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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 6/30/2014 5:32:56 AM   
vincentML


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quote:

Considering that my BDSM feelings predate my awareness of the existence of sex, porn, or masturbation, nope I don't see them going away by quitting any of those.

If you're on the other hand a 'natural' vanilla (as in your BDSM desires were not triggered pre sexual maturity, or during puberty) and you developed an interest in BDSM at a later, adult, age because of a porn addiction, then I can fully see your desires going away once the addiction is resolved.

My BDSM urges also arose prepubescent. This has always intrigued me. I wondered at their origins. Was it genetic or experiential? I am leaning to the conclusion that fetishes and kink behaviors are eroticized during childhood games, particularly capture and interrogation games. I have read that children can be erotically influenced. I doubt the genetic hypothesis just as I wonder about the so-called "gay gene." I doubt anyone is naturally 'vanilla' or naturally anything else. And I do agree with the OP that bdsm might be a sexual addiction for many.

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 6/30/2014 7:49:26 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I find the op's experience to be odd as most sub males in chastity become more focused on it judging by what the Ask A Mistress forum seems to say.

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 6/30/2014 7:51:35 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
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For me, there have always been two foundational assumptions about how the mind works in this subject (as well as a lot of others). One is that behaviour reinforces behaviour; the other is that acting on a drive empties the energy from it. I'm more of the latter persuasion, by instinct. Me, for instance, if I don't crack one regularly (nearly always with porn as an aid), I'm *more* likely to go around treating women awkwardly because the lust-impulse feels like it's getting in the way - because I've not taken enough of the edge off it. Porn, for me, does a job - a simple and basic one.

Right, I admit: that was probably ever so slightly more than what most people wanted to know about me. ;-)

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 6/30/2014 8:59:27 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

OP, I hate breaking this to you, but...

There are actually people out there who have a very strong desire for BDSM...yet find porn so fucking boring that they'd rather watch paint dry on a wall somewhere instead. I fit into this category myself actually.

And not everyone who does watch porn becomes addicted to it.

I know, I know. Mind = blown, right?

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 6/30/2014 11:36:36 AM   
Gauge


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Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentML
And I do agree with the OP that bdsm might be a sexual addiction for many.


No, the OP has said that porn is the addiction, BDSM is the result of uncontrolled immersion in porn due to needing harder stuff... you know, like a toke of pot leads you to shoot heroin into your eyeball.

I doubt that BDSM is a sexual "addiction" if one would really want to argue the point. People are drawn to kink for a variety of reasons, hell even vanilla people sometimes get drawn to it just to temporarily spice things up a bit. This does not make it an addiction in the classic terms, and not even in the loosest terms of the definition.



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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 6/30/2014 12:46:37 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
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From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity
~FRing it~
OP, I hate breaking this to you, but...

There are actually people out there who have a very strong desire for BDSM...yet find porn so fucking boring that they'd rather watch paint dry on a wall somewhere instead. I fit into this category myself actually.

And not everyone who does watch porn becomes addicted to it.

I know, I know. Mind = blown, right?

AND/OR: There are actually people out there who have a very strong desire for D/s...

(My D/s desires way eclipse any BD[SM] desires I have, so I had to tweak this a little.)

I would rather watch a fresco wall painting replica of da Vinci's "The Last Supper" dry, which would take way longer. Days.
Because this is what I think of the porn that's out there:

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/2/2014 7:50:18 AM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline 		Because this is what I think of the porn that's out there:

You don't get out much do ya?

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/2/2014 7:58:15 AM   
KYsissy


Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		FR,
If porn was a problem for you, then good for you for recognizing as much. I dont look at porn so that isnt where my twisty brain came from.

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/2/2014 11:05:46 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		[Brackets mine]
quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

[FieryOpal:] Because this is what I think of the porn that's out there:

You don't get out much do ya?

Bad acting is a Soft Limit of mine. So is fakey begging, fakey acts of submission, and fakey acts of domination. So-o-o Not Sexy.

Your average porn is demeaning to women, and encourages men to treat all women like sex objects and whores for their own personal gratification, not how to truly please a woman.
Not to mention the pathetic way submissive males are depicted, so not fuckable.

Bad acting combined with a sorry-arse script and a stupid-as-shite storyline -- Hard Limit.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/2/2014 12:04:37 PM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		I once went 90 days (meditation retreat) without porn or wanking.

But I still wanted to spank an ass when I was done.

For you -and a lot of people- BDSM had a toxic element. I am glad you are feeling better. But BDSM fills my life with joy and coming hard, so I will have to demur from your Ted Talk-thing.

You seem like a nice person and your impulse to post here seems altruistic.

(in reply to crazyml)
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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/2/2014 12:25:06 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		You are what you are... porn or lack of it will not change you... Time will tell which kind of person you are but it will come out eventually no matter how you try to suppress it.

I do believe porn can be a problem for some people...especially those that are just discovering their sexuality. What often happens it seems is the inner desires conflict with upbringing or the accepted norms of society. Guilt ensues and over-reactions such as yours will work for awhile. Then the desires reappear and rather than addressing them directly many turn to porn...and the cycle begins again.

I am not saying this is the case with you...but don't be surprised if the same old feelings reappear. If they don't...then you are on the right track... if they do then come back and talk with some experienced subs and Doms and see if you can find a lifestyle acceptable to you.

Butch

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/2/2014 4:59:12 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ninetydaynofap

Has this happened to anyone else?



I quit doing both and my fetisishes/urges for bdsm are pretty much gone - I read that when you quit porn/masturbation your brain reboots and that seems to be what has happened with me.

Porn is an addiction - the brain cant really handle it - it craves harder stuff like bdsm after a while and it can be adictive

I always felt I wasn't born to be a 'slave' but the addiction was too strong, since quitting the porn im able to connect to people in a different way, has anyone else noticed this?


kjsuehuui3estauat icoduh jdideded1u, oied; oice1szqs

(in reply to ninetydaynofap)
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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/2/2014 5:05:27 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


kjsuehuui3estauat icoduh jdideded1u, oied; oice1szqs


So it does make you go blind after all.


_____________________________

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I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/2/2014 5:43:24 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		I think it's turned him Japanese. That's my diagnosis.

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/2/2014 5:45:31 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I think it's turned him Japanese. That's my diagnosis.


You really think so? Think so, think so, think so?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/3/2014 8:08:33 AM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

[Brackets mine]
quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

[FieryOpal:] Because this is what I think of the porn that's out there:

You don't get out much do ya?

Bad acting is a Soft Limit of mine. So is fakey begging, fakey acts of submission, and fakey acts of domination. So-o-o Not Sexy.

Your average porn is demeaning to women, and encourages men to treat all women like sex objects and whores for their own personal gratification, not how to truly please a woman.
Not to mention the pathetic way submissive males are depicted, so not fuckable.

Bad acting combined with a sorry-arse script and a stupid-as-shite storyline -- Hard Limit.


I am sorry if my remark seemed less than genuine. I was serious.
I agree with you that not good porn is a waste of bandwidth.
Conversly:
Would you agree with me that porn that is well scripted and well acted with high production values is a worthwhile addition to a well rounded sexual personality?

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/3/2014 9:03:17 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		No problemo,
quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

I am sorry if my remark seemed less than genuine. I was serious.
I agree with you that not good porn is a waste of bandwidth.
Conversly:
Would you agree with me that porn that is well scripted and well acted with high production values is a worthwhile addition to a well rounded sexual personality?

But I don't believe that real unicorns exist. Unless you have some secret stash hidden away...

There is some soft porn that's okay to watch on occasion.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/3/2014 9:47:08 AM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline
ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
But I don't believe that real unicorns exist. Unless you have some secret stash hidden away...

My secret stash is in the fridge,on the door right hand side below the butter thingie.

There is some soft porn that's okay to watch on occasion.

On a scale of soft porn to xxxx where would you put:
rocky horror picture show,
deep throat,
the secretary


(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/3/2014 10:29:45 AM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: ninetydaynofap

Has this happened to anyone else?

I thank the god of smut that it has not happened to me.



I quit doing both and my fetisishes/urges for bdsm are pretty much gone.

I quit doing both...most unpleasant 20 minutes of my life.



- I read that when you quit porn/masturbation your brain reboots and that seems to be what has happened with me.

If I were religious I would pray for you...I am not. I am selfish and any dominant women who may have been interested in you are now free to consider someone who still likes that sort of thing.

Porn is an addiction - the brain cant really handle it

Speak for youself. Mine handles it pretty well. I can usually remember enough of the sceene and dialog to describe it to the women I pay to re-enact it. But now that we live in the computer age I just link her to it and she watches it while I am driving there.


- it craves harder stuff like bdsm after a while and it can be adictive

Omg I hope so.



< Message edited by thompsonx -- 7/3/2014 10:31:57 AM >

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RE: Fetishes/bdsm desires gone after quitting porn/mast... - 7/3/2014 10:57:11 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

On a scale of soft porn to xxxx where would you put:
rocky horror picture show,
deep throat,
the secretary


You missed "sucks shit" on your scale.

I don't remember all of it too well since it's been a while, but The Secretary was all right. Not exactly soft porn, and neither was Basic Instinct or Dead Calm.
Erotic thrillers like Frankie Goes to Hollywood were pretty hot, still not soft porn. I'm thinking more of the late Sylvia Kristel.

ETA: Fuck--I meant Body Double, not the theme song.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 7/3/2014 11:04:22 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to thompsonx)
Profile   Post #: 40
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