires in online play is specific, authentic, passionate, sensual engagement that will permeate his mind. Also know that dollar for dollar (if you are a pay femdom or into being gifted), when all is said and done, the hours you invest in a relationship that will last will easily equate - in most cases - to lowering your hourly rate below minimum wage.

Sorry, it's the truth. Subs that are into online play for gifting or financial exchange are selective and high maintenance. It takes a very special skillset and patience to cultivate that. I certainly don't have that kind of patience. It means you don't only have to read the emails they send, you have to study them and get inside his head. A lot of these subs can send you a short novel worth of email that is difficult to read when there's no chemistry involved.

When there IS chemistry, it's not work. It's fun. It's like a new relationship. It brings surprises and you delight in coming up with ways to reel him in.

If you are not a pro and looking for authentic online chemistry and relationships - apply the same rules you do to real life relationships and don't settle for less. It will fall into place. It's work, though.

Akasha

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(in reply to Queenrosemirage)

Post #: 2

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 5/14/2014 2:24:57 PM

FightingChains

Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

quote:

It comes down to screening men, too. Conflicted switches...avoid at all costs.

Because they're conflicted? Causes emotional issues? I only ask because I was very conflicted at the start. It's difficult to get your head around switchiness. I'd be very interested in the issues you found here.

quote:

With some subs, there's a very surprising reaction afterward - self dread, confusion, ambivalence.

I can identify with this. Very emotionally turbulent afterwards at times, especially after the first few S/M encounters.

< Message edited by FightingChains -- 5/14/2014 2:27:12 PM >

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

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Post #: 3

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 5/14/2014 5:37:13 PM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
Status: offline

Are you interested in being a lifestyle Domme or are you pursuing solely for the financial aspect? If you're interested in being a lifestyle Domme or finding a long term partner then a lot of that depends on what you're interested in. If you are looking to become a Pro Domme then that's a whole different ball game.

(in reply to FightingChains)

Post #: 4

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 5/15/2014 1:03:37 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

Are you interested in being a lifestyle Domme or are you pursuing solely for the financial aspect?...

Considering that OP's profile is hidden (so we can't get any answers there), and she has swapped out her avatar with one of money at her feet, I'll venture to guess she's not interested in becoming a lifestyle Domme.

The closest thing I do bordering on sado-masochism is using nipple clamps on my sub. (I don't think my riding crop counts because I don't strike that hard.)
If a sub can't handle this, like one of my previous ones couldn't, then I don't use them. So I wouldn't really know whether a masochistic sub would react, since I've never had one, nor do I want a masochistic bottom.
You may not know what somebody's PTSD triggers are, so don't push limits. Avoid doing any mindfucks with anybody you don't know intimately in an LTR.
It seems that you (the OP) are concerned whether a sub will freak out on you during edge play, or any other BDSM activity which could trigger a sudden violent response.

Anyone who is much larger and stronger than you can overpower you, remember that, in addition to causing you injury (whether intended or unintended).
There are plenty of vanilla crazies running around. It doesn't take any provocation on a woman's part either. Just because a man claims to be submissive, doesn't mean he is safe to take chances or let your guard down with, especially one you barely know.

My recommendation would be don't let yourself be alone with a new play partner or client, whichever the case may be.
I have a standing offer extended to a Domme friend to be her (non-interactive) second if she ever needs it, or if her usual male slave can't accompany her.
Use the buddy system. And carry mace on you at all times.

[Edited for clarity]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 5/15/2014 1:38:49 PM >

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 5

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 5/15/2014 1:21:59 PM

FightingChains

Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

The closest thing I do bordering on sado-masochism is using nipple clamps on my sub. (I don't think my riding crop counts because I don't strike that hard.)

HEY! Nipple clamps are a tonne of pain if used in a certain way! Don't discount them!

My guy has nipple clamps that scare me more than anything else in his arsenal, and he had metal bars to whack me with, so that's saying something. Those metal clamps are scarier and tighter than anything I ever imagined. The pain and bruises from those things make me shiver when I hear about them, panic when I see them, and almost hyperventilate when he's trying to put them on me...

I'm actually expecting him to try them in about 14 hours and I'm scared fucking shitless already...

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 6

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 5/15/2014 1:54:18 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

HEY! Nipple clamps are a tonne of pain if used in a certain way! Don't discount them!

My guy has nipple clamps that scare me more than anything else in his arsenal, and he had metal bars to whack me with, so that's saying something. Those metal clamps are scarier and tighter than anything I ever imagined. The pain and bruises from those things make me shiver when I hear about them, panic when I see them, and almost hyperventilate when he's trying to put them on me...

I'm actually expecting him to try them in about 14 hours and I'm scared fucking shitless already...

They can be, but I use the wimpy adjustable version that doesn't clamp too tightly. Or even wimpier wooden clothespins.

Sensation play for me and my partner isn't about inflicting pain, but this is one of the surefire ways to get (hypothetical) him into subspace.
There are other ways, but I don't need to get into that subject now, except to say it also includes staying in states of erotically-charged headspace for both of us.

FC, enjoy your sojourn into subspace!

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to FightingChains)

Post #: 7

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 5/16/2014 12:28:41 AM

MirabellaHue

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/22/2013
Status: offline

Work on developing what makes you unique. If you are continuing to have "drive-bys" as you say to put it bluntly you are probably doing what everyone else is. There is no reason for anyone to stay with you because what they get from you they get from everyone else. The reason someone is paying you to interact with them is because you are your own, unique person. If they wanted a robot they would watch porn.

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(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 8

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/2/2014 7:20:16 PM

RedQueen1

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/2/2014
Status: offline

To the OP
All the men I've Dominated real time has been completely respectful and obedient and humbled by.my presence. No matter the pain, they wouldn't date even block me, let alone flare up on me.

(in reply to Queenrosemirage)

Post #: 9

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/5/2014 3:26:06 PM

obey1kiss

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/3/2013
Status: offline

What kind of kinky things are you into? Do you have any fetishes? Do you get off on making pathetic men you bitch? Those are questions you need to ask your self before diving into the role of a Dom. I have been in the lifestyle my whole adult life. I live and breath BDSM a

[image][/image][image][/image][image][/image][image][/image]nd Female Supremacy.Some people make us Real Doms look like gold diggers because they don't actually care of know any thing.

(in reply to Queenrosemirage)

Post #: 10

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/5/2014 8:08:36 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Queenrosemirage
It seems like the nature of a man could only t
take so much torture until he wants to snap back.

This is why topping a skill. Whether your sub/bottom is male or female, you run the risk of putting them in the hospital, having them go off on you verbally and physically, or having them call the police to report a crime. The way to avoid this is:

1. Read books.
2. Attend classes and demonstrations.
3. Pay attention to your partner's body, not just your own lust.

It can be fun to play the merciless dominant, "I don't care about you, I will take what I want, and leave you moaning on the floor," but you can't actually be that way for realz. If you are, then, yeah, someday, somewhere, some guy is going to say fuck this and punch you.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Queenrosemirage)

Post #: 11

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/6/2014 6:12:02 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

what is the most frightening experience that you have been through with a submissive or a slave?

I know this part is not what you're looking for, but...I almost had to phone 911 while topping my sub (this was about seven years before I met bo) because the AC I turned on triggered his mold allergy. His asthma inhaler worked but for a while there I was scared to death.

As for my own body being endangered, I scene with people who have PTSD 'triggers' and I enjoy rewriting over ugly old memories. (Even with friendly bottoms I expect the unexpected, as in running into a trigger I didn't know was there.)

I also have restraints with padlocks that would hold down a baby elephant if I thought I needed to use them, if someone might 'lose it' temporarily but would be okay after I released them. As for torturing someone and feeling unsafe after I'd release them from their restraints...it wold be stupid of me to go there.

edited to fix a typo

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 6/6/2014 6:14:03 PM >

(in reply to Queenrosemirage)

Post #: 12

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/7/2014 6:57:27 AM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

I have had to take things very slow with my present sub, due to a bad experience in his youth. I watch his body language very closely, and will end a scene if need be. We are doing exactly that Cynthia, rewriting over ugly old memories.

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(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 13

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/7/2014 7:31:49 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Delilya

I have had to take things very slow with my present sub, due to a bad experience in his youth. I watch his body language very closely, and will end a scene if need be. We are doing exactly that Cynthia, rewriting over ugly old memories.

Wow. I thought I was one of the few Dommes (besides those known personally to me) who is motivated or mindful of the therapeutic value of scening. I've always said that if I don't find a BDSM activity erotic or can find some therapeutic value in it, I'm not interested. Not to cut down anyone else's kink or fetish, but there's so much stuff that's just NOT sexy, without even going into squickiness. I'm glad to hear I'm in good company.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Delilya)

Post #: 14

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/25/2014 8:36:49 AM

missbrownjinx

Posts: 29
Joined: 6/11/2014
Status: offline

I have never been in fear of anything untoward happening with a sub, directed to me. I have great insticts and because of my size I always am careful anyway.

The scariest thing that has happened is a sub who liked breathplay. I would get nervous sometimes, especially since the only way he was turned on is if he was at the point of losing consciousness.

There is a scary article out there that is referenced by many when dealing with breathplay (forgot the name, but it's pretty well known). Basically the difference between strangulation and suffocation is one that most people don't get. Unfortunately he was turned on more by being strangled.

Online work is tough. The majority of people are looking for a free ride, and online they have to option to switch off whenever. I don't think there's much you can do about that other than screen your online subs carefully.

(in reply to Queenrosemirage)

Post #: 15

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/25/2014 10:17:57 PM

ArrogantFire

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/15/2012
Status: offline

Being a sadist my fear would be causing damage to someone because I loosened my control too much. That is solved by a rule I uphold religiously: I *never* play with someone unless they strike the protective spark in me. If there is nothing about them that makes me feel like I need to protect them I do not touch them.

Miss A

(in reply to missbrownjinx)

Post #: 16

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/26/2014 10:05:11 AM

MistressEsmeUK

Posts: 42
Joined: 8/18/2010
Status: offline

I do real time all the time however, I never felt threaten touch wood. Like others have said, you screen people and when you speak to people over the phone also you get a general feel for them. End of the day however if something is going to happen it will happen.

(in reply to ArrogantFire)

Post #: 17

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 6/26/2014 10:16:29 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

To the OP, no. Maybe it's due to the fact that lifestyle has been more a part of my adulthood than anything else including friendships, places, things. But I kind of know my s usually like the back of my hand after a few conversations. It wasn't always that way but I'm more observant than most which might contribute to it. It might also be that I have a lot of worldly experience from chatting with ranges in personalities. From the founder of PetMeds to my best friend who owns a flight school in Mumbai, to a hobo in Central FL and a professor of philosophy who loves Diogenes the cynic.
I have gratefully "learned" people if that makes any sense. And when you take the time to do that, you know what makes them tick, their likes and dislikes and WHAT MAKES THEM WHO THEY ARE which most who are too busy patting themselves on the back take the time to question.
If I am pushing against that it's with reason, everything is methodical. All of my subs have had subspace. I was never the same D to any of them, EVER. And I have engaged in a range of play from suspension to electro shock to asphyxiation and CBT etc etc.
I think making an effort to learn an individual before proceeding is the most important part of the process and now I'm very selective since play partners are a dime a dozen and I often get bored with the lack of evolution of things.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 6/26/2014 10:17:33 AM >

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Post #: 18

RE: Dominants Who have done real time - 7/14/2014 12:34:12 PM

MistressRage

Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate New York
Status: offline

Yeah, I had to pull a gun on a guy once. He thought he could get his session (which he was loving as it was going on) and then intimidate me into giving me his money back LOL. He stepped in just a little too close and I drew the fuck down on his ass. My pistol taught him a lesson he will not soon forget. Luckily he was smart enough to leave without further incident.

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~outRAGEous~

I don't always return to a thread. It's usually best to message your replies directly to me.

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Post #: 19

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