RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a man who wants a D/s relationship?

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RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/10/2014 9:29:51 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

Well, imo, all Doms are kinksters but not all kinksters are Doms. Kink is the umbrella term that covers all of BDSM and a lot more. So just make it clear that you're looking for a Dom and not, for example, a submissive or a rubber fetishist.

(in reply to CeCee)

Post #: 21

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/12/2014 7:51:02 AM

DaCat6

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/12/2014
Status: offline

Some of you talk as though your some sort of collective. Some show a clear snobbery from their D/s platform and some of you offer the most ridiculous advice .

Someone suggested that the op should observe men to see if they "take charge, call for a date or know what movie he wants to see.

This really does not equate to dominance but if you think it does, well hey ho, have fun with that.

and then went on to say “kinksters can only be a Top at best”

Is that on page 132 of the Dominants manual?

Someone else said “Nore should any of us have to settle for kink and fetish sluts”

When will it dawn on you people that D/s is a kink/fetish, lifestyle or otherwise. If it wasn't kink/fetish you wouldn't have a need to be here on such a website feeding your constant kink/fetish hunger with others who share your kink/fetish. What your not considering is, a kinky fetish slut who isn't into D/s could be a magnificent leader but really doesn’t want to be labelled a dominant and doesn’t need to call his partner his submissive? A man without labels? A man/woman who doesn't have the same kink/fetish that you have but can lead none the less.

Kinky is so often defined as, something just to satisfy the small brain of a man and the over active libido of a woman. Kinky seldom uses words like 'passion, eroticism, adventure and a deep want that comes about from understanding one anothers minds. Kinky on these forums appears to be a derogatory word, used with condescending tones to belittle those who don't wish to define themselves as dominant or submissive.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 22

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/12/2014 8:15:14 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaCat6
<snip>
Kinky on these forums appears to be a derogatory word, used with condescending tones to belittle those who don't wish to define themselves as dominant or submissive.

I have no issue with calling myself kinky. Perhaps you are confusing the use of the word "kinky" with "slutty"--and there are some who describes themselves as "slutty" in a non-derogatory manner, as more of a badge of their sexual uninhibitedness. Neither kinky nor vanilla are derogatory terms in my opinion.

There is a distinction made among those who are more D/s dynamic-oriented, though, between a Dominant and a Top, a submissive and a bottom. If you take issue with that, then that's on you. A Top can be proud of being a Top, whether sadistic or not; and a bottom can be proud of being a bottom, whether masochistic or not, and not have any desire to enter into a D/s dynamic. That's their prerogative. It would be helpful, however, if those Tops and bottoms (and non-D/s seeking sadomasochists or fetishists) who do go around presenting themselves as D/s relationship-oriented would own up to being a kinky (BDSM) Top or a kinky (BDSM) bottom instead of stringing the rest of us along just so they can get immediate gratification of getting their itches scratched. Nothing complex, snobby or cliquish about it.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DaCat6)

Post #: 23

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/12/2014 9:44:32 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Nicely said, Opal...

Dark...shhhh...Don't let "them" know we think like that...

I enjoy the kinky side of what I am. But I last played with someone about six months ago. I've been dominant every day in that same timeframe.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 24

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/12/2014 10:27:17 AM

DaCat6

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/12/2014
Status: offline

My post came about because of words like this:
"whereas a kinkster can only be a Top at best. " and"Nor should any of us have to settle for kink & fetish sluts" and "Kinksters, (imho) do not put as much (if any) emphasis on control/power dynamic as D/sers tend to. Kinksters like to "play" D/s. They like the trappings, the outfits, the toys; they like to roleplay."

None of what was quoted above clearly says they are talking about a man who is just trying to get their jollies. It was said in a very generalized way because this is how some people perceive all kinksters to be. I'm saying, take each person on individual merit. Calling a kinky person 'JUST' a top is no different to calling a dominant 'Just' a dominant. It doesn't make sense.

An example of this is my partner who has always been a kinkster, meaning he loves sexual adventure. He’s not a dominant but according to some posts I’m reading here, he apparently is. He’s positive about what he likes, what he doesn’t like, what he will accept and what he wont. He’s a confident guy who seems to intimidate other men just by his presence and has women going weak at the knees. He’s articulate, clever, doesn’t suffer fools and absolutely doesn’t tolerate rudeness, laziness or selfishness from me or anyone else close to him. He has a very self disciplined life who has put order into my life but he would laugh if someone suggested he was dominant. Someone like him has a need to rule his world but he does so without labels attached. Men like mine don't need a submissive woman to complete their world but they will inevitably inspire their woman to appreciate and become compliant to their needs.

Whilst I fully appreciate some guys go down the dominant route just so they can get their jollies, I fully understand that some people say they are dominant because they desire to be dominant but clearly don't have it in them to carry things through. It stretches from that to a self labelled dominant really being able to dominate, to a man like mine (a kinkster) who is dominant in everything other than the label.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 25

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/12/2014 10:56:12 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaCat6

My post came about because of words like this:
"whereas a kinkster can only be a Top at best. "and"Nor should any of us have to settle for kink & fetish sluts" and "Kinksters, (imho) do not put as much (if any) emphasis on control/power dynamic as D/sers tend to. Kinksters like to "play" D/s. They like the trappings, the outfits, the toys; they like to roleplay."

It does sound as if your man is Dominant, and I agree it doesn't make any difference whether he labels himself or self-identifies as such. There is obviously no necessity; he has you, and isn't in the sub acquisition business.

Regarding your quotes above:

-- In this sense, a BDSM kinkster as play partner is a Top, but that doesn't make him a Dominant - which is the incongruency that OP has been encountering - is the point which was meant to be conveyed.

-- Submissive males (and females, but I won't make assumptions for them) generally identify as sluts, even the ones who aren't into humiliation. Oral sluts, ass sluts, spanking sluts, bondage-bottom sluts, pain sluts, just all-around sluts, perhaps with the exception of some slaves. Then they self-identify as oral slaves (here it can be as an "oral slut slave") chastity slaves, footslaves, finslaves, bullslaves, toilet slaves, etc. The terminology having to do with sluttiness was not meant to be demeaning but reflects the mentality of the submissive.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DaCat6)

Post #: 26

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/12/2014 4:05:18 PM

DaCat6

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/12/2014
Status: offline

@FieryOpal

The word 'slut' really doesn't offend me when used this way. It may though, offend some people because not everyone sees it the way we do.
I have never heard of a 'Dominant slut' or a 'slut Master', why is that? I suspect it has something to do with respect.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 27

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinkster and a ... - 7/12/2014 6:57:23 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaCat6
@FieryOpal

The word 'slut' really doesn't offend me when used this way. It may though, offend some people because not everyone sees it the way we do.
I have never heard of a 'Dominant slut' or a 'slut Master', why is that? I suspect it has something to do with respect.

Honestly, it is more than likely because Dominants do not see themselves as "sluts" (which isn't to say some of them don't act this way).

It used to make me cringe when I heard male subs refer to themselves like this, and I would never call a woman one, not even in jest with a girlfriend. I don't know which era you grew up in, but in mine, this was the worst thing you could call a female and totally destroy her *reputation,* more derogatory than "whore" or "bitch."
(Words such as "cunt" and "cocksucker" were unspeakable, in most cases not a part of our vernacular.)
Since this not such a loaded word to males as it is to females, they get a sexual charge out of it. Why would a male sub get turned on by being called "my bitch" or "bitchboi"? Who knows but them? It may be a way for them to deflect their own deep-seated feelings of shame for being a man, yet wanting to be submissive to a woman.

Outside of a BDSM environ, or unless I were speaking directly to another kinky person, this word would not be a part of my vocabulary.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DaCat6)

Post #: 28

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/13/2014 7:44:39 AM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: PandoraFoxxx

Dominant men as being like all the other horny dogs out there who see sub and think automatically 'promiscuous, irresponsible slut."

We're not supposed to do that?

not in an obvious manner how gauche.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 29

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/13/2014 7:50:33 AM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: DaCat6
I have never heard of a 'Dominant slut' or a 'slut Master', why is that? I suspect it has something to do with respect.

It has nothing to do with respect and everything to do with being insecure. As you have mentioned this is a kink site. Being here is prima facia evidence of being a kinkster/slut.
Why dom/domme do not self identify as sluts is simply that they feel it is not good for their immage. My question (since I freely admit my kinkster/sluttyness) is how can anyone not be a kinkster/slut who involves themselves in kinkster/slutty behaviour?

(in reply to DaCat6)

Post #: 30

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinkster and a ... - 7/13/2014 7:52:24 AM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Outside of a BDSM environ, or unless I were speaking directly to another kinky person, this word would not be a part of my vocabulary.

Only the least civil among us would.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 31

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/13/2014 8:02:10 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

~ FR ~

quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

It has nothing to do with respect and everything to do with being insecure.

ROFLMMFAO

Obviously the D side of the kneel has an abysmal difference of opinion than the s-leaning side of the kneel.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to thompsonx)

Post #: 32

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/13/2014 7:31:51 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CeCee

I do not want a kinkster. I want a D/s relaionship. How can you tell the difference?

It's the car.

Mini van......kinkster.

Maserati.....D/s

(in reply to CeCee)

Post #: 33

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/15/2014 1:32:01 PM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: CeCee

I do not want a kinkster. I want a D/s relaionship. How can you tell the difference?

It's the car.

Mini van......kinkster.

Maserati.....D/s

Mini-van..30 mpg...low maintainence... high resale value
Maserati...5 mpg... high maintainence... low resale value

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 34

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/15/2014 1:43:45 PM

PandoraFoxxx

Posts: 182
Joined: 1/3/2011
From: San Mateo, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: PandoraFoxxx

Dominant men as being like all the other horny dogs out there who see sub and think automatically 'promiscuous, irresponsible slut."

We're not supposed to do that?

not in an obvious manner how gauche.

LOL got me there

Maybe I should have clarified they don't treat a total stranger with the assumption that due to A. I can treat her as such. But that has less to do with being kinkster vs. D/s and more to do with being a respectable human being.

(in reply to thompsonx)

Post #: 35

RE: what do you consider a man who is a kinster and a m... - 7/15/2014 3:23:25 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If a person telling you what vegetable to buy turns you on, then d/s is a kink for you.

If it just allows you to relax and not waste energy on nonessential things, then it's not.

Him saying to put the chicken back and pull out burgers because he wants to grill doesn't make me wet. It makes me happy to be in a relationship with someone who is clear about taking charge when he feels it's required or just because he wants to.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to PandoraFoxxx)

Post #: 36

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