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FieryOpal -> RE: Requests For Money! (5/19/2014 6:43:50 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: imtempting
Maybe if people spent more then 2 weeks speaking to someone and not demand to be called mistress etc and kept it to a normal vanilla style friendship then they will weed out the players and only get the real. That goes for both sub and domme/don scenarios.
It isn't just here or with kinky people. On vanilla dating sites, I've had men press to meet right away or the very next day, then become belligerent because they think you're stalling or not interested enough based upon the instant connection they want to make. Pushy and impatient do not a good impression make, but it saves me time when they prove unsuitable right away instead of further on down the road.
I totally understand that some people place such a higher value on physical-sexual chemistry that they want to meet sooner rather than later. In-person chemistry is very important to me also, so I really do understand this position. But even if chemistry is there, how well can you get to know somebody in a week or less than 2 weeks? This person is still as good as a stranger to you. Suppose you have the often elusive chemistry or instant spark of attraction, but you didn't screen this person for a thousand other factors which can ALSO make or break a relationship? It's easy for somebody to hide that they're married, for instance, within a couple weeks' time but harder for him to keep up the charade for a month or longer, or any number of character deficits. (This is why unless somebody has taken a complete break or sabbatical from this site, it's considered highly suspicious to hide your profile. Women see this as Hidden Profile=Married Cheater or otherwise having deceptive or less-than-honorable intent.)
Besides, for me personally, making a mental connection has to come first and foremost, then the physical. Friendship is foundational, as far as I'm concerned, shared interests, having as much in common as possible, basic compatibility. Most men devalue friendships with women, being put into the "friend" zone--to them it signifies a form of exile; which could very well end up being the case. There are some women, though, myself included, who don't regard friendships with men to be a deserted outpost one has been relegated to, but a starting point instead or else concomitant with their pair-bonding process.
Once money or its equivalent value enters the picture as a direct transaction, then any potential relationship takes on the flavor of a business arrangement, which then takes on the undertone or overtone of pay-for-play. If that's what both parties want, so be it. What's true is that you really can't have it both ways. Either it's a BDSM play arrangement, usually with D/s role-playing thrown into the mix, or it's about forming a serious intimate D/s relationship dynamic. One or the other.
FriendlyMuppet, writing a story for a lady, writing a poem or song, drawing a personal sketch, etc., is so much more significant a romantic gesture than the usual ones (which are still meaningful). Mega brownie points, my man.
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