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Slipstreme -> RE: When a young relative "comes out" as bdsm oriented (7/11/2006 11:00:22 AM)
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quote:
Thank you for the reply, CrappyDom. I do wonder sometimes, about that pack of hetero guys she hangs with. She seems to almost exclusively hang with guys. I don't think she's a _lut, or anything like that, she's far too academic and into school and her job, etc, for that - but, then again I am not sure how much (if any) sex she has.
Quick facts: I am 20, and just lost my virginity with the people mentioned in my signature. I hang out with guys all the time, and most of my friends are guys, a couple I scene with often (I'm currently nursing wounds from last night :P). It could very well be about the same thing for her.
As far as the dangers of the internet, those mentioned in my sig were initially found on the internet, granted, on a furry board. However, at her age and in this time, I am sure she at least knows about message boards, myspace (hate that fad), Facebook, chat rooms, AIM and other instant messengers, emails, blogs, and personal websites already. The internet is such a huge hub for communication, when you look right at it, sometimes it is mindboggling. There are always new sites to meet, talk to, and get to know people. Personally I would point her in the right direction towards information, but at least let her know about the dangers that might be lurking over the net. However, being that she is 18, and seems to be a bit mature, for the most part, you could trust her judgement. I highly doubt she would put herself in danger when a red flag shows up. Just be there to let her know what the red flags are, what to look out for. Tell her if she needs to talk about an internet friendship she is having, that you will be there, and listen to what she has to say. Since she was already comfortable enough to come out to you, she will probably be comfortable enough to let you know when things just don't seem right. As far as being hit on, it just hasn't happened enough to me to know how to handle it, for I am, by society's standards, too ugly to gain attention.
Some sites you can point her to that will help her understand what this is all about: http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/
http://public.diversity.org.uk/deviant/
These sites are pretty much devoid of photos, but have a rather large wealth of information to pull from, and the first link, I think is the most important which explains why. Why it is that we do what we do, and why it is that we aren't freaks for doing it. I think it would help her gain an insight into herself as it did for me. The last two are more on the practical. How to, and what exactly is this activity. However, please, emphasize to her about safety, her own personal safety and the safety of her subs/ bottoms, so that she won't make the mistakes that new dom/mes sometimes make, that pretty much boots them from the community. Once considered dangerous, always considered dangerous, even if the mistake is due to accident.
If you can feel ready to show her this one: http://www.thedomsview.com/ This has a very large wealth of information that is definately geared towards Dominants. However, it does contain photos and fetish art of what it is that we do.
Good luck. I've given you the sites I know helped me most figure out who I was and what I was into in this lifestyle (aside from all the flogging sites :P). I hope someone else can find them as informative as I have.
I agree with Master Fire about letting her know about your fears of being outed. However, if you continue to hold on to them and remain silent, who will she turn to when she needs guidance? Domme she may become, but even then, we need help and direction often as well. Please be there to pick up the pieces.
Again, I wish you luck. I don't know of how deeply your need to preserve your vanilla persona is because I tend to be open about who I am to whoever will listen, but that has always been me.
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