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RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/1/2014 9:01:16 PM   
ThePrincessKali


Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Killerangel, I agree on all counts.

MissImmortalPain, while I agree we all want our needs met, I don't seek someone *ever* who I would not also be fulfilling their interests as well, and I do see in this case, both people are getting that too.

This perhaps simply blurs the line in my mind of someone who doesn't care about the kinksters they participate and are truly selfish without interest in also meeting the other participant's needs. I can be a selfish asshole when I get sadistic, and I am selfish, but it's in the knowledge he gets what he needs out of it. I'm selfless enough to know that me being selfish is what he needs, and I'll let myself be a selfish bastard. Nonetheless, "informed selfishness" is different from just being a pathetic, selfish person who never gives a damn about others.

Thank you both for the new perspective.


I'm a Fin Domme. I've encountered subs who didn't want to tribute me because they didn't feel I was selfish and bitchy enough. They wanted to give their money to a very specific type of woman. They wanted to imagine her as being a stuck up, greedy, spoiled brat that didn't give a shit about them. That's really not me. So we weren't a good match. But if that's what the sub wants, how is that exploitation? Some subs get off on their Domme not giving a shit about them.

(in reply to FightingChains)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/1/2014 9:35:50 PM   
PhantomViolet


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/20/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

This perhaps simply blurs the line in my mind of someone who doesn't care about the kinksters they participate and are truly selfish without interest in also meeting the other participant's needs. I can be a selfish asshole when I get sadistic, and I am selfish, but it's in the knowledge he gets what he needs out of it. I'm selfless enough to know that me being selfish is what he needs, and I'll let myself be a selfish bastard. Nonetheless, "informed selfishness" is different from just being a pathetic, selfish person who never gives a damn about others.



Just like you have to use controlled selfishness with your partner, so do FinDommes have to use controlled selfishness with their clients. And as princess kali said, it's the selfishness that these men are getting off on. They WANT the Domme to act like they don't give two shits about the man, just like your partner needs you to act selfish, albeit in a different way. Is it really so difficult to see the difference just because there's money changing hands? I've seen so many men moaning about the terrible unethical FinDommes, when in reality the ones who are truly unethical are the ones who don't last long because they make no money and quickly move on to another thing they think will make them easy cash. I've been tempted to do financial domination in the past, because I've been approached to do it so many times. At least once I week I get someone wanting to pay me money for something. Ultimately I don't because I have no patience for being someone's fetish vending machine and I'd rather scrape by in my 40 hour a week job than live in the lap of luxury but have to cater to the sexual needs of others.

(in reply to FightingChains)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 5:57:47 AM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel


quote:

ORIGINAL: hilypo

Every time I see a "findom", I just can't help but think, "Oh, another faker got in..." They're everywhere, and all they care about is money. How is that interesting? Could I become one and just have people wire me money every month by doing nothing but showing fake pictures?



It puzzles me why men get so worked up about findom. Big deal.


I'm often puzzled by these threads as well, but generally from a different angle. Personally, I'm pretty libertarian about it myself; whatever consenting adults want to do, it's what they want to do - no skin off me. But what puzzles me is that for every male who starts a thread complaining about findommes, there's usually a dozen or more respondents jumping in to defend it. So, obviously, it's more than just the men who get "worked up about" it.

quote:


It's not just about the women asking for money, t's about money on both sides because men are handing it over. It's just as valid a kink as foot fetishists, latex lovers, or people that get off on clowns, vomit, or balloons. Where are the men getting up in arms about those kinks?


Those kinks don't involve money. HUGE difference right there.



(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 6:20:53 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

.... It's just as valid a kink as foot fetishists, latex lovers, or people that get off on clowns, vomit, or balloons....

Those kinks don't involve money. HUGE difference right there.


Au contraire, except perhaps vomit, unless feederism was involved in conjunction with it (food isn't free).

In one way or another, just about everything costs money. Pedicures aren't free. Foot fetishists most often fetishize shoes. Latex, rubber suits, clown costumes & make-up--balloons are pretty cheap, though.

We don't pick our partners by how little money we will have to spend for the upkeep and maintenance of their particular kinks & fetishes. Heck, each pair of fishnet stockings alone, which has 1-2 uses, costs $10-20 a drop and that adds up.

I had one sub under consideration who expected me to get a wooden stockade for him. He kept mentioning it and I told him to find one on line. He could have constructed it himself, the engineer motherfucker. His own lack of initiative and expecting the Domme to provide for him AND to host him got him kicked to the curb.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 10:34:14 AM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

.... It's just as valid a kink as foot fetishists, latex lovers, or people that get off on clowns, vomit, or balloons....

Those kinks don't involve money. HUGE difference right there.


Au contraire, except perhaps vomit, unless feederism was involved in conjunction with it (food isn't free).

In one way or another, just about everything costs money. Pedicures aren't free. Foot fetishists most often fetishize shoes. Latex, rubber suits, clown costumes & make-up--balloons are pretty cheap, though.

We don't pick our partners by how little money we will have to spend for the upkeep and maintenance of their particular kinks & fetishes. Heck, each pair of fishnet stockings alone, which has 1-2 uses, costs $10-20 a drop and that adds up.

I had one sub under consideration who expected me to get a wooden stockade for him. He kept mentioning it and I told him to find one on line. He could have constructed it himself, the engineer motherfucker. His own lack of initiative and expecting the Domme to provide for him AND to host him got him kicked to the curb.


I see what you're saying, and sure, everything costs money. I was just thinking in terms of why there might be a difference in how the aforementioned kinks might be perceived.

I've thought about this when I've seen this topic come up before (as it has once or twice in the few years I've been here), but with the arguing I've seen over it, my observation is that people tend to get very emotional about the topic of money. Killerangel was asking the question as to why men get all worked up over it, and I think it's because men get all worked up over money. For whatever reason, it's something very personal and deeply emotional for a lot of men, and that may be why it's such a compelling kink for some. But for the exact same reason, it can raise a lot of fuss and feathers - more so than one would see with any of the other kinks which have been mentioned.

I'll admit that there's no clear cut answer to the question as to why money seems to bring the worst in some people, but it's something I've observed throughout my life. Maybe it's society itself, in a culture where we learn that "money makes the world go round" and "money is the root of all evil" both at the same time.

Then, of course, for men, the other very personal and deeply emotional part of their persona is sex. So, for whatever reason, money and sex seem to be primary components in a man's overall emotional makeup - and can sometimes bring out the best or the worst in a man, depending on other facets of his personality and character. Likewise, extreme and contradictory ideals and morals about sex coexist within the culture, just as with money and materialism.

So, perhaps as kinks go, this may be one of the more complicated. Vomit and balloons are pretty straightforward - either one is into it or not. Most people would just say "I'm not into that" and get on with their lives. For those men who do not associate vomit with either sex or money, neither of those components will trigger any kind of sharp emotional response. So, I would suggest that it's not so much that men get worked up over the kink of financial domination, but perhaps the kink itself might be triggering other emotional reactions which are at play.


(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 11:13:59 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

I see what you're saying, and sure, everything costs money. I was just thinking in terms of why there might be a difference in how the aforementioned kinks might be perceived.

I've thought about this when I've seen this topic come up before (as it has once or twice in the few years I've been here), but with the arguing I've seen over it, my observation is that people tend to get very emotional about the topic of money. Killerangel was asking the question as to why men get all worked up over it, and I think it's because men get all worked up over money. For whatever reason, it's something very personal and deeply emotional for a lot of men, and that may be why it's such a compelling kink for some. But for the exact same reason, it can raise a lot of fuss and feathers - more so than one would see with any of the other kinks which have been mentioned.

I'll admit that there's no clear cut answer to the question as to why money seems to bring the worst in some people, but it's something I've observed throughout my life. Maybe it's society itself, in a culture where we learn that "money makes the world go round" and "money is the root of all evil" both at the same time.

Then, of course, for men, the other very personal and deeply emotional part of their persona is sex. So, for whatever reason, money and sex seem to be primary components in a man's overall emotional makeup - and can sometimes bring out the best or the worst in a man, depending on other facets of his personality and character. Likewise, extreme and contradictory ideals and morals about sex coexist within the culture, just as with money and materialism.

So, perhaps as kinks go, this may be one of the more complicated. Vomit and balloons are pretty straightforward - either one is into it or not. Most people would just say "I'm not into that" and get on with their lives. For those men who do not associate vomit with either sex or money, neither of those components will trigger any kind of sharp emotional response. So, I would suggest that it's not so much that men get worked up over the kink of financial domination, but perhaps the kink itself might be triggering other emotional reactions which are at play.


Good points. Money is power to many folks. To others it represents freedom (autonomy), which could be argued are inexorably linked together. I also think money represents slightly different things to men than it does to women, but I don't care to get into a dispute about this. (Not you Zonie, you're one of the more sensible ones.)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 1:12:53 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:


I'm a Fin Domme. I've encountered subs who didn't want to tribute me because they didn't feel I was selfish and bitchy enough. They wanted to give their money to a very specific type of woman. They wanted to imagine her as being a stuck up, greedy, spoiled brat that didn't give a shit about them.


Aye lass, there's nowt as queer as folk!

Let it be noted: Love, sex and erotic drives are frequently irrational. That's no doubt even more the case when you add kink to the mixture.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to ThePrincessKali)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 1:46:40 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali


quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Killerangel, I agree on all counts.

MissImmortalPain, while I agree we all want our needs met, I don't seek someone *ever* who I would not also be fulfilling their interests as well, and I do see in this case, both people are getting that too.

This perhaps simply blurs the line in my mind of someone who doesn't care about the kinksters they participate and are truly selfish without interest in also meeting the other participant's needs. I can be a selfish asshole when I get sadistic, and I am selfish, but it's in the knowledge he gets what he needs out of it. I'm selfless enough to know that me being selfish is what he needs, and I'll let myself be a selfish bastard. Nonetheless, "informed selfishness" is different from just being a pathetic, selfish person who never gives a damn about others.

Thank you both for the new perspective.


I'm a Fin Domme. I've encountered subs who didn't want to tribute me because they didn't feel I was selfish and bitchy enough. They wanted to give their money to a very specific type of woman. They wanted to imagine her as being a stuck up, greedy, spoiled brat that didn't give a shit about them. That's really not me. So we weren't a good match. But if that's what the sub wants, how is that exploitation? Some subs get off on their Domme not giving a shit about them.



Quoted for truth and similar experience:

While people like the OP can't accept that some people *want* partners who play or honestly are the bitchy, self-centered, uncaring domina, that's the fact of the matter.

It's the same as with other fetishes and power dynamics. Some people, most in my experience, want a dominant who at least part of the time acts that way. For many they desire and feel their happiest in a relationship or play where the dominant acts or is truly that way with them. Not speaking of findom specifically here, but with a wide range of play and relationships.

There are many, many, many people whose kink is the feeling of humiliation, being used, and/or being useful. Take a look at FemDom porn and male sub expectations/desires outside of findom: the typical view and want is the constantly leather and corset-clad, high-heeled, ultra-femme, cruel and sadistic domina.

And once finding that dominant females, findom or not findom included, more often or entirely wear other things, give hugs, experience the normal wide range of human emotions, want relationships, may or may not wear makeup, go to the grocery store and take out the trash and so on... You know, run into the fact that we female doms are people who aren't that stereotype/kink, they want nothing to do with them or complain on sites like this and even in real life that they aren't "real".

I, among many other kinks and relationship styles, am a findom. I don't do the constant humiliation or treating-as-worthless thing with a finsub... So the majority that offer to serve me financially lose interest once I make that clear or I turn them away because that's the style they seek.

For every finsub I've had, in or out of a more involved relationship, I've literally turned away more than 40 at a low-side approximation because they wanted the Constant Using Bitch type. Or blackmail. I don't do blackmail and that ends a huge amount of things before they even start.

Different people have different kinks. I don't get all of other people's. Some of other people's squick me, offend me or just plain baffle me. Doesn't make them illegitimate or truly existing and enjoyed kinks by those who do them.

I don't get toilet slavery, for example, and am squicked by the idea of someone eating my poop. One could really, really complain and argue that the top is being uncaring, cruel, inconsiderate, not-real, et cetera because those poor bottoms can't truly like being shit on and eating it.

But that isn't true. Many love and seek it and fantasize about it and do it with joy.

Not getting or liking a kink doesn't make it not someone else's.



_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 2:20:11 PM   
RedQueen1


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/2/2014
Status: offline 		There is bad people scamming others every where. There are in fact findoms scamming, however there are real ones around too. I've dominated for years. Professionally and for fun. ( ,both are fun) Im good at what I do. I care. I am in fact, working. Real domination is not just beating someone's ass or pulling their hair. It's mental and it's finding what makes that person tick, while I'm pleasing myself as well. I am experienced and caring. They are paying for my experience as well as my service. I am supplying them with something they want crave and need. Like every other thing in their lives, they pay for it.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 6:56:31 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

How exactly is someone who is begging to give you their money, exploiting them? Or those who pay for online sessions bc they dont want a real relationship exploitative? It's not like fin Dommes go around stealing money from people or forcing them to fork it over. I think men expecting women to rush to them and dominate or do whatever they want solely so these men can get off is more exploitative than two consenting adults making a financial exchange. It seems the only people who get upset over financial domination are male subs who expect women to line up to dominate them and then find it doesn't happen. How about married people trying to find a partner outside of their marriage? Or those expecting sex right away under the guise of kink? Isn't that exploiting someone? Yet we don't see those threads every ten minutes.


I'm ready to be exploited.

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 6:59:47 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Killerangel,

I simply questioned people using other's kinks against them. If kinksters pay money, that's their business.

Someone goes "hey, I just found a group of people who'll give me money and treats if I treat them like shit! Kinksters! All I have to do is tell them how pathetic they are and demand money and they give it!"

That bothers me. Being a selfish, using bitch isn't a kink as far as I'm concerned. It's selfishness.


McDonalds, Nordstroms, your local paper and anyone that sells you anything you buy fits that description.

Perhaps you should quit buying stuff.

"hey, I just found a group of people who'll give me money and treats if I (give them what makes them happy): Humans! All I have to do is tell them how when and where my product will be and demand money and they give it!"

(in reply to FightingChains)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/2/2014 11:37:08 PM   
FightingChains


Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
McDonalds, Nordstroms, your local paper and anyone that sells you anything you buy fits that description.

Perhaps you should quit buying stuff.

"hey, I just found a group of people who'll give me money and treats if I (give them what makes them happy): Humans! All I have to do is tell them how when and where my product will be and demand money and they give it!"


You make a very fair point.

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/3/2014 12:34:02 AM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		I love financial domination. I call it...dominating the market. I've shown them small time, how to make enough money for my women to pay for college, even cars and oh yes...shoes. Yes...the shoes will come but they can wait.

(in reply to FightingChains)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/3/2014 7:19:48 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
McDonalds, Nordstroms, your local paper and anyone that sells you anything you buy fits that description.

Perhaps you should quit buying stuff.

"hey, I just found a group of people who'll give me money and treats if I (give them what makes them happy): Humans! All I have to do is tell them how when and where my product will be and demand money and they give it!"


You make a very fair point.


(It's a gift and a curse. I have a brain the size of a small galactic nebulae).

(in reply to FightingChains)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/3/2014 7:25:34 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

Here is a recent MRI I had done:






Attachment (1)

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 6/3/2014 7:30:09 PM >

(in reply to FightingChains)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/3/2014 8:26:08 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

It's a gift and a curse. I have a brain the size of a small galactic nebulae).

Is that where size matters, though?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/4/2014 4:03:00 AM   
StraponSimone


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/8/2013
Status: offline 		If she provides you with a phone number, dial and use your common sense and use your judgement (if you have any) on what she has to offer. Her 'fake' pictures can't hide behind a voice that knows how to command and puts you in your place (insert subby fantasy). Do your research if it is of value to you.

(in reply to FightingChains)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/4/2014 5:02:07 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

It's a gift and a curse. I have a brain the size of a small galactic nebulae).

Is that where size matters, though?


Well, yes, in a manner, being that it's the size of a small galactic nebulae.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/4/2014 6:57:39 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Nebula is singular. Nebulae is plural.

This message brought to you by the Internet Grammar Nazi Karma Foundation.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Financial Domination rationale - 6/4/2014 7:30:05 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hilypo

Every time I see a "findom", I just can't help but think, "Oh, another faker got in..." They're everywhere, and all they care about is money. How is that interesting? Could I become one and just have people wire me money every month by doing nothing but showing fake pictures?



At one time in the past ... this was prevalent, males posting fake pics acting like a Fin Domme ... there was a thread or two back in 2010 ... go thru the archives, you might see a few.

That said ... LOL ... the words "Fin Domme" remind me of Mark Cuban's recent comments on prejudice ...


When I see the words Fin Domme, or sense that is the desire ... I cross the street and walk on the other sidewalk; right next to the black kid in a hoodie and the white skin head guy that is all tattoo'ed.

To my point of view, I will choose a whore to a fin domme ... At least a whore provides honest participation! ROFL





< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 6/4/2014 7:41:01 PM >

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to hilypo)
Profile   Post #: 40
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