Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits?

Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (Full Version)

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CobaltRose -> Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/17/2014 10:40:27 PM)
Im kinda worried I do. I feel like im not fit to be a BDSM sub

DaddySatyr -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/17/2014 10:48:21 PM)
I think it depends upon how you're defining "hard limits". My lady and I have engaged in certain things that she never would have thought of before. Thankfully, she was never exposed to this lifestyle in any sort of "official" way so she never had the opportunity to expand her "hard limits". She never had the cacophony of "twue submissives", telling her that she needs to "stick to her guns" or filling her head with some of the other bullshit that goes on. She is well aware (because she took the time to get to know me) that my expectations will almost never out-distance her limitations. She was born submissive and will die submissive and she thanks the good Lord that we found each other because I am not as extreme as so many that are in this lifestyle (I make her read profiles and posts, occasionally and she has gotten very upset by some of what she has seen). Truly, only you can decide if you belong in this lifestyle or not but, I will leave you with an old adage that I think applies: There's a lid for every pot. Screen captures *still* RULE! Ya feel me?

SWDesertDom -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/17/2014 10:54:03 PM)
In a word, no. That's a pretty short list, actually (not that there is a proper length for a list).

CrazyHarleyQuinn -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 1:01:55 AM)
There's no such thing as too many hard limits. You add on there what YOU think should be added on there. Maybe some day you can turn them into soft limits, but that's up to you and you alone. It's important that you add what you love, like, dislike, and especially your hard limits, so that the people you meet will know what they can and can't do with you. Just like there's no such thing as disliking too many things in the vanilla world, the same can be said on the kink side.

evesgrden -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 6:43:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose Im kinda worried I do. I feel like im not fit to be a BDSM sub Why does that worry you? So you're kinky but not submissive, and/or you're bi and like poly play, or poly relationships with top/bottom play. This is not some elite club. There are no special accolades for anyone because of their dynamic or sexual preferences. Relax, just find someone whose personality and interests complement yours.

angelikaJ -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 9:12:23 AM)
Some thoughts: 1) You may find you are more into dominance and submission without the add-ons of BDSM. There is nothing wrong with a non-kink based D/s relationship. 2) You may discover you are more of a bottom. There is nothing wrong with that. 3) You may find in time that some of your limits change. There is nothing wrong with that either. 4) Your list of limits is not too big. Many people have similar limits.

DarkSteven -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 9:22:30 AM)
"Too many" isn't quite the right concept. If they're not often used, who cares how many there are?

candisa -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 10:04:38 AM)
having a concept of who you are and what you are willing to accept within the realm of kink will safe you tons of pain and conflict in the future.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 4:24:30 PM)
I don't think you have too many. It's just a matter of finding someone who's compatible. We all have to do that though. NBMG

CobaltRose -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 6:13:53 PM)
I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community.

shiftyw -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 7:04:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community. Stop saying "truly". Stop listening to whoever is hating on you. Do you. A LOT of people will try to tell you you aren't "true" or "real" or you're a fake. The only person who's voice matters is yours. Frankly- I hate D/s stuff for the most part. I'm way more into bondage, sado/maso, some fetish stuff. My interests revolve around bedroom only. On top of that, I have PTSD- which means that some of my limits are things that a pain slut "should be into"- but I'm not, for personal reasons. Wanna hear my hard limit list? cause its could fill a dictionary.

angelikaJ -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 8:01:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community. Some people are only into spanking. Some people are only into diapers. Some people are only into puppy play (pretending they are someone's puppy). Some people are only into the fantasy of BDSM; they love the idea for pain but for them receiving pain (or enduring pain for someone else) does nothing for them. And some people are only curious, and have no real life or even on-line experience. Of course you don't know what you are into yet. You are new. We have all been new at one time. Almost all of us here have been in this situation: we may think we know what we like but until we experience it, we really don't know... and sometimes we decide that things that used to be a hard limit soften over time with the right partner. Sometimes our limit lists shrink, sometimes they grow. Sometimes the thing we have fantasised over for years turns out to be a personal dud when we try it. The only person to decide whether you belong here is you. edit: clarity

ivone57 -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 9:39:03 PM)
I agree there is no such thing as to many hard limits ... you should see my list, I got it here somewhere, just kidding around but in all seriousness there is no such thing as too many... that's what good about all of this cause what was once a hard limit can become a soft limit without you realizing it except of course for those that everyone has...

DaddySatyr -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 10:19:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community. NO ONE has a right tell you that you don't belong here. Depending on point of view, D/s falls under the BDSM umbrella or BDSM falls under the D/s umbrella. I am in the same boat as you are and I have had people on these very boards suggest that I don't belong here. Fuck 'em, right where they take their soup. It's not your job to measure up to their standards. You do your thing and prepare yourself for that partner that's perfect for you. As for the nay sayers? Fuck 'em and feed 'em green beans! Screen captures *still* RULE! Ya feel me?

Blonderfluff -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 10:38:09 PM)
Cobalt I've read through your previous posts, and other threads you have started, and in my opinion, you are doing just fine. You've come to some realizations about yourself and that is a wonderful thing. You will continue on your path of self discovery, which is also a wonderful thing. Don't worry about fitting in. It's been said here many times, for every list of kinks...every list of hard limits...there is SOMEONE that is or will be in sync with yours. Be patient and be true to your path.

HeldandHappy -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/18/2014 11:39:19 PM)
Keep in mind there are D/s couples who engage in very little in the realm of BDSM. Also, limits can change over time, I hear . . .

FieryOpal -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/19/2014 4:07:30 AM)
You have less than 10 items listed, and you could easily list a dozen, no sweat. There are a couple items which might fall under Hates or Soft Limits, but it you feel strongly that these would be deal breakers, then that is entirely up to you. (If you'd like for me to PM you which ones I'm talking about, I'd be happy to do that and to explain why.) You have a good mix of BDSM and vanilla in each of the other categories, which is how you want to keep your Interests list, without overdoing it there either. If you don't mind, I do have a question about your profile. You say "(i need both male and female in my life)" yet you have no couples listed under Actively Seeking.

CobaltRose -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/19/2014 8:02:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal You have less than 10 items listed, and you could easily list a dozen, no sweat. There are a couple items which might fall under Hates or Soft Limits, but it you feel strongly that these would be deal breakers, then that is entirely up to you. (If you'd like for me to PM you which ones I'm talking about, I'd be happy to do that and to explain why.) You have a good mix of BDSM and vanilla in each of the other categories, which is how you want to keep your Interests list, without overdoing it there either. If you don't mind, I do have a question about your profile. You say "(i need both male and female in my life)" yet you have no couples listed under Actively Seeking. I would like a pm, yes, that would be nice. And well i never thought i was looking for a couple, because in that case i feel i was a third wheel. idk im confused. Plus im not really actively seeking anyone. Probably wont until im done with my transition,

ResidentSadist -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/19/2014 7:28:36 PM)
There are about 106 common paraphilias . . . 9 of which you don't want to participate in. That leaves 97 other things you can share interest with your partner(s). I think you'll do fine and no, your limits list doesn't seem that large.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? (5/19/2014 9:15:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community. Ok, what in the hell makes someone "truly into BDSM"? There is a whole shitload Im not into and don't have an interest in. And that doesn't make me any less than when it comes to BDSM. My guy and I live our BDSM for US because that's ultimately all that matters in the equation. It's been said time and time again, but I'll say it one more time for emphasis. There is NO such thing as "one twue way" when it comes to this. Only your way You belong wherever the heck you want to belong, OP. And don't let anyone or anything tell you different.

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