Should I collar him IRL?

Should I collar him IRL? (Full Version)

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LadyGolighty -> Should I collar him IRL? (6/3/2014 1:04:35 PM)
Hoping the Dommes with more experience in d/s can answer this one (or maybe subs reading it). Haven't given too much detail on an open forum, but would welcome a PM chat with anyone that needs more detail to give a more thought out response (sorry if that doesn't make sense). Have asked a few of my vanilla friends for advice but they don't really get the dynamic. Summary - relatively new to the scene, but always been interested in the dynamic and definitely the psychology and the kink. Through random circumstances totally outside of the scene met someone (IRL) but we both picked up on the vibes and chemistry and through more random circumstance started chatting and very quickly entered into what could be described as an online d/s - very intense, hold nothing back. He has been owned before, but currently is in a much more vanilla situation but wasn't looking to leave it. Now he seems conflicted especially after rediscovering his sub side. We keep calling it off because I care about him deeply, and it is returned, but I almost get the impression he is waiting for me to take more control and just 'stake my claim' and turn it into a real d/s, but not as a side relationship. I don't know if I am being a less strong Domme by not taking control? If I knew it was definitely what he wanted, I wouldn't hesitate and would definitely know how to control him. It's just whether to start it. I have taken time out to go on CM and chat/meet with other subs, but no-one has been anywhere near as compatible. He has set the bar very high!! Thoughts?

DarkSteven -> RE: Should I collar him IRL? (6/3/2014 1:15:19 PM)
Don't go there. Either: 1. He's misrepresenting how conflicted he is, or 2. He's thinking of leaving his relationship because of you. Either way, you'll be the "other woman" if you make any steps. Look, you cyberplayed with him while he was in a relationship. You've caused enough issues as is. Bow out gracefully, and see if you can remain friends. Edited to add: plus, NEVER collar someone until you've had some time in which he isn't in a relationship with someone else!

RockaRolla -> RE: Should I collar him IRL? (6/3/2014 1:20:51 PM)
The fact that he's conflicted and you keep calling it off are serious red flags. Don't expect it to change post-collar.

LadyGolighty -> RE: Should I collar him IRL? (6/3/2014 1:37:43 PM)
Thank you for your replies - in general that was pretty much my thinking, I just didn't know if I was 'missing' something I was supposed to do. And by collaring, I think I meant more the under consideration type.

FieryOpal -> RE: Should I collar him IRL? (6/3/2014 2:11:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyGolighty I don't know if I am being a less strong Domme by not taking control? You may think you have serious intentions, but you're toying with this man. Unless he is consensually poly or in a (verifiably) open relationship, regardless of your own stance, you had no business getting involved with an attached man. Period. I singled out this sentence because it tells me that you are not ready to collar anybody. Being a Dominant is not about imposing your will upon another, manipulating and/or coercing, or playing with someone else's vulnerabilities to bend them to your will. If you ever want a loyal and devoted submissive, who won't do the exact same thing that this guy is doing to another woman with his disloyalty, then stop playing with fire.

MzArianaPA -> RE: Should I collar him IRL? (6/3/2014 2:16:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyGolighty Thank you for your replies - in general that was pretty much my thinking, I just didn't know if I was 'missing' something I was supposed to do. And by collaring, I think I meant more the under consideration type. Why would you consider someone who isn't available to be considered?

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Should I collar him IRL? (6/3/2014 2:38:51 PM)
You are a leader. You are drawn to this man and he's drawn to you, I get that. But...which direction are you going to lead him in? The one that says it's okay with you if he is with one person and is cheating on her? This world is full of people who are sneaking around, having a second or third relationships going on behind the back of their spouse or significant other. Don't be the one who can't spend time with him (in person) on birthdays and Christmas, who can't be introduced to his family and friends. You deserve more than that. Find someone to collar who is single, or someone you can be in an aboveboard poly relationship with. **** Edited to add this. My aunt took a husband away from another woman. She justified this by saying that if (my prior aunt) couldn't keep her husband then she didn't deserve to have him. Well, just like with the previous wife, when she had his baby and it was 4 or 5 years old...he started cheating on her too and ended up leaving her and married yet again. She thought he would never do this to her. In a relationship, whether in marriage or otherwise, people can be unhappy during rough patches. They either learn to work their way through the bad times, leave their mate and find someone more compatible next time, or else they tell themselves it's okay to cheat. What type of behavior do you want to encourage... I can see by your post what he's already doing.

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