Sub-sumed desires (Full Version)

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missbrownjinx -> Sub-sumed desires (6/21/2014 1:33:42 AM)

I notice I am being contacted by a lot of men whose profile identifies them as 'dominant'.

So a man, say with a username like HarshDom, will contact me and says he really craves submission. What a strange and novel phenomenon.

Actually not that novel, I have had partners before who thought they were dominant before they met me. And I have had subs who were 'broken in' by a domme even though they had not the slightest drive themselves before to become a submissive.

I find it an interesting piece of human psychology. And of course, I enjoy and welcome so-called doms begging to be my toys. It adds a more piquant flavour to the thing, I think.

Yours,

Mistress Jinx

[image]local://upfiles/1879012/007FA5B0A354485DB6517E0BFD51E18F.jpg[/image]



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/21/2014 1:40:11 AM)

Do you actually have a question for us or are these just random personal musings of yours??

After all, this is the "Ask a Submissive/Slave" forum.



Arturas -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/21/2014 1:47:33 AM)

quote:

I notice I am being contacted by a lot of men whose profile identifies them as 'dominant'.


I notice that over the past five or so years a lot of women whose profile identifies them as 'dominant' use a picture that identifies them otherwise. Yours at first blush also does that unless the man looks closely and they won't.



FieryOpal -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/21/2014 2:27:03 AM)

The Dominant men who are contacting you are just hankering to get Topped and look upon all women as their personal fetish & kink delivery system. (No different than most male "subs," actually). I would be cautious about hooking up with one, however, because men in general will tell you anything they think a woman wants to hear to get what they want from her. You might be lured by the prospect of a challenge, but IMO, it's not worth taking the risk, and you may be the one who is being targeted as a potential playtoy to be used, broken and discarded.



thishereboi -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/21/2014 8:35:41 AM)

You assume they want to be your toy, my guess is most of them just want to hit that ass.



shiftyw -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/21/2014 10:54:49 AM)

Your leading with an incredibly sexual picture. They wanna see you naked. Its up to you with what you want to do with that.



missbrownjinx -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 8:29:17 AM)

Edit: quote



missbrownjinx -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 9:06:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

The Dominant men who are contacting you are just hankering to get Topped and look upon all women as their personal fetish & kink delivery system. (No different than most male "subs," actually). I would be cautious about hooking up with one, however, because men in general will tell you anything they think a woman wants to hear to get what they want from her. You might be lured by the prospect of a challenge, but IMO, it's not worth taking the risk, and you may be the one who is being targeted as a potential playtoy to be used, broken and discarded.



This sounds about right. It was the first thing that crossed my mind when I first began receiving these requests.



Moderator3 -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 10:36:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

I notice I am being contacted by a lot of men whose profile identifies them as 'dominant'.


I notice that over the past five or so years a lot of women whose profile identifies them as 'dominant' use a picture that identifies them otherwise. Yours at first blush also does that unless the man looks closely and they won't.


I bet my peaceful little candle doesn't indicate much about me other than I want peace, unless I'm an arsonist of course.

Then again, I do have to wonder if anyone is looking closely. A picture doesn't always mean a thousand words and I doubt we should assume by a picture, the totality of a person. To be fair and not disrespect the kinks of others, anyway.



FriendlyMuppet -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 11:24:23 AM)

As others have said, I believe your profile picture is probably leading to a lot of those types of responses you're receiving. As a submissive myself, if I saw your picture on a profile, I probably wouldn't have contacted you at all because it seems way more sexual than what I would expect from a woman to whom I would want to be submissive. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what you have for your profile pic, but like I said, it's going to lead to a very specific kind of response from guys who are generally after one sort of thing.



Gauge -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 11:54:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: missbrownjinx

I notice I am being contacted by a lot of men whose profile identifies them as 'dominant'.

So a man, say with a username like HarshDom, will contact me and says he really craves submission. What a strange and novel phenomenon.

Actually not that novel, I have had partners before who thought they were dominant before they met me. And I have had subs who were 'broken in' by a domme even though they had not the slightest drive themselves before to become a submissive.

I find it an interesting piece of human psychology. And of course, I enjoy and welcome so-called doms begging to be my toys. It adds a more piquant flavour to the thing, I think.

Yours,

Mistress Jinx



What is an "interesting piece of human psycology" to be precise? The fact that all of the people here who claim to be dominant aren't always dominant? I will have to minimize my shock regarding this little factoid.

A little secret for you, that lady from Nigeria, you know, the one who lost her family to an unfortunate Silly String accident and a mongoose ate her passport and she now needs money to get home to the United States? She is either a) Terribly unlucky or b) Not who she claims to be.

I will let this up to your judgment.



FightingChains -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 4:55:04 PM)

In a culture where "switching" is looked down upon, it shouldn't be surprising this type of thing happens.

We've created a set of roles and stereotypes, and people are vilified if they don't fit into them, in every way, all of the time.

These men are either switches, or sub's who are ashamed of that. I'd tend to suspect the first case.



DarkSteven -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 5:19:16 PM)

My basic assumption is that these men see a bunch of porn. Their first thought is that if they self-identify as a Dom, then nubile sub women will jump into their lap, usually head first.

When that doesn't work, they contact Dommes, claiming to be subs inside. Really.

To me, being a Dom or Domme indicates a desire for control. Being willing to flip that readily indicates someone who is fetish-driven instead of control-driven.



FightingChains -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 5:49:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
To me, being a Dom or Domme indicates a desire for control. Being willing to flip that readily indicates someone who is fetish-driven instead of control-driven.


And yet almost all my interests are in power and control, and yet I'll flip within the space of a second. Give me fetishes and kink without the power and control and I'll walk away throwing up.

But hey, I live for contention anyway. I suppose that's why I'm into other men. A competitor: "Who's got authority?" - "Who's the man?" - "Who's more powerful?". And I don't like obedience because it takes away that contention. I suppose "fight for dominance" is my kink. So I'm just one weird fucker.

Probably best to just ignore me.



Gauge -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 6:14:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

In a culture where "switching" is looked down upon, it shouldn't be surprising this type of thing happens.

We've created a set of roles and stereotypes, and people are vilified if they don't fit into them, in every way, all of the time.

These men are either switches, or sub's who are ashamed of that. I'd tend to suspect the first case.


I doubt that they are (forgive my use of the word) "true" switches.

The perception, I believe, is that being kinky equates to being easy and these men think they will get laid and they will take it however they can get it. I am a dominant, it is what I am, I am not a top, switch or other. I am terribly claustrophobic and I get anxiety if I get tangled in my sheets when I sleep, being bound would drive me over the edge into full blown panic. I like the power and control too much, letting go of it is not something that remotely intrigues me. These guys don't know what they are, switch, top, dom or otherwise, they just want to get their rocks off. They really have little idea about what the concept is behind BDSM. There is the porn factor involved as well, which does not really represent what kink is or can be.

quote:

So I'm just one weird fucker.

Probably best to just ignore me.


We are all here (well most of us anyway) because we do not fit into any other container. Welcome to the club, we have ample parking.



FightingChains -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/25/2014 7:53:59 PM)

Yeah perhaps "experimental", "kinky" or "just plain horny and want to get it however it comes" are more appropriate lol



missbrownjinx -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/26/2014 2:29:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

In a culture where "switching" is looked down upon, it shouldn't be surprising this type of thing happens.

We've created a set of roles and stereotypes, and people are vilified if they don't fit into them, in every way, all of the time.

These men are either switches, or sub's who are ashamed of that. I'd tend to suspect the first case.


Afterthought: I wonder if I should have posted this in the 'Ask a Switch' forum.........

The idea of being a sub who is ashamed of it - that is almost a direct quote from one who I just had a session with. He literally said 'dominant' was what society decreed he must be, so he wore that mask for some time.

From the views expressed here I would venture to say there are two types: those who are fetish-driven, just looking to get their rocks off, and those who are genuinely conflicted about their role and come to me looking for answers.

Mod3, to jump to the conclusions that most ignorant posters have - if I was to look at your photo I would venture to say you are in fact an overly sexual candle-fetishist who can only get their rocks off by listening to Elton John while having wax dripped on you. And your photo offends me since I am a strict believer that marriage should be between man and woman, not man and candle. Change the pic please. [sm=shame.gif]



Moderator3 -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/26/2014 2:31:15 PM)

ROFLMAO!



RemoteUser -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/26/2014 6:27:11 PM)

I think you summed it up with the word 'novel'.

The stereotype of the driven businessman who wants to be flogged exists for a reason.

It's hardly a catch-all profundity, though. Some days work drives me crazy, and I want to throw up my arms and say, ok, whatever, we'll do it your (completely utterly unfathomably dead-wrong) way. I had such an encounter today. I was ready to tell every executive throwing his two cents in the pot about company policy to just do whatever they wanted. The funny thing is, when I did address them, I was told I come off like a tiger. With a sword. What this taught me was that even when I try to be complacent, there are times when my natural streaks shine right through, and not a person would doubt them. Ever.

(It also made me laugh because I own a few swords.)



HoneyBears -> RE: Sub-sumed desires (6/26/2014 7:22:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: missbrownjinx

quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

In a culture where "switching" is looked down upon, it shouldn't be surprising this type of thing happens.

We've created a set of roles and stereotypes, and people are vilified if they don't fit into them, in every way, all of the time.

These men are either switches, or sub's who are ashamed of that. I'd tend to suspect the first case.

Afterthought: I wonder if I should have posted this in the 'Ask a Switch' forum.........

The idea of being a sub who is ashamed of it - that is almost a direct quote from one who I just had a session with. He literally said 'dominant' was what society decreed he must be, so he wore that mask for some time.

From the views expressed here I would venture to say there are two types: those who are fetish-driven, just looking to get their rocks off, and those who are genuinely conflicted about their role and come to me looking for answers.


Since I am a switch, I'll chime in to say there are two types of ambiguous subs:
(1) Those who are fetish-driven, just looking to get their rocks off, a bottom wanting to get topped, and
(2) Those who are fetish-driven, just looking to get their rocks off, and conflicted.

Those subs who own their submissive nature and are not ambiguous about wanting a mistress to submit to with a compliant and deferential spirit, are in fact submissives.

I should mention that although I am a switch, I am submissive to only one woman, my mistress.
When we were first in touch, I thought I had a humiliation fetish, among other mostly kinks. I wanted to be bitch-slapped and called disparaging names.
My mistress was not into humiliation, but she said she would consider giving me a singular, light slap for an instant correction after "the look" and a verbal warning didn't do the trick. It worked.
Before long, I found I no longer had face-slapping humiliation fantasies, which included being "forced" to submit to her. Pleasing her and doing as she wished was more important to me than needing to be put in my place.
(And I can be an arrogant little bugger, or so she says. [:-])

Whether these guys contacting you are doms, tops, switches, subs, bottoms or vanilla, you are only asking for a world of trouble encouraging any man who is at a hypocritical stage in his life without enough self-awareness that he would be seeking out or pretending to seek out a kinky mommy therapist substitute. You aren't their mommy dearest. Most of them are probably married or just looking for a side piece, IMO, as a guy.

-- Cub



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