|
CloakedProtector -> RE: Previous Damage! (7/8/2014 6:30:12 AM)
|
MojoDadyMarine, yes I have 3 such experiences. I read the replies to your initial post and I tend not always to agree.
I'll start with the easy one. A BDSM couple I know had an accident in play with a male. During suspension a hook came out of the roof and the male who had thin ropes attached to a number of testicle ring piercings had all 4 rings pulled through his skin.
The man didn't want a doctor or the hospital (he was married and his sessions were non-disclosed so to say). He was a regular play partner and this was an accident and therefore isn't comparable to situation you described.
The man kept coming and was able to get over it himself, age may have been a factor. Hiding the damage at home will have been the hardest part.
The other case is one of abuse of the negotiation. I young sub visited a certain Dominant for the first time (she was not new to BDSM). the negotiation was around suspension but all forms of piercing, knife-play, fire, etc had been excluded.
Yet, when suspended and helpless the man pierces one of her nipples with a ring, attaches a long thin rope to it (probably with the intend to attach the other end somewhere) and then falls over something ripping the ring and splitting the nipple.
I his panic he apparently left her suspended, pulled the session over time so she couldn't pick-up her kid at school and finally send her away blaming her. Now physically it was taken care of and of course you can, and probably always will, be able to see the traces (a permanent reminder).
However mentally we are dealing with a case of non-solicited abuse. Also her great reluctance for help, certainly from therapist. "Therapis"t is the LAST WORD they need to hear. The word "therapist" implicitely means to them: You are the problem, you need therapy, not the other guy.
However it may have been a way to go but you can't force people and as a single mom there was no one in her life that could exercise some pressure to make her go to one. That makes it particular difficult as one of the therapists tasks will be to make them see that they are/were NOT the problem. She stopped BDSM all together and found that in that way every potential future risk was thereby gone. She never saw a therapist (as far as I know).
The third case is more severe because it is comparable with the one you describe. A young woman is the partner of a motor gang guy. He is sadist, she is masochist. All goes well for more then a year until during a session, for no apparent reason, he looses control and beats her so hard that she ends up several weeks in coma in the hospital. She never saw the guy again and all paths to him closed. However, the physical thing wasn't the problem she said because at a certain point you pass out and the awakening pains out of coma are nothing compared to those in sessions.
It was the psychological side, and most of all the fact that he left her. She explicitly said she would have no doubt forgiving him because she was aware of the risks in that kind of game. It didn't even keep her from further BDSM activities but, strangely, she became Domme!
She practices ball-kicking, male humiliation and denigration, extreme piercing and knife-play, etc and her sub side in the pain area was reduced to whipping, caning, etc but no more torture-grade stuff. That is how I met her and she asked for whiping because she knew that I am not in torture etc I am Dominant not a sadist and that gave her a safe feeling.
What is needed here however, and I think it is the same in the case you are presenting, is closure. The events you described have created a "Gestalt" and that must come to completion. As long as it doesn't it will surface with less or more severe consequences.
The best chances for resolution of a (and since she was abused before) multiple "Gestalts" are to resolve them quickly. If they fade-away it is difficult to find and identify them, make them surface and resolve them. It is not because they are no longer at the surface that they are gone. Fritz Perl (and his wife) clearly demonstrated that in the surroundings of their "Gestalth" theory. So time is your enemy here.
She had some brain washing (Feelings are a weakness) but she also seems to have an extended level of awareness of the situation in that she expresses the need to own her abuse.
That is an IMPORTANT statement because she has qualified the facts as "abuse". With "owning it" she differentiates between abuse that she likes (how strange that may sound to you) and which is the abuse that she solicits/solicited (like a masochist solicits pain) and the abuse that she didn't solicit (like others you described). She actually says: I can handle all the abuse physically, even the abuse I didn't solicit, but I can not handle the unsolicited abuse mentally.
So here there will be some need to settle the score, actually she wants to own that abuse in retrospect and the psyche will restore, that "Gestalt" will have come to a resolution. Possibly because she is in a situation where other abuse that happened to her is out of her reach for restoration.
Now, the second number of events (her needs for violent sex) may have been triggered by her past abuse and I would not be surprised if BOTH "Gestalts" will solve together. Thing is to find out what event is needed to accomplish that.
Can she have a BDSM relationship? From what you write, yes. She clearly is aware of the difference between solicited and unsolicited and she has a head-rule for solicited, which is the abuse she gets in BDSM.
If you fall from your horse it is best to immediately climb back on it if you can otherwise you may have trouble even riding again. I think this applies to the BDSM part.
Nature will protect her from practising BDSM is that would be not good for her. It is just the SHE must ask for it, nobody should force her into it, also not emotionally guide her into it. It MUST come from her.
|
|
|
|
