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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them.

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No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 4:14:39 AM

KennelDeSade2

Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
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I wanted some source material for a “what I'd like” line for my profile. But looking at a forum posts, then reading the posters profile and I had to marvel that inspiration comes from the most unlikely sources. Because I put that aside and got to thinking about all the posts we see about “fakes, flakes, and posers and getting stood up and now I'm leaving in a huff because you kids are being too mean to me!”

I started down the usual laundry list of. . .
any and all E-mails will be filtered through him. ~*smiles*~
If cyber is all you seek
I am now under the protection of
I AM NOT LOOKING FOR RELATIONSHIPS, NOT TO RELOCATE, NOT TO MEET PEOPLE
If you seek a ... then don't
I will not be answering any Dom/Domme correspondences any longer.
If you seek someone to manipulate as opposed
oh yeah, and my Master reads my mail as well...
And my own personal favorite theme: “Hi, I'm so grand that the only reason I'm here is to tell you all how happy I am that I'm not with some male scum like you and that if you are a pretty girl between the ages of 18-20, then my 65 year old master and I are looking for a playtoy to help her to experience the joys of submission and herpes.”

But, what is the common theme that ties all these together? I've got a theory. (yeah, what a surprise, eh?)

I'm thinking that the people who complain about being stood up, about all the fakes, about all the dishonesty, are the people answering these profiles. Does every profile that carries one of these lines show it's written by someone who isn't “real?” I won't make that claim. But I will say that I've never answered a single one because they contain what I've come to think of as the hallmarks of “The Legion of Lifeless Boredom.” I can also say I've never met a single fake, and I've been stood up ONCE. She called later to say she was sorry for not telling me she was married, so I only count her because I read a book in a parking lot for 45-minutes and she never showed. (No, I'm not going to say how many, I'd look more like a slut than I already do)
It also seems that most complaints about how they never meet anybody real comes from people who don't have a really solid idea of what they want, or who they are. The people I see complain about their bad luck seem to have one of three profiles, and you have to wonder about them. If their page contains no information about them, who would be interested in them, when there are so many interesting profiles? If their profile details every aspect of their desire, who is interested in a person who's entire existence is so constrained that it doesn't make up a full page of text? Or the other extreme, the guy who is working on volume eight of his thoughts and plans for the life he would have, if he ever stopped writing, isn't likely to be a big hit either.

So, my theory that explains why there are still so many weird ass profiles and at the same time why the same kind of people keep complaining about fakes etc. They spend all their time writing to each other. And that is why the types don't vanish due to lack of interest and traffic.

The only time normal people encounter them, is in the forums, where they come to complain about being unhappy with everybody else.

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RE: No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 4:23:49 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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You are pretty funny, Kennel - and you could be right!
It's nice to see someone urging the positive (vs. the negative) to come out
re: What they find online here and in profiles. My thought about complaints like these (besides that they should go in gooddogbenji's "All Complaints Go Here!" thread - was (usually): Geez - at the bottom of the screen, when you log on to Collarme - there's a number re: How many members there are here - and that number is in the tens of thousands..so maybe it would help if some people -

1) Yes - accentuated the positive more

2) Keep on looking.

I realize I am not the hall monitor, and I think I might understand how frustrating it can be for some, and might not as much right to comment on this, maybe, as others might, since I state in mine I am seeking friends for now, but I get my fair share of scary mail. I also am lax about opening it.

But- one thing I don't plan to do in the future (when I expand my profile) is list a bunch of requirements so stringent they would maybe scare people away. And I think stating more than one sentence about oneself in a profile is helpful (unless the person is online a lot, and the "audience" they are wanting to reach they know reads these message boards a lot if they post here). I know some folks are genuinely trying to ward off scary or unwanted mail, but for those who aren't, and are furstrated by the "phonies" and the "fakes" well, maybe...

- Susan.

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/10/2006 4:40:01 AM >

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RE: No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 5:59:34 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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I am always amazed when I see the threads about the posers, fakes and flakes---people vanishing etc---it's not to say I don't believe they exist, its simply that for some reason they never make it past round one with Me personally. Since I joined this site, I haver used it exclusively to seek submissives and to seek friends. The submissives that I have met aren't My boys because they were flakes, they just weren't right for Me---and most of them are today My dearest friends--those that approached for mentoring and were married, were honest upfront, the ones that were sincere got My counsel---once couple today are My best friends---I am sure that in My screening process, I have eliminated some that were good but they just could not represent themselves well enough to dispell concerns. So My point is, perhaps the screening process needs to be better? I am also always amazed at how soon people start giving out cell phone numbers, etc.--I know there is a tough balance between online and moving to real time, but one has to IMHEO work through online and chats at least long enough to uncover behavior traits. I guess its Me, but I can spot it fairly soon.

But even with My profile today--clear and straightforward, I still get petitioned by the 22 yr old from China who wants to serve Me for eternity. <smiles> He got a very polite--no thank you.

I am also equally amazed when submissives say, "wow you really are what you portray--uhm why wouldn't I be?"--and I find that sad because instead of using the internet to let people be more Real, it has allowed them to be more fake---well as long as humans have the ability to make decisions, there is always a huge door open to lie and cheat.

But as Susan said, patience, patience, communicate, interview, screen and for heaven's sake don't email someone asking for things their profile says they will not do! Time for coffee...

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 7/10/2006 6:00:40 AM >

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RE: No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 6:17:38 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Another smile to start my morning. I understand where you are coming from. I often wonder if there are just some people that see the little flags that go up and others that do not. I cannot think of one person I have set up to meet from the net that did a no show. None of them ever turned into anything more than at most a great friendship and at worst a "get the hell out of there", but they did show up. I don't know maybe I look at the whole thing differently also. I don't look at every contact as the potential love of my life. I just look at it as an opportunity to meet someone, get to know them, see what happens. I don't know maybe I am not intense enough about the need to have someone or maybe there is something wrong with me in my ability to be happily alone versus dealing with alot of crap just to "get a little". But my whole goal is just to make a few friends, get to know people, learn from them and hey, if someone I happen to meet rocks my quiet little world then its a bonus.

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RE: No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 8:58:48 AM

KennelDeSade2

Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
None of them ever turned into anything more than at most a great friendship and at worst a "get the hell out of there", but they did show up. I don't know maybe I look at the whole thing differently also. I don't look at every contact as the potential love of my life.

I'm in agreement with you on this point. The most I ever hope to find is somebody who can carry on a decent conversation. I don't care if they don't have a picture, odds are very good we will never meet, so what does it matter what they look like? I have friends I've met on the net living all over the country, who's homes I've stayed in as a guest, and don't expect I'll ever do anything more than hug them.
The thing is, I cull HARD when I first talk to somebody, and most times I'll drop/block a new contact in the first ten minutes unless they make the cut. I just don't have the time to be any other way.

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RE: No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 4:37:52 PM

Fawne

Posts: 462
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Respectfully: Not all are fakes.

Yep, my profile is deactivated. Why? Single, slim, attractive female sub with lots of interests. Get scary emails. Say "no thanks" and people come back under another name. Trolls. Trolls suck!

Met some nice people. This place can be great. Be well, be safe. Good luck, all!

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RE: No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 5:12:38 PM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fawne

Trolls suck!

Ahh but the question my dear is this.. do they swallow??

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RE: No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 5:18:06 PM

Fawne

Posts: 462
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JessieMe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fawne

Trolls suck!

Ahh but the question my dear is this.. do they swallow??

gotta laugh. I found no reason to go into detail, so the lowest common denominator was chosen.

Take care!

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RE: No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 5:52:01 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I haven't gotten around to cleaning out my email folder in weeks and weeks. I looked at it today and half of the names that emailed me were blackened, meaning they closed their accounts after shooting me an email.. usually days after. I wonder if it is the same person emailing me over and over and over again thinking my reply will change.. which sometimes I do not respond at all. It is just odd.

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RE: No shows, the vanished, and those who loved them. - 7/10/2006 6:46:40 PM

sharainks

Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
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I think people's profiles state some of these things to weed out those that they already know they would not fit with. It may turn some folks off but thats the point. I recently changed my profile cause I keep getting mail from those who appear to be into heavy physical punishment. A number of panic attacks have told me that doesn't work for me. Thats kind of along the lines of "One of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

Sometimes it seems that people know what they don't want more so than what they want. At least its a place to start.

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