vanilla in the kink world

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LunaBlu3 -> vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 7:40:13 AM)
Is spanking seen as vanilla in the kink world? I'm new to the lifestyle although I have carried interests and fantasies for many years. Simply being spanked to amend behaviour Is a top kink of mine. I enjoy punishment, discipline, role play with authority figure characters, however it seems to be quite overlooked in what I've seen so far. I'm open to a lot but I would never want to go in with the heavy stuff! Whats wrong with some good old otk?

DarkSteven -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 7:55:58 AM)
You bring up a good point. A lot of heavier players do look down on spanking as being "kink light". A lot of spankos look on the heavier play as done by hardcore types just short of insane. Think of it as the natural human nature to fuss about stuff and cause unnecessary rifts.

Lynnxz -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 8:32:44 AM)
People will bitch about anything. Just do what makes you happy.

MaggiesFarm -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 8:49:43 AM)
Why concern yourself with what other people consider vanilla? It's not a competition you know -- just do what you enjoy and let the Kinkier-than-thou folks look down their noses at you if they want -- that's their thing.

LunaBlu3 -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 9:09:45 AM)
I'm not concerning myself, or competing. It's something I have noticed that surprises me a little, and I'm just curious as to what others think.

Gauge -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 9:47:38 AM)
Kinky to some is leaving the lights on during sex. Spanking is no different, some people might think it is "kink-lite" and others may not. I think that when you say bondage to a vanilla person it brings to mind images of being tied up and spanked etc. and they have no idea really what it is all about. I don't believe that spanking is overlooked, I just think that it is not discussed more prevalently because it is more or less a given practice. If spanking is your thing, then go for it. Remember, what may be "heavy-bondage" for someone might be too tame for someone else... the best advice is to find what parts of BDSM suit you and then do them. There is no "one-true-way" or a code book detailing what one should do and not do, and anyone that tells you otherwise is deluded.

mnottertail -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 11:20:17 AM)
Regards your OP, OP. Do you see a great deal of people checking cocksucker on their profile? Do you have any waffle about whether or not a submissive will be attached by mouth to dominant genitalia pretty much a great deal of time? It is de rigueur. n'est ce pas? innit?

shiftyw -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 2:36:18 PM)
I heart spanking. I do think some see it as "lite" but I think we all know a spanking can be really intense depending who/how its done. Get on with your bad self and do whatever the hell you want. (P.S. I think you're wicked cute, and great profile)

SeekingTrinity -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 2:38:02 PM)
~FRing it~ I've not really seen any sort of classification hierarchy when it comes to anything kink. Far be it from me to judge what two people do in their dynamic as too anything.

catize -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 4:08:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Regards your OP, OP. Do you see a great deal of people checking cocksucker on their profile? Do you have any waffle about whether or not a submissive will be attached by mouth to dominant genitalia pretty much a great deal of time? It is de rigueur. n'est ce pas? innit? Still looking for someone to kiss it and make it all better, Ron?[:D]

Calibant -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 7:01:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LunaBlu3 Is spanking seen as vanilla in the kink world? I'm new to the lifestyle although I have carried interests and fantasies for many years. Simply being spanked to amend behaviour Is a top kink of mine. I enjoy punishment, discipline, role play with authority figure characters, however it seems to be quite overlooked in what I've seen so far. I'm open to a lot but I would never want to go in with the heavy stuff! Whats wrong with some good old otk? To each their own. I am with you in this respect. I don't mind light spanking. But personally to me the heavy stuff is unnecessary. It's just something I don't enjoy. And to each their own. Find someone that likes what you like. Someone who will be happy only lightly spanking your or being lightly spanked by you. Enjoy have fun and continue to do your thing!

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/13/2014 9:58:45 PM)
Spanking is part of our daily ritual. When He puts me over his knee, or across the bed, there ain't nothing "lite" about it. I don't think there is any question as to whether I'm a "real" participant in this lifestyle, and my two cents is that spanking is DEFINITELY part of the BDSM lifestyle.

FieryOpal -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/14/2014 7:20:02 AM)
Luna, you bring up an interesting issue. OTK spanking is ordinarily a component of an FLR-Female Led Relationship as part of Domestic Discipline. I've heard of totally straight-up vanilla marriages where either spouse employs spanking in this manner (not as consensual funishment). Sometimes this is a family tradition, or it's an insider joke that when Aunt Mabel gives tipsy Uncle Fred a dirty/stern look, with or without a verbal warning, and then takes him upstairs for 15-20 minutes, that this means Uncle Fred got an ass-whooping. Uncle Fred then comes back downstairs, following behind Aunt Mabel, with his head hung low, face red with a sheepish expression after having been duly chastised. I am using the term FLR in a broad sense, where couples may interact in a more egalitarian fashion, but where final authority rests with the wife or the husband customarily defers to the wife. I had such a marriage. There was a one-year stretch in the early portion and then a 5 to 6-year period where we explored BDSM towards the end of a total of nearly 20 years. Mainly B&D without the S&M. Truthfully, mainly D with a whole lot of light kinky sex stuff going on. We saw ourselves as a vanilla couple, not as D/s-M/s so much until that latter period, and separate from diehard BDSMers. So you raise an intriguing point. You can have sexualized spanking without being a full-blown kinkster and/or sado-masochist, IMO, falling under what I tend to view as vanilla kinky or just plain erotically-oriented bedroom practices. [Edited for typo]

FightingChains -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/14/2014 8:15:21 AM)
Everyone views this stuff differently. I get beaten with fists, flogged and electrocuted and I don't enjoy the pain, but if you spank me, I will leave you. It's more than just a hard limit - it's a relationship breaker. I find it demeaning and offensive. Even someone hitting my ass with a tool like a flogger was off limits until rather recently, and it still is not allowed as a focus. If he's whipping my back and legs and just wants to change it up, he's not limited, but don't focus there. In my mind it's associated with 'naughty boy' demeaning role play, and that context is a really good way to make me never want to play again. I get off on being strong enough to handle hell and endure being controlled, not playing the role of a psychological adult-child, so I won't handle it personally. But this is just me. I concur with DarkSteven. Spankers would probably find what I do insane, some extremers would see it as "kink-lite" and a few others like me just find the notion demeaning. That's not to say I judge people for their kinks. Everyone has their own interests and that's awesome.

ante -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/15/2014 4:42:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FightingChains Everyone views this stuff differently. "but if you spank me, I will leave you." The first time I've heard anyone else say that. I thought it was just me! My first intro to D/s and BDSM was in a chat room where every submissive were supposed to swoon at the mere mention of a spanking. It was even said that if you weren't into spanking you weren't considered a sub at all. My mistake obviously! I don't see spanking as light, but that's just my personal opinion. I'm not a fan of pain. I don't rate spanking as vanilla, however know that vanilla couples may occasionally use spanking without it being considered all that kinky. Who needs definitions though? As others have said, do what feel right/good for you!

eliseobeys -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/15/2014 8:17:52 AM)
I think it is like a sliding scale depending on your prospective. For instance, Ive been spanked a lot, sometimes by otherwise totally vanilla partners. I consider it kink for me and for them too idk never asked at the time though I always wanted more then just a few smacks on my tushie lol if they wernt into bdsm per say or willing to go further then spanking alone etc, IE if they were basically vanilla and really didnt get into it...the relationship eventually would flounder.

GreyMoggie -> RE: vanilla in the kink world (6/19/2014 9:55:16 AM)
quote: Is spanking seen as vanilla in the kink world? ... Simply being spanked to amend behaviour Is a top kink of mine. I enjoy punishment, discipline, role play with authority figure characters, however it seems to be quite overlooked in what I've seen so far. I'm open to a lot but I would never want to go in with the heavy stuff! Whats wrong with some good old otk? I don't think it's seen as vanilla to kinksters because spanking is so versatile, and can range from vanilla-kink (maybe more sensual, spicy but safe, painless sensation play) to sadistic blood play (e.g. get him to wear vampire gloves :P ). So it can be humiliating, used as a sign of dominance, foreplay, a punishment, a method for giving pain, and generally be adapted to suit all flavours. I was thinking it might also be seen as something that people are so familiar with that it almost becomes part of the wallpaper, as it were, so it's discussed less. There are definitely whole groups devoted to otk lovers in fetlife though. I know the question was rhetorical, but though I love being spanked during sex and in an S&M scene, I won't accept otk. I'm not amused by domineering behaviour and don't do power exchange - if someone put me over their knee, especially for behaviour correction/punishment and I'd be so angry and insulted I'd red to stop play and that's the last they'd play with me. (I prefer to play with sadists and switches to doms for this reason) So for me, everything is wrong with it. But that's irrelevant really - I'm only mentioning it for completeness. You like otk, and that's the only thing that matters to you and yours.

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