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age vs. experience - 7/10/2006 11:38:37 AM   
majeldrakov


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		why is it that when someone looks at your age that they automatically assume that you have no brain, no experience and no concept of life and its intricate  meanings and subtlties. am i the only one that has this issue or is it a trend of ingnorance and disbelief
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/10/2006 12:16:14 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		If you're talking about real life, then obviously it's true. With age comes experience, everyone knows that.

If you're talking about BDSM experience, then i agree with you. I know people who didn't get into the lifestyle until mid life, so no, age does not constitue experience.

But you also have the people who say "oh i've been in the lifestyle for 10,20,30 years..."  That doesn't mean they have experience. It just means that's how long it's been since they've found their 'calling'.



(in reply to majeldrakov)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/10/2006 1:20:32 PM   
kaiaroo


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I have certainly noticed this trend...
It's certainly not always the case, but when it happens it often does seem to be based on little more than age.
Im only 23, so I am definitely young enough to get this sort of thing from people, on and off.
The thing is, I've been involved with an older dominant, who let me play with others (following a lot of rules and restrictions). That led to my coming to terms with being not just naturally submissive in D/s, but also that I am much more of a sadist and top around just about anyone outside of that central relationship...

Sure, I still have a whole lot to learn in both areas; my last relationship was clearly a *learning* experience... but, to consider me to be just completely inexperienced with BDSM, based entirely on my age, is just absurd. I was kinky even pre-transition during HS... Ive been through a major lifestyle D/s relationship that lasted over a year (before we decided to drop the kink and focus on keeping a friendship together).... Ive played with various people with varied exp. and backgrounds, often as a switch.
I am not new to this...
I dont act like I am an expert in any sense; In fact, I make it quite clear in my profile that most serious D/s dom/mes that are interested should know that I dont have more than a year or so of actual "Lifestyle" experience, and that they are most likely going to need to devote some time to "breaking me in."

The fact is: Some people pick things up faster than others. Some people get started learning at an earlier age than others do. Age is not equal to experience.

To take such assumptions to the level of questioning an individual's maturity level, life experiences, or anything such as how well-read, socially aware, or intellectual; just based on age. Well, I think that is pretty ignorant!
Some of these 30-50 y/o men that seem to be on a mission to get my attention (like 3-4 new such indivduals per day, since I re-opened my profile earlier this week), can barely write a complete sentence, never mind write a bio that makes any sense. Yet, strangely, lots of them do manage to tick off most of the interests and tag themselves as "expert."  
:sigh:

People also assume that, since I have 'Trans' ticked off, I am a crossdresser or transvestite... far from it!
In reality, I have been on hormone therapy for well over 2 years and "pass" quite well in public, with no effort.  I dont wear makeup or dress even the slightest bit femme, at least not on my own time. Honestly, I really wish there was something to differentiate the crossdressers and TVs from people like myself, but I dont think its fair to others to check off "female" when there is a "trans" option...
c'est la vie...



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(in reply to majeldrakov)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/10/2006 2:02:46 PM   
majeldrakov


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		well thank you im glad that im not the only one that feels this way and sees the ingnorance for what it is . as far as i was tuaght the first thing in the lifestyle of a D/s relationship is to be open minded and except people for who they asre based on their own unique qualities and ideas. Isnt that what makes humanity what it is variety and differance, so to achieve that one must be willing to accept that

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RE: age vs. experience - 7/10/2006 4:35:54 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		because they have no brain, no experience and no concept of life and its intricate meanings and subtleties.  no you are not the only one. 

(in reply to majeldrakov)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 6:48:22 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Everyone under the age of 25 goes through the same feeling.  We have groups out here who discriminate against those under 25 by not allowing them membership.  I know there are many more across the country who do the same.
I started my group allowing anyone of legal age in my state to join.  Therefore I have a lot of younger people coming.  I can tell you from experience absolutely everyone has the same issues.
I believe the older a person is in general the more set they are in their ways.  The more ignorant they are to the kids growing up today.
A 60 year old did not have a computer growing up.  It wasn't so easy for them to find out anything about the lifestyle.  Today an 8 year old can learn if unsupervised on the computer like most are.
As far as experience I've seen 70 year olds just finding themselves.  I've also seen 16 year olds.

(in reply to majeldrakov)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 6:53:20 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Cute Signature: "The dumbest people I know are those who know it all."
Malcolm Forbes


Made me think of "Those of you who think you know everything are irritating those of us who do"

Lotus

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 7:00:46 PM   
shyfem


Posts: 101
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		Good Evening,
 
I agree with littleone, with age comes experience when we are talking about vanilla (or regular every day life). However, when talking about BDSM experience, age has little to do with it.
 
I am 38, I could say that I have been in the lifestyle for 5-10-15 years and most would not even flinch, untill they read some of my stupid questions/replies in the forums . However, truth of the matter, I only discovered D/s in late 2005, so I have less than 1 year of experience.
 
~shy
--------------------------------------------
May all who tread here find what they seek!

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 7:17:43 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		I can actually help you. You may have all the experience and concepts of life that come my way ... as I fully intend to milk this inexperienced and clueless thing as long as possible.

(in reply to majeldrakov)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 7:46:26 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am talking to a Dom now that is younger than I am, but he seems to have his crap together more than a lot of the more "mature" *cough, gag* Doms out there.  I think it has always been the way it is, the older you are, the more you are supposed to know about everything and anyone younger better damn well listen. 
 
Everything should come into play... someones years on earth..doesn't alway equal their knowledge of the way things work on it.
 
So, Yes...I have noticed this a lot.
 
~Andrea

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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 8:07:30 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I have learned that age doesnt always indicate more experience, and experience doesnt always make for a better pet. I prefer novices, who dont have a lot of things that they have been taught that their former owners and keepers have liked that I dont care for.  The more exprienced a boy is, the more he seems to think he will know what I want before I say it... and the more those assumptions annoy me usually.
Sometimes, lack of expeirence, no matter what age, is a nice thing.

DV

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 8:50:43 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Between school, parental raising, and so on, most of us are led with the concept to "Respect your elders"

With that being said, it's more natural to submit to those older than you and feel dominant over those that are yonger as you expect them to respect you.

Though there are many of us who have been able to rid ourselves such a number complex, it may still linger in the sub concious of most and be an advisery to conquer from time to time. 

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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 9:12:18 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: majeldrakov

why is it that when someone looks at your age that they automatically assume that you have no brain, no experience and no concept of life and its intricate  meanings and subtlties. am i the only one that has this issue or is it a trend of ingnorance and disbelief


Shut up, stupid.  See?  I didn't have to look at your age to say that. 

(Disclaimer:  The above is intended as humor.  I don't mean it.  I reserve serious comments like that for people who have failed the "Michelle Friendship Aptitude Test".  Someone once failed by putting their pet goldfish in a boiling pot of water thinking they were giving it a "hot tub".  Too weird to be fake, people.)

On a more serious note, though, I get that a lot.  Just let it roll off your back.  I've noticed a trend:  Anyone who would make such an ignorant assumption before getting to know a person probably isn't worth taking the time to associate with or get upset about.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to majeldrakov)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 10:13:09 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		OP,  I read your profile and to me the comment you made of  "very secure in my role"  is as important if not moreso than experience.  15 years experience but not being secure in one's life or role does not make that experience worth anything.ery secure in my role

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 10:31:10 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		acttualy Im only 22 and I havent really had this problem maybe cuz im a female sub and a lot of Doms like a newbie so they can shape them

< Message edited by enigmabrat -- 7/11/2006 10:32:38 PM >

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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 11:33:25 PM   
SubMizu


Posts: 18
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		I have a problem with being shunned due to my age as well. I discovered my calling at an extremely young age but chose not to act upon it with others until I was eighteen due to legality issues.

I don't mind getting all the messages from other uses because that is why I have a profile on CM, but I do wish that they would even make an attempt at correct spelling and grammar.

~Sub Mizu

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RE: age vs. experience - 7/11/2006 11:42:08 PM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		At the ripe old age of 51 I have met my share of young Dominants. Many of them act as if they know what they are doing and think they know how to do everything and that is why I sometimes look at a younger person and wonder about them. I also have met some that at the tender age of 20 or 22 have spent several years learning about this life and taking it all in very well. I also have met many Dominants in thier late 30s to 40s  who claim they know all about BDSM but they soon show that they don't have a clue.  I try very hard to look at someone and see them for what I can see they know rather than worrying about their age. 

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Wild

My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

(in reply to majeldrakov)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/12/2006 3:13:24 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I think i'm ignored more than anything else because of my age.  That's why i don't post in the general forums all that often any more because i feel as if my opinions aren't getting the attention i feel they deserve.

I'm 20 years old. I found my 'calling' 4 years ago. But until last year, i didn't act upon it. Ive been in a committed M/s relationship now for 6 months, so no, i don't have a lot of experience, so i can understand why my opinions would be ignored.

But what really pisses me off is when someone with more 'experience' says the same thing i said, but that gets recognition.

(in reply to wild1cfl)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/12/2006 3:21:33 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		sorry littleone, but you don't get ignored because of your age.  I know this is going to sound harsh and I don't mean it that way, but what do you expect?  People would read your words and everyone would comment on them?  Not likely.  If you read the threads (the entire thread), you'll see that most people's words are not commented upon.  Sure, there are some, Celeste, Lucky, a few others, but mostly people just post whatever they want and that's that.

When you start writing exactly what the OP wants to hear, then you'll see the comments.  If you post something the OP doesn't want to hear (or something along the same lines as what everyone else posted), then you are just one of many. 

< Message edited by bandit25 -- 7/12/2006 3:22:18 AM >

(in reply to litleone8620)
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RE: age vs. experience - 7/12/2006 3:33:04 AM   
mymasterssub69


Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		according to my fiance (who is 15yrs younger than me) "age is only number".  i had a problem with his age because he was 20 when we met and i immediately thought he would be too immature to date an older woman like me. i was proven wrong - i wasn't his first older woman and he's more mature than most 20somethings i know.




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there is something infinitely magical
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