FieryOpal
Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
I would be worried if a newbie wasn't a little nervous. 
As for subspacing...you may or you may not. Subspace feels blissful and floaty. Time seems to move differently; two hours may seem like only ten minutes. I've noticed a blissful, glassy eyed look, slow to respond to my voice, words slurring a little. There have been times where I couldn't trust them not to accidentally run into furniture corners, etc.
When you say 'beating', what do you mean? OTK spanking, spanking with a hair brush, a paddle, floggers? Is she an erotic sadist or is she into catharsis or primal type play? Is there going to be a long slow warmup beforehand or is she going to begin it rough...
Tips for dealing with first time jitters? Be open and honest with her and trust her to take it the right way. Talk about verbal and nonverbal signals to give her so that she will know how you're doing. This is supposed to be fun, too. Most of us want submissives or bottoms to dream/crave the next scene...not wishing they had stopped a lot sooner.
You can stop to talk at any time...and let her know if the intensity is too much for you. (This is okay.) I hope you have a lot of fun and come back here with a big silly grin on your face.
Take particular note of the highlighted parts.
quote:
ORIGINAL: CougarRick
Also. How will I know when I've entered sub-space? Does that usually happen the first beating?
It may happen, but look at it as a woman trying to reach orgasm. If either she or her partner tries too hard, it will elude her. It has to come naturally, and for many of us with a new partner, this will take trust, letting loose and letting go. Your natural nervousness/jitteriness may collide with this process. I have never had this happen the first time, because that isn't my objective with a new partner. I am going to be focusing more on the mental-emotional dimension than producing physical sensations per se.
Have you ever tried to meditate but couldn't quiet your mind? You have to get yourself into a sublime state in order to effectively enter this altered state. Also, if you have ever experienced other forms of mind expansion *ahem*, it isn't going to feel like that. It's a different kind of high. Don't expect to reach subspace as a destination or this will detract from your enjoying the journey. Focus on your partner, give her feedback when she asks. If you start to feel panicky, communicate this immediately.
If your Domme is erotically inclined (sensual), she might prefer for you to be more interactive with her and not want you to check out, at least not too soon. I don't do beatings (not into sado-masochism), and my OTK spankings are for incorporating anal play. I do other things to get my sub into subspace.
Make sure she does a warm-up with any kind of impact play. This may or may not be relevant for you, but inexperience in any area can be potentially dangerous or unpleasant. I have a friend whose Mistress of 1-2 years, whom he implicitly trusted, decided one day to take him with a strap-on. No prep, nothing. She ended up splitting his ass open, and although she felt badly about it afterwards, the "damage" was done. He was not able to associate anything erotic with that region again. This was not an inexperienced Domme, just inexperienced in doing that sort of play.
An important step not to skip. Hopefully you've already discussed limits in depth. Establish safewords if not in place yet. Once you've been together for any length of time, you'll be able to read one another's non-verbal cues.
< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 6/4/2014 1:28:13 AM >
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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
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