Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation

Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (Full Version)

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ninetydaynofap -> Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 11:43:16 AM)
Has this happened to anyone else? I quit doing both and my fetisishes/urges for bdsm are pretty much gone - I read that when you quit porn/masturbation your brain reboots and that seems to be what has happened with me. Porn is an addiction - the brain cant really handle it - it craves harder stuff like bdsm after a while and it can be adictive I always felt I wasn't born to be a 'slave' but the addiction was too strong, since quitting the porn im able to connect to people in a different way, has anyone else noticed this?

littleladybug -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 12:03:26 PM)
Nope, haven't noticed that a bit. But, then again, I never based my desires on what I saw in porn.

FieryOpal -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 12:04:19 PM)
You know, there's nothing wrong with being a submissive male with or without BDSM in your life. When the urges return at some point, recognize them for what they are, your need to be dominated. You can acknowledge that you want D/s without turning back to porn for temporary gratification. The fact that you quit willingly and have been going through self-"detox" means that a part of you knows you were getting addicted and that this was unhealthy for you. As for quitting masturbation, I don't know that there's anything harmful about that. Are your masturbation fantasies disturbing to you? If you feel this was excessive, then you can certainly cut back, but the two activities are not necessarily inter-related. You can masturbate without porn, although not such an easy feat the other way around, given arousal responses. What you can do if this idea appeals to you, is to use guided imagery. Instead of letting your sexual fantasies take control of your mindscape, focus on an ideal. This ideal doesn't have to be sexual in nature either. It can be romantic, sensual, sentimental even. You can rewire your own arousal responses instead of being ruled by uncontrollable urges that you evidently feel were getting out of hand (no pun intended.) Keep in mind that most BDSM activities are outwardly symbolic and ritualistic expressions of inner desires. Once you become cognizant of your D/s desires, then you will know what it is you really want to manifest into your personal reality.

RoyalNature -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 12:28:34 PM)
I agree with you ninetydaynofap.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 12:48:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ninetydaynofap Has this happened to anyone else? I quit doing both and my fetisishes/urges for bdsm are pretty much gone - I read that when you quit porn/masturbation your brain reboots and that seems to be what has happened with me. Porn is an addiction - the brain cant really handle it - it craves harder stuff like bdsm after a while and it can be adictive I always felt I wasn't born to be a 'slave' but the addiction was too strong, since quitting the porn im able to connect to people in a different way, has anyone else noticed this? Considering that my BDSM feelings predate my awareness of the existence of sex, porn, or masturbation, nope I don't see them going away by quitting any of those. If you're on the other hand a 'natural' vanilla (as in your BDSM desires were not triggered pre sexual maturity, or during puberty) and you developed an interest in BDSM at a later, adult, age because of a porn addiction, then I can fully see your desires going away once the addiction is resolved.

ninetydaynofap -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 12:55:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal You know, there's nothing wrong with being a submissive male with or without BDSM in your life. When the urges return at some point, recognize them for what they are, your need to be dominated. You can acknowledge that you want D/s without turning back to porn for temporary gratification. The fact that you quit willingly and have been going through self-"detox" means that a part of you knows you were getting addicted and that this was unhealthy for you. As for quitting masturbation, I don't know that there's anything harmful about that. Are your masturbation fantasies disturbing to you? If you feel this was excessive, then you can certainly cut back, but the two activities are not necessarily inter-related. You can masturbate without porn, although not such an easy feat the other way around, given arousal responses. What you can do if this idea appeals to you, is to use guided imagery. Instead of letting your sexual fantasies take control of your mindscape, focus on an ideal. This ideal doesn't have to be sexual in nature either. It can be romantic, sensual, sentimental even. You can rewire your own arousal responses instead of being ruled by uncontrollable urges that you evidently feel were getting out of hand (no pun intended.) Keep in mind that most BDSM activities are outwardly symbolic and ritualistic expressions of inner desires. Once you become cognizant of your D/s desires, then you will know what it is you really want to manifest into your personal reality. Thanks - you rpost was good but I disagree - I just can't seem them returning - I don't think think i'll ever be some hardcore overly dominant guy but neither will I be a slave/sissy type - i feel roughly somewhere in the middle now and i'm okay with that. As for quitting porn - there is a lot of no fap forums online - such as this one - http://www.nofap.org/ and there are a lot of similar stories to my own - people have had life changing experiences just by quitting porn/masturbation - for me it was more of a confidence boost than going on anti depressants There is a great ted talk here on porn and what it does to the young male brain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU also check out www.yourbrainonporn.com quote: ORIGINAL: RoyalNature I agree with you ninetydaynofap. Thank You :)

FieryOpal -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 1:26:18 PM)
OP, you aren't ready for me to dispute this matter with you, but I appreciate your acknowledgment. Only time will tell. quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar Considering that my BDSM feelings predate my awareness of the existence of sex, porn, or masturbation, nope I don't see them going away by quitting any of those. If you're on the other hand a 'natural' vanilla (as in your BDSM desires were not triggered pre sexual maturity, or during puberty) and you developed an interest in BDSM at a later, adult, age because of a porn addiction, then I can fully see your desires going away once the addiction is resolved. Ishtar, I am in complete agreement with you. I've had domination urges as young as 5-6, which became eroticized by the age of 9 while I was still pre-pubescent. They never go away (thank goodness) and will continue to seek resolution one way or another. One's choice in the matter is in how to properly channel these inchoate desires in a creatively appropriate manner, often best done via one's intimate interpersonal relationships.

SweetAmber32 -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 1:31:01 PM)
That's funny. Before I got into BDSM I was Bi-Curious. But it seems the minute I realized where I belonged, as a submissive, I lost all desire to be with a woman. When my former Dom asked about being with women and I told him that I am straight, but had at one time wanted to try women, he was stumped and at a loss as what to say. He'd never encountered such a thing before.

ninetydaynofap -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 2:03:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal OP, you aren't ready for me to dispute this matter with you, but I appreciate your acknowledgment. Only time will tell. You can dispute if you wish to - I respect your opinion - however, my experience tells me different

InHisHeart -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 2:06:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar Considering that my BDSM feelings predate my awareness of the existence of sex, porn, or masturbation, nope I don't see them going away by quitting any of those. If you're on the other hand a 'natural' vanilla (as in your BDSM desires were not triggered pre sexual maturity, or during puberty) and you developed an interest in BDSM at a later, adult, age because of a porn addiction, then I can fully see your desires going away once the addiction is resolved. I also agree, my BDSM desires where there very early on, I didn't even know there was a name for it or that other people had the same type desires. My submissive/BDSM desires are here to stay and I'm very glad for that (as is my Master). Porn plays no role in my lifestyle or sexual desires. OP: As for porn being addictive, yes, it can be to "some" people but it isn't addictive to all people. It's no different than any thing else that some people can become addicted to, alcohol, gambling, shopping, eating, the list goes on and on.

GotSteel -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 5:06:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ninetydaynofap As for quitting porn - there is a lot of no fap forums online - such as this one - http://www.nofap.org/ and there are a lot of similar stories to my own - people have had life changing experiences just by quitting porn/masturbation - for me it was more of a confidence boost than going on anti depressants Still not sure what fap means but I gave the site a quick glance and lol I did enjoy this: "Stop objectifying and establish meaningful connections" Not that this is a problem for most of us but I've definitely seen people post on here that needed to spend less time learning about relationships from porn. So if this is what it takes for you to get out there and date and it's working for you than great. I'd just caution you not to repress yourself, make sure you do find a positive outlet for your sexuality to replace the one you're giving up.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 5:35:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GotSteel quote: ORIGINAL: ninetydaynofap As for quitting porn - there is a lot of no fap forums online - such as this one - http://www.nofap.org/ and there are a lot of similar stories to my own - people have had life changing experiences just by quitting porn/masturbation - for me it was more of a confidence boost than going on anti depressants Still not sure what fap means but I gave the site a quick glance and lol I did enjoy this: "Stop objectifying and establish meaningful connections" Not that this is a problem for most of us but I've definitely seen people post on here that needed to spend less time learning about relationships from porn. So if this is what it takes for you to get out there and date and it's working for you than great. I'd just caution you not to repress yourself, make sure you do find a positive outlet for your sexuality to replace the one you're giving up. "NoFap hosts challenges where participants abstain from porn and masturbation. Seize control of your sexuality and turn it into superpowers. Recover from porn-induced sexual dysfunction Stop objectifying and establish meaningful connections Improve your relationships Live a more fulfilling life" (Why the hell would I want to do that?)

MrRodgers -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 5:40:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleladybug Nope, haven't noticed that a bit. But, then again, I never based my desires on what I saw in porn. OP never said he did either.

cloudboy -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 6:16:03 PM)
Once you've experienced things in real life -- then porn just looks and feels stupid. Real life, as you note, tends more to the normal and less extreme -- whereas porn, in order strike any kind of interest, it needs to be fetishized and extreme. I don't think porn is a total negative, but a man is in bad shape without a real partner over an extended period of time. Porn might make such a situation worse.

Miyani -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 8:53:06 PM)
Yes. I completely agree that you've lost your D/s desires. Especially given the fact that you'd abstained from fapping for three months (based on the username) and found yourself compelled to make an account here. Clearly, you are cured.

cloudboy -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/21/2014 8:57:28 PM)
Good point. You make me feel as if my edge has completely dulled.

thorneyone -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/22/2014 8:57:14 AM)
That porn is addictive is unquestionable. It has taken over my life to an extent. I am utterly amazed and intrigued at just how much pornography is on the worldwide web. If I step back from the guilt that viewing porn lays on me from society, I certainly find porn attractive and in some ways beautiful. If I accept that some women get off from a host of different kinks and perversions, then by default, if I study BDSM pornography, I am going to pick up a number of hints and suggestions on how I can improve as a Top and hopefully better satisfy my partner. It cannot all be negative and damaging. Some of what I view is huge masturbation fantasy material. Again is this necessarily wrong, bad for me or evil? There are some very far reaching questions society need ask if it ever to come to terms with porn. There is no smoke without fire and in that way, there would be no supply without demand and no, I do not believe we are all going to hell in a hand cart. It has been my opinion for a very long time that the disease really is the cure.

graceadieu -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/28/2014 8:41:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar Considering that my BDSM feelings predate my awareness of the existence of sex, porn, or masturbation, nope I don't see them going away by quitting any of those. If you're on the other hand a 'natural' vanilla (as in your BDSM desires were not triggered pre sexual maturity, or during puberty) and you developed an interest in BDSM at a later, adult, age because of a porn addiction, then I can fully see your desires going away once the addiction is resolved. Agreed. I think if your BDSM/Ds interest predates puberty, than stopping looking at porn isn't going to do shit to change it. At that point, the only thing that's going to affect it is if some or all of your interest, or at least how it manifests, comes out of an unhealthy childhood, and you resolve those childhood issues. (This is something I've been wrestling with recently, so it's on my mind.)

Gauge -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/29/2014 1:55:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ninetydaynofap Has this happened to anyone else? I quit doing both and my fetisishes/urges for bdsm are pretty much gone - I read that when you quit porn/masturbation your brain reboots and that seems to be what has happened with me. Porn is an addiction - the brain cant really handle it - it craves harder stuff like bdsm after a while and it can be adictive I always felt I wasn't born to be a 'slave' but the addiction was too strong, since quitting the porn im able to connect to people in a different way, has anyone else noticed this? So, people who are into BDSM are into porn. Is this what you are saying? Like drinking... try a beer, soon you are on the hard stuff and then shooting grain alcohol into your veins? I would venture a small guess that for most people their indoctrination into BDSM was never born out of an immersion in pornography and wanting harder and harder stimulation. My guess is that a great many of us felt that urge long before we knew what it really was. For me, watching cartoons when the woman was tied to the rail road tracks, or in a Western she was tied, gagged, and helpless, I found that compelling but I didn't know why. Later in life, I still had these feelings inside, and I didn't understand BDSM, but it was explained to me by a friend and the rest is history. So please, correlate the liking of BDSM to excessive masturbation and porn. Sounds perfectly legitimate. It doesn't hurt that your screen name says what your point is, and it also doesn't hurt your case that this is your first few posts on a BDSM message board. It further strengthens your case that some random guy with their very first post on that very same BDSM message board agrees 100% with you. Not to mention the handy links to the YouTube video, and other anti-masturbation/anti-porn sites. Let's not even point out that you made this account on a BDSM site, to post about the evils of porn and masturbation and how, magically you were cured from your BDSM urges... I think you picked the wrong focus group to shill your opinion. Yep, nothing at all makes me think that you aren't completely credible. [8\|][8\|][8\|][8\|][8\|][8\|][8\|]

crazyml -> RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/masturbation (6/29/2014 11:11:10 AM)
[Ed for typo] Well, you're obviously very influenced by what you see on the Web so this may be true for you. But, it's simply not a general truth. Some people become addicted to porn, certainly, but porn is not an addiction, and to say that it is is silly nonsense. That isn't to say that I am not concerned about the effects that prom has on young men (and women) but while I am truly happy for you if your life improves as a result of your choice to abstain, but I would caution you against becoming an evangelical abstainer, as there is a danger you might come across to some people as a bit of a cock. Which would be sort of ironic.

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