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hi and a question - 6/27/2014 3:18:34 PM

phiz22

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

hi been on here while but never really got into it as much as i thought, until recently.
the question for all is...in asking for a potential sub/slave/pet to meet.. who would first ask said sub to verify with a face pic with card and your name on it...is that a insulting request?? for me it helps weed out the fakes and timewasters.

phiz

Post #: 1

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 3:21:47 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Yeah, I goddamn would want to know what she looked like, if we were gonna meet, so I wasnt kicking the dogfuck out of and facefucking the dishwasher at the restaraunt who had not consented. And who she was.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to phiz22)

Post #: 2

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 3:23:44 PM

nwbie

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline

It's not insulting in my opinion.
It's even handy to more easily find the sub as well.

(sorry made a mistake with reading)

Old text

[size=1]But I know that it can be very invading for someone and migth be too much to ask right off the bat.
A lot of subs would decline and tell you they will after talking some more with you just to make sure that you're real as well.

In my opinion if you ask something (especially like this) you should be prepared and willing to do the same since you're not in D/S relation.
Furthermore something like that isn't really part of a D/S relation in most cases (however some people like full public humilation, blackmailing, etc).[/size]

< Message edited by nwbie -- 6/27/2014 3:26:22 PM >

(in reply to phiz22)

Post #: 3

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 3:29:04 PM

Dvr22999874

Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline

On Alt a few years back, there was a spate of people setting up their (so-called) friends to meet Doms and Masters etc and possibly do the whole kidnapping scenario. As you can imagine, It caused more than a little trouble and involved a few nasty court cases I believe. So yes, I would definitely ask for a pic and would also ask for a short phone call immediately prior to the meeting during which I would ask her to wear, carry, do or say something distinctive so that I could recognise her and I would let her know what I would be wearing or carrying or what I might say. Overkill ? Maybe. But a whole lot better than trying to explain to your friendly neighbourhood SWAT Team what you were REALLY doing shoving a screaming female in the back of your car.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 4:12:48 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: phiz22

hi been on here while but never really got into it as much as i thought, until recently.
the question for all is...in asking for a potential sub/slave/pet to meet.. who would first ask said sub to verify with a face pic with card and your name on it...is that a insulting request?? for me it helps weed out the fakes and timewasters.

phiz

Yes, it is an insulting request. You are essentially calling them a liar and telling them to prove they aren't.

I had plenty of pictures on my profile when I was searching, including a fully clothed full body shot and clear facial photos. If that wasn't enough for them, they weren't worth my time.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 6/27/2014 4:15:06 PM >

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to phiz22)

Post #: 5

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 4:25:20 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

It is insulting. Only dominants need to earn trust and respect.

To ask a submissive to be who they say they are breaks all the established rules.[/snark]

I don't think it's unreasonable, at all. You're not asking to see their driver's license (as many people counsel submissives to ask for, here). It's nothing more personal than a (I'm assuming clothed?) photo.

There's so much talk around here about "it's just like in 'vanilla' life ...". Well, it is and if I were willing to meet any lady, I would demand that my time is not being wasted.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 6

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 4:33:56 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

You're not asking to see their driver's license (as many people counsel submissives to ask for, here).

Wait, people actually advise this? I haven't seen it.

That said, there's nothing wrong with asking for a face picture, especially if you've already been talking for a while. Even though asking for one off the bat may sound disrespectful, I don't find anything wrong with that either as you're trying to sift through fakes.
I have a requirement that people already have a face picture up on their profiles, because I'm tired of being contacted by people who claim to have a sensitive job when it's really just hiding from their spouse.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 7

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 5:12:46 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

I can't give you links to the particular threads but, it has happened.

I have even been asked for such a thing and when I provided a photo of my license with everything except the photo, name, and D.O.B. redacted, I was told that wasn't good enough.

If you keep a good watch on the threads, you'll see that there's a ... I swear I'm not trying to be offensive so, I'm not sure how to word this ... "slant" here that seems to suggest that people that identify as submissive should play things close to the vest (and I believe they should) but people that identify as dominant don't need to be just as cautious.

By extension, the over-all attitude is that when a submissive asks the dominant to "jump through hoops", they're applauded but when a dominant wants to be cautious, they're chided (or worse).

Hence my snark font in the beginning of my first post in this thread.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 8

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 6:43:52 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

I guess my time isn't all that valuable because I've met prospective submissives without any face pics at all,

, and on my entire time here I've only had three no-shows. And yeah, while they all haven't met my expectations (or vice versa I'm sure lol), isn't that just life?

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 9

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 7:49:44 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

I guess each individual has to determine for themselves what their time is worth. If you don't find your time to be valuable, so be it.

Mine is valuable not only because I have so little of it left but because it is the only resource I have which can't be replenished.

Nothing pisses me off more than someone, wasting my time. Make no mistake about it: I get just as pissed off at myself for allowing my time to be wasted.

Screen captures still RULE! ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 10

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 7:52:30 PM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

I would actually insist on cam..but that's just me.

I guess it depends on the person. I'm going to be meeting someone tomorrow, and he's given me name, address, DL number (and was actually getting anxious because I was taking my sweet time giving this info to my contacts....). I wouldn't be offended at all, as a sub, if someone vetted me. Actually, to me, that shows that someone is serious.

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 11

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 11:17:22 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hi there!

I think, in part, it depends on how "tuned" your online radar is, while mine isn't by any means infallible, I usually get a sense pretty quickly as to whether someone is genuine.

I certainly wouldn't meet without speaking on the phone and exchanging pics - both of which are a pretty "Normal" part of the process of getting to know someone.

When it comes to wasted time, if I'm interested in someone, I would usually look to be having a coffee meet with someone fairly quickly - Long drawn out exchanges prior to meeting have a tendency to lead to disappointment in my personal experience.

Sure, there have been times when I've been disappointed by a real time meet, but actually they're relatively few.

So... no, I personally wouldn't ask for a pic of someone holding a card with their name on it - If I were that dubious about whether someone was genuine, I'd have moved on.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to phiz22)

Post #: 12

RE: hi and a question - 6/27/2014 11:51:05 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Like DS, I have seen people advised to ask for DLs from potential partners. Its information no one should feel entitled to. A name, picture? Definitely. But if you met someone at a club who asked you out, do you ask for their. License so you can run a background check? If you do, seriously, get some counseling before you date anyone else.

I agree with crazyml that the whole card thing is overkill, but do understand why some feel the need.

A suggestion though to make it less "invasive" (at least appear less)...instead of asking for someones picture. Say something to the affect of, "hey, we seem to be connectint and I think it would be great to meet for coffee. How about EXCHANGING pictures so we will be able to recognize each other at the Starbucks where we meet?" This puts you on equal foooting since you aren't in a dynamic as well as sounding less superficial in the sense of trying to determine if you find them physically appealing withouth giving them them opportunity to do the same.

Oh, and if you are going to ask for pictures, ALWAYS be prepared to send yours first.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 13

RE: hi and a question - 6/28/2014 3:18:44 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

It depends when you're asking. If I've been talking to someone for a week or two, I'm interested in them, we've talked on the phone and we're thinking about meeting then yeah, I want to see a face pic and I'd send them one.

What I don't like is when some random person demands a face pic or a voice chat after one or two messages - they'll get told to fuck off.

(in reply to phiz22)

Post #: 14

RE: hi and a question - 6/28/2014 7:51:59 AM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: phiz22
hi been on here while but never really got into it as much as i thought, until recently.
the question for all is...in asking for a potential sub/slave/pet to meet.. who would first ask said sub to verify with a face pic with card and your name on it...is that a insulting request?? for me it helps weed out the fakes and timewasters.

phiz

Unless meeting is a significant commitment (like several states away or something) I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'd be more inclined to want to chat about normal stuff on skype than to have them complete an easily photoshoppable task for me. Or just meet, if they turn out to be a guy in a wig, morbidly obese or geriatric you can always walk right back to the car.

If you're having trouble with no-shows you could always schedule to meet at a munch. Then if they don't show *shrug* there's plenty of other people to talk to.

(in reply to phiz22)

Post #: 15

RE: hi and a question - 6/28/2014 8:18:27 AM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline

Insulting?

No. A little paranoid maybe.

The big question is will the women go for it?

I'm guessing not. Sub women here are getting tons of mail from less demanding correspondents. they will likely tell you to go whistle.

Meeting women that are complete strangers who SAY they want to get tied up and spanked will always be a bit of a crazy undertaking.

How could it be otherwise?

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 16

RE: hi and a question - 6/28/2014 9:16:37 AM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

You're not asking to see their driver's license (as many people counsel submissives to ask for, here).

Wait, people actually advise this? I haven't seen it.

That said, there's nothing wrong with asking for a face picture, especially if you've already been talking for a while. Even though asking for one off the bat may sound disrespectful, I don't find anything wrong with that either as you're trying to sift through fakes.
I have a requirement that people already have a face picture up on their profiles, because I'm tired of being contacted by people who claim to have a sensitive job when it's really just hiding from their spouse.

I've always seen the bit with a driver's license as recommended for photographers taking shots for sale. A face shot showing a photo id and the signed release form is excellent proof to defuse a "I never said he could do that with my pictures" (ie. picture of them in a bikini at the beach when they were 20 ends up in a national magazine advertisement when they are 30).

It is certainly a way to prove a person is who they say they are to the extent that they have obtained photo id for that name.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 17

RE: hi and a question - 6/28/2014 9:49:32 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

OP, I could do exactly as you requested by sending a face picture taken while holding a card with your name and today's date on it, send it directly to you, AND STILL waste your time and play games with you. While I am clueless when it comes to Photoshop, if I was good with it...I could maybe even take some photos from someone else via the Internet, add in the card with your name and date on it, and send you those.

If someone wants to screw around with you, they can always find a way. It's just the sad nature of the beast

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 18

RE: hi and a question - 6/28/2014 11:30:26 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you really find spending half an hour at a coffee shop to be a waste of your time, then I suggest you don't have time to enter into a relationship.

Demanding a strange person jumps through hoops to prove they are worthy of your half hour suggests that you don't find their time of equal value and it sets up the fact that you believe you are special before you have proved that.

Talk to local people, and ask them to meet for tea and cakes in a busy shop.

I'm assuming you've been shot down repeatedly when you've demanded this easily faked proof and you think by getting half a dozen people here to agree with you that all those who stopped talking to you will now decide they were wrong and start bombarding you with apologies. This won't happen.

It doesn't matter that you believe women should do this. The truth is that, as you've seen, they won't. Personally I suggest people deal with the world as it is and not as they wish it would be. YMMV

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 19

RE: hi and a question - 6/30/2014 9:27:08 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

A "real" sub can still send you "fake" pics.

Someone I became involved with at one point sent me various pics of herself, and they were her. We got along incredibly well. Then one day I said we should meet, she panicked and said NO!, which she never said to me.

It turned out that she was sending me older pics of herself because she developed a thyroid condition entirely beyond her control, which made her gain a lot of weight, and she was embarrassed.

I understood. I told her as much, said it didn't matter, we got along very well, the important thing was that she was honest with me. But once I knew, she was too ashamed to meet, and it ended.

Pictures don't tell you if a person is honest. Nor do they tell you about the mind behind the face.

Listen to the person first, and see what comes from it. There are so many more poignant considerations to make.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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