DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (Full Version)

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dcnovice -> DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/27/2014 6:22:13 PM)


May 27, 2014
Lights on the Horizon


Dear Ones ---

I’m pretty much trudging these days. Exhaustion deeper than I’ve ever encountered has engulfed me, and it’s bad enough to make me nostalgic for chemo fatigue. I’m more scared of the next operation than of the last one because I know what a long, hard slog it will be. An elderly cyst at the back of my head is making me twitch and ache; I don’t have the bandwidth to tackle that atop the surgery. Work is wearying and frustrating. My sideboard is a sea of envelopes stuffed with medical paperwork and bills I can’t bring myself to sort out. I’m lonely and terrified that paragraphs like these project such negativity that I’m driving folks away.

So I need to lift my eyes off the rutted path and scan the horizon for light and hope. Let’s see if we can’t find something to look forward to after making it through this medical marathon. Here goes . . .

 Having energy again. Walking, dancing, swimming.

 Hitting the beach.

 Answering letters and emails. At this point I owe a reply to everyone I’ve ever met, and more than a few folks I haven’t.

 Having the strength to heft the latest Wilson biography.

 Being a more attentive uncle and godparent.

 Going to the movies.

 Canoeing.

 Enjoying the Advent retreat at Rehoboth in December.

 Becoming a regular at St. Margaret’s again.

 Leaving my trusty pillow at home.

 Having the prep be the worst part of a colonoscopy.

 Exploring the Zoo, seeing everything that’s opened and changed since I last had any steam for facing the hill.

 Guiding folks at Wilson House.

 Culling and organizing my books.

 Forgetting what morphine tablets look like.

 Going on vacation.

 Giving thanks and thanks and thanks.

Well, that’ll work for a start. [:)]

As ever, love to you all!

Cheers,
DC



MistressDarkArt -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/27/2014 6:51:06 PM)

You're not driving me away, DC. When life is difficult, there are good days and bad. I refuse to haul out Pollyana when I feel like sh*t, and if others can't handle the truth that day, I'm OK with them taking a break. I know they love me.

Interestingly enough, when I was completely down for the count, all I craved was geting back my old life. That's not exactly what happened. Yet I learned to appreciate the things I could do well and let go the things I couldn't, or accept that I had limited abilities now and lower the bar. I learned new things better suited to my new abilities, too. I consider all a triumph, and I hope you will too. Sometimes just making it through a difficult day is good enough.

Hang in there, good buddy. Life will stabilize.



DomKen -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/27/2014 6:56:49 PM)

You couldn't ever drive me away. Your worst isn't anything. I wallow in some real self pity at times and I'm not nearly as sick as you are.

Feel better my friend.



Musicmystery -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/27/2014 7:12:10 PM)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qde5NMy7WTU&feature=kp



MistressDarkArt -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/27/2014 8:36:36 PM)

DC, may I direct you to this thread? http://www.collarchat.com/m_4698808/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4698943

During times we feel our bodies betray us, it's good to acknowledge what IS working well!



ShaharThorne -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/28/2014 2:10:56 AM)

You owe me a tour! Might take me a few days to get there by the bus...just have a sleeper sofa for me or a good sleeping bag. I don't trust hotel beds due to bedbugs. I deserve to go to the Smith anyway...already been to Walter Reed years ago ('87).



dcnovice -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/28/2014 2:23:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

DC, may I direct you to this thread? http://www.collarchat.com/m_4698808/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4698943

During times we feel our bodies betray us, it's good to acknowledge what IS working well!

Excellent idea! [:)]



FieryOpal -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/28/2014 2:47:49 PM)

You don't know me, dc, but my heart goes out to you as you deal with your medical condition(s) and getting through each grueling day. I haven't been in your situation, but I did have two relatives, one terminally ill and the other chronically ill, whom I cared for and comforted. You are blessed to have family you can rely on, to be an uncle and to be a godparent. Many suffer alone as invalids. You can only do the best that you can do, and not more. I guess what I'm trying to say is to count your blessings (which I'm sure you do), and don't sweat the small stuff. Managing your health, letting others help you, keeping your spirits up and your hope alive, walking in love and faith--that's the big stuff. Everything else is the small stuff.

[image]local://upfiles/1774587/B7F25EDA690F44A3AE79692CC54F19D3.jpg[/image]



MistressDarkArt -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/28/2014 3:29:56 PM)

Thanks for stopping by, DC. I knew you would find something to appreciate!



chatterbox24 -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/30/2014 7:14:00 AM)

May you continue to be gifted incredible strength in your process of recover. So much to look forward too!



Blonderfluff -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/30/2014 7:25:10 AM)

DC
You are not driving us away, you are being honest. I would doubt your sanity if all your updates were sunshine and roses. Your honest lamentations only give a greater appreciation for your entire journey.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/30/2014 10:27:05 AM)

Driving us away? Highly doubtful, DC. If you want the honest truth, I love reading your updates...good, bad, or Ivan the Ileo ugly [:)]. Because even when you talk about something painful or horrible, you always talk about a silver lining. No matter how small it is at the moment, you find it. It's inspiring. It's uplifting. It's a reminder that no matter how dark it might seem, one can always find something to hold onto to help them get through.




needlesandpins -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/30/2014 11:24:33 AM)

Hey hey DC. I haven't bothered with this site for a while, as it's lost it's appeal, and I have some family stuff going on, but I wanted to post to say I still wanted to pop in to keep up with how you are getting on. I know how hard it is to stay positive when you are so exhausted, and as usual I admire your pluck for kicking yourself in to doing it anyway.

needles xx



kdsub -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/30/2014 11:28:45 AM)

quote:

So I need to lift my eyes off the rutted path and scan the horizon for light and hope


DC two days ago I was camping on Rocky Creek deep in the Missouri Ozarks and the scene before me had me contemplating my place in the Universe. The photo I took does not even come close to the beauty I saw. Damn I am lucky to be alive... So are you.

Butch

[image]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k69/Daviskw2004/IMG_8920-small_zpscefbb388.jpg[/image]



MistressDarkArt -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/30/2014 4:40:36 PM)

That's an AMAZING picture, Butch! Wow!



kdsub -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/30/2014 7:34:26 PM)

Thanks MistressDarkArt... I sat there three evenings hoping for a break in the clouds... nothing but thunderstorms... I was about ready to give up and head to camp when the clouds parted for just a few minutes. It did fill my mind with wonder... I hope it cheers DC as well.

Butch



thishereboi -> RE: DC Update: Lights on the Horizon (5/30/2014 7:45:19 PM)

Sorry, but you can't get rid of me that easily. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself and that's the most important part. Cheers back atcha [:)]



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