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Subs, what was it like "coming out"? - 7/4/2014 11:14:51 PM

newsubslut92

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Joined: 7/4/2014
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I don't mean announcing to friends of families your deep dark desires, but it's something I'm currently going through and I am curious how you ladies and gents went about outing your sexual preferences within your sexual relationships. What was it like? How did the partners you told react? How did it make you feel?

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RE: Subs, what was it like "coming out"? - 7/5/2014 3:04:46 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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You know, I don't really remember. With my now-husband, we spoke online for a long time before meeting in person so it must have come up at some point during that. With my ex we just sort of experimented together.

I've always felt pretty comfortable talking about my sexual preferences - if I'm comfortable enough to jump into bed with you, I'm probably comfortable enough to make sure it's an enjoyable experience.

The harder part was what comes after the big reveal - figuring out how to actually translate that into a mutually enjoyable relationship. Luckily he had tastes that went well with mine, but the every day mechanics of making it work was harder that the initial conversations.

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Being your slave, what should I do but tend
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RE: Subs, what was it like "coming out"? - 7/5/2014 3:20:47 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I was already in a committed relationship with my ex. I told him about my fantasies about bondage, he agreed to try it, and discovered that he didn't like it. I was fine with that. But he didn't try to shame me for it, that would have been upsetting and damaging to the relationship.

As I met The Man on a fetish site, he already shared my interest in it.

What I now recommend is that in addition to you sharing your fantasies, you ask him to share his. Try exploring them alternately.

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RE: Subs, what was it like "coming out"? - 7/5/2014 5:21:29 AM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
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With my former Dom/husband, I knew of him and some of his kinks through a close mutual friend who was a fuck buddy of his and she's who introduced us. He and I became good friends and hung out together often before getting involved sexually. During that time, we talked about everything from our favorite food to our sexual desires. During our many years together, we were always able to communicate openly with each other about our fantasies, if there was something different we wanted to try, our kinks grew, what once were hard limits no longer were limits and we gradually added the D/s dynamics to our every day living.

With my now Master, we met on a site similar to this site 8 years ago and with reading each others posts/replies, we had a pretty good idea of what the other's sexual and relationship needs were. We talked on-line and by phone for about 7 months (due to being 500 miles apart) before meeting in-person and we seemed to be on the same page with our sexual kinks and wanting a 24/7 D/s relationship so we threw caution to the wind and decided to give a relationship a shot. Same as in my former relationship, Master and I were always very comfortable talking about our desires without worries of what the other's reaction will be.

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RE: Subs, what was it like "coming out"? - 7/10/2014 10:01:24 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
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I've only ever had to come out to one 'vanilla' partner, which was when I first discovered BDSM. It was a bit awkward to sit there and say 'I think I like D/s, I think I want to submit to someone' but he took it incredibly well, and helped me explore - and explored himself in the process.

Nowadays, I would be a lot less shy and do a lot less talking. Most men are not interested in the big long explanations, they pay more attention to actions, and what gets you off. I'd simply fuck them in a submissive way and throw in a few things about asking to orgasm and loving it when they hurt me. 99.9% of men would get the clue very quickly - we live in an internet era where this stuff is not unheard of or uncommon anymore.

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