First impressions

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MindfullyFree -> First impressions (5/22/2014 6:39:50 PM)
I have a question for the lovely Dominant ladies here. I will start by laying out a common scenario (for me) before asking. I receive a message saying something like "hey bitch" or some variant thereof. My first response is to try to start a non kink conversation. Because if I can't connect with a woman intellectually and emotionally, why would I trust her to hold my safety in her hands during play? I usually get a response that basically says shut up and submit in one form or another. Part of me suspects it to be a man wanking behind a false account, or a scam artist...but for the hell of it I want to ask how many of you expect instant obedience from potential sub/slaves without getting to know them?

PhantomViolet -> RE: First impressions (5/22/2014 6:48:43 PM)
Your gut feeling that it is either a man or a scammer is probably accurate (though in the cases that it is a woman she's likely either wanting pay for play or to simply act out stereotypical fantasies in an online setting). Honestly, no one who sends you a "hey bitch" or anything else that doesn't acknowledge you as a whole, probably complex human being isn't likely to be in it for the intellectual and emotional connection and there's no point trying to engage them in that manner. I find that to be the beauty of online, it's so easy to filter out those who aren't even in the same book let alone the same page.

FieryOpal -> RE: First impressions (5/22/2014 10:43:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MindfullyFree I have a question for the lovely Dominant ladies here.... Part of me suspects it to be a man wanking behind a false account, or a scam artist...but for the hell of it I want to ask how many of you expect instant obedience from potential sub/slaves without getting to know them? PhantomViolet has pretty much told you like it is, unfortunately on this site. I have male sub friends who tell me the same thing. You've only been here a little over a month and anyone new can expect to get targeted by every scammer around. Many CM newbies fill their profiles with a veritable kinkfest or shout their fetishes from the rooftops, but you didn't do this in yours luckily or else you'd have it much worst than you have been experiencing. You're right in questioning whether any Dominant can demand instant submission from you. They shouldn't and don't take anyone seriously who comes on strong from the getgo. Now, compliance is different, the same as I'd expect from any strange man contacting me. I've spelled out a few things in my profile to filter out those who just troll around looking for racy photos and don't bother to read through my profile, and I have one journal entry which ties in with those themes. You will find that most members, both female and male, are inclined to be receptive to responding to personalized messages. FYI, as a submissive male, you will get lost in the mix if you don't make yourself stand out and take a pro-active approach. Not even Dominant females are interested in passive men. Just today I pulled up a profile of a 40-something male sub who writes in his profile that he doesn't check in very often for messages since women don't write him frequently. Whatever made him think women should flock to him, I have no idea. He has down that he is Actively Seeking Dominant, Switch and submissive women alike. Good way to alienate yourself from everybody. He claims to want a monogamous relationship, but it would appear (for reasons I won't bother to go into) that he's just looking for kinky sex hook-ups. I'm also one of those Dommes who rarely if ever contacts a male sub out of the blue, nor do I search for their profiles to view. We get enough incoming mail to keep up with as it is without having to expend extra effort. Since you are presently seeking Friends Only, you should spend more time over here on the Forum side and let others get to know more about you this way as a person, whereas on the other Profile side, it's more like the Wild Wild West culturally speaking. Good luck with your pursuits.

BecomingV -> RE: First impressions (5/22/2014 11:06:27 PM)
Lots of good advice already but I want to add this thought, too. I think people send those kinds of emails because it rewards them in some way. Either... that's a successful approach because they seek someone who responds positively to that initial contact (different strokes for different folks) OR it's some twisted mess of a human who derives pleasure from shocking or offending others. Either way, you apparently did not feel pleasure in response to this sort of email. So, it's a matter of how to respond. Me, I go to the profile, and if found, click on hidden and on blocked. Then, return to the email and hit "block" or "report," which depends on the nature of the email - is it a waste of time or is it a threat? Bottom line, this will happen again and only you have the power to decide if you will let it interfere with your goals, your emotions or your mind. Think, "Next!" It's an online site so the question of who it really is... an endless loop question - no verifiable answer. Best of luck to you. ETA - No, I would never approach anyone in that manner, but I'm someone who has healthy boundaries, regard for others and flexibility in communication skills. BTW, your profile should help lessen the number of those types of emails you will receive.

MindfullyFree -> RE: First impressions (5/23/2014 3:08:15 AM)
Thank you for your thoughtful responses and imput :-)

MsLadySue -> RE: First impressions (5/23/2014 4:52:28 AM)
I have nothing new to add to the great advice provided already. I looked at your profile and wanted to say how refreshing it was to read about a person instead of a list of kinks. Great profile that lets people know you are a human being with a good head on your shoulders. Kudos! I hope you stick around and add your 2 cents to the topics on this side.

MindfullyFree -> RE: First impressions (5/23/2014 8:09:56 AM)
Thank you for the compliment, I am not much of a talker, and try not to form opinions (they get in the way of facts too often) but when the opportunity presents itself I will gladly chime in. :-)

SeekingTrinity -> RE: First impressions (5/23/2014 8:30:15 AM)
~FRing it~ I find it ridiculous to demand instant respect from someone. I'm of the opinion that I want to have earned that respect because of who I am and how I conduct myself. Otherwise the respect just seems empty, hollow, and meaningless. By all means, common courtesy is acceptable...but that courtesy works on both sides of the kneel. My thoughts are that those who are so enamored of their "I am über dominant, hear me roar" label while thumping their chest are lacking in the understanding of what dominance means.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: First impressions (5/23/2014 4:41:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsLadySue Great profile that lets people know you are a human being with a good head on your shoulders. Kudos! I second that! Welcome to the boards. I hope you enjoy your time here.

twoholewonder -> RE: First impressions (5/23/2014 6:28:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MindfullyFree I have a question for the lovely Dominant ladies here. I will start by laying out a common scenario (for me) before asking. I receive a message saying something like "hey bitch" or some variant thereof. My first response is to try to start a non kink conversation. Because if I can't connect with a woman intellectually and emotionally, why would I trust her to hold my safety in her hands during play? I usually get a response that basically says shut up and submit in one form or another. Part of me suspects it to be a man wanking behind a false account, or a scam artist...but for the hell of it I want to ask how many of you expect instant obedience from potential sub/slaves without getting to know them? I don't expect immediate submission, and even those who try to give it to me, I tell them to back off. To me, someone who messages me is my equal. They are worthy of respect and dignity until they offer to hand it over to me. They do not, and should not be calling me 'ma'am', 'mistress', 'goddess' or any other variant of D/s titling. It's absurd to believe a total stranger to me should kowtow to me. I do not let anyone do so, until after there's been some solid discussion about interests outside of kink.

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