The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile

The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (Full Version)

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FriendlyMuppet -> The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/19/2014 11:40:02 AM)
I've been ruminating about this for some time now because in the past, I've had really bad experiences with actually putting a photo up for my profile. The problem has usually stemmed from the fact that I'm a professor, which means that every now and then a student finds my profile, recognizes the picture, and then all sorts of fun ensues. I use the word "fun" very sarcastically. So at some point, I closed an older account, pulled my picture off the site and then went underground. But that's always bothered me because I've always been one of those people who was essentially out there in the public and not ashamed of my lifestyle. Yet, there are those out there who go out of their way to condemn you for things that ironically require them to actually have to be on one of these sites in order to find you in the first place. So, I threw up a casual photo I took today and thought I'd see what happens. I'm mostly a full time writer these days, so the fear of the past problems haunting me aren't as strong. However, as most people who know me also know that I write under several different names (my main vanilla one and my published bdsm works), so this should be at least an interesting experiment.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/19/2014 11:56:51 AM)
Muppet-though I'm retired from my 'day job' at a community college, I provide music therapy to necessarily conservative senior facilities throughout my county. I too grappled with whether identifying pictures would cause problems. Since there are no fetish or nude photos (which I wouldn't put up regardless of association) I decided...ehhh. There seems to be no backlash; I've certainly demonstrated I keep my private and professional lives completely compartmentalized. If the activity directors know about it, it hasn't affected my employment with them for the last 5+ years. Shortly after a young couple moved who were tenants on my property, I accidentally discovered both their profiles on CM. I sent them a 'fancy meeting you here and I wish I'd known' note. It would have saved them much effort trying to keep the screams down. [8D] We had a good laugh over that one!

ivone57 -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/19/2014 2:08:06 PM)
I personally cant find a good picture of myself to put on here so that's why I have a toy lion. but I do understand why you cant put up a face pic. its a shame tho that people do this to others.

HeldandHappy -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/19/2014 2:11:42 PM)
I teach a private Christian university, so I completely understand. It's extremely unlikely that any or my students or colleagues would ever come here, but I don't want the risk! Good for you for deciding to just go for it at this point in your life.

eliseobeys -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/19/2014 4:14:07 PM)
Well I have done both the vanilla type and the not so vanilla type pictures of myself (even did cam before) and for my efforts, Ive been stalked twice in real by people from online, had my naughty stuff plastered all over three different pay sites and was lucky enough to survive one encounter a few years ago with one of those so called dom's who think you should be eventually destroyed for real and buried somewhere or sold when they get done with you. I figured the vanilla type would be safer, but turns out thats what both of my stalkers used to help find me in real. The same vanilla partially recognizable face shot (didnt show my mouth I had a scarf hideing the lower half of my face) one found me at work and called me from somewhere in the bookstore I was working in at the time, knew what I had on and everything, looked forward to rapeing me later and would be waiting for me outside by my car so he could follow me home and the other found me at my college and tried to pass himself off as one of my professors new students until I got wise to him asking too many questions about s and m and fetish history and wondered what name I used online to do research. He started mentioning the sites he liked and too many of them were lining up. He turned out to not be dangerous though. Which was good my hand wasnt in my purse on a tazer. I never even told them which city I lived in.

FieryOpal -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/19/2014 9:51:24 PM)
There are still many of us who stand a lot to lose by putting up a facial photo on any sort of sex-related site. Professional or career considerations probably top the list, then being seen by family and friends, or in your case, by students. This has never been an open lifestyle for me, and I prefer to retain my privacy. I have a family I don't need to embarrass. On the other hand, I could care less about featuring photos on vanilla dating sites. My only reservation there is that this is a small town and there is a small neighboring city right nearby, so the places I frequent are those where I would be easily recognizable. It's a bit different for women than it is for men. You can be seen as a kinky guy, and that's no big deal, but there are many misconceptions about being viewed as a kinky female. I don't conceal that I am a Dominant female on vanilla dating sites and that I'm only interested in finding a submissive male. This does, however, attract any horny guy on line looking for a quick hook-up. Kudos to you for showing yourself in your profile. This does remove a large obstacle we women encounter on this site at times in dealing with men who are reluctant to provide their facial pic.

LordHeimdall -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/19/2014 9:55:49 PM)
I work for a Governmental Body , and therefore could face repercussions under their 'Ethics' Policy of what may or may not look detrimental to the Department. Hence the hiding of my face...

Inghammar -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/19/2014 11:35:23 PM)
The only normal people are people you do not know. Consider the sheriff of the county in which I live. He is a member of a leather boot dungeon club and had pictures of himself shaking hands with the state senator and governor on his profile. This came to light during the last election but nobody cared much and he won re-election. I don't think being kinked and being discovered is as terrible as people make it out to be. If you want to put a face picture on here and are concerned about privacy - I would use a picture unique to this site which isn't used online elsewhere and can't be searched and connected with your profile here.

FightingChains -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/20/2014 12:03:34 AM)
I must maintain my anonymity due to work reasons, and because I'm not searching for anyone, it's not an issue. For others who are, that becomes far more complicated.

pyroaquatic -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/20/2014 1:36:41 AM)
That sort of sordid shaming is an affront to personal freedoms and liberties, really. Shame on them. Double-shame! I chose to upload this particular photograph because it's beautiful. I have very little to hide (besides below the waistline, that's reserved for very special individuals). I should run (naked) for politics. Anyone who takes real concern over what you do in your private/spare time is a mere pebble in life's effluence. Row, row, row, your boat....

FriendlyMuppet -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/20/2014 9:26:10 AM)
I should say that in the old days I used to be extremely out there with my lifestyle. I used to write about it all of the time, and I created a couple of submissive lifestyle groups that were very active in their day. That basically made it so that no matter where I went or what I did, people generally knew who I was and what I was about. It was only when I went into teaching and was in graduate school for the first time that some of that behavior started to pop up in inappropriate times. Even though I was extremely out there and proud of it, what I discovered is that there are a lot of people who hold power over you that also tend to hold people to higher standards than they probably live themselves. My very first bad experience came from a couple of college girls who found my information online (back in the early days of searching the Internet) and then when I told them it would be inappropriate for me to discuss that sort of thing with them when it had little to nothing to do with the class I was teaching them in, one of them decided to escalate it to the administration, claiming "my professor is a pervert." That sort of thing tends to really sully any positive thoughts you might have about trying to live a lifestyle in the open. The whole thing really started because a couple of college girls thought they had "something" on their professor and when he didn't play the game decided to try to make things worse for him. In the end, nothing happened administratively, but it sure did make things embarrassing during the time I was finishing my Ph.d.

pyroaquatic -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/20/2014 9:57:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FriendlyMuppet I should say that in the old days I used to be extremely out there with my lifestyle. I used to write about it all of the time, and I created a couple of submissive lifestyle groups that were very active in their day. That basically made it so that no matter where I went or what I did, people generally knew who I was and what I was about. It was only when I went into teaching and was in graduate school for the first time that some of that behavior started to pop up in inappropriate times. Even though I was extremely out there and proud of it, what I discovered is that there are a lot of people who hold power over you that also tend to hold people to higher standards than they probably live themselves. My very first bad experience came from a couple of college girls who found my information online ------------------------------------------------------------------------------snippity! In the end, nothing happened administratively, but it sure did make things embarrassing during the time I was finishing my Ph.d. Aye! Though I don't know all the details but it reflects poorly upon a persons character when they attempt to utilize completely innocuous lifestyle choices as blackmail. I would have been embarrassed for those college 'women'. I wonder where they are now? I guess it really comes down to job security and higher ups not abusing the at-will employment, or finding/making up a valid excuse to fire you. I understand the need to protect your identity-especially when it comes to making ends meet. Sadly there are those like those college girls who are actually in positions of authority who will use it against you. Then it comes down to them also outing themselves by browsing a site such as this. Such a convoluted game we play.

nwbie -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/21/2014 1:40:06 AM)
For me the solution to make sure people wouldn't be able to find out was to just cover or blurt out my face in all the pictures I posted on my profile. That way I can still choose to send face pics to those I want to and at the same time pique someone's interest. Still people or students who do such things are morons, what's the point of me blackmailing a professor to get better grades in the end I'm still a failure at the subject/class.

FriendlyMuppet -> RE: The dilemmas of actually adding a photo to one's profile (5/21/2014 10:47:38 AM)
I really hate when they move these things to a section of the boards I never read. It was about bdsm and lifestyle, so it wasn't exactly OFF topic.

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