Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (Full Version)

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SIrJerryTucsonaz -> Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/11/2014 7:39:26 PM)

How does one have a slave or sub within a TPE relationship when they are 1. married 2. have another partner outside of the M/s relationship. I am lacking understanding on How you can "Own" a slave that goes home after "playtime"



DesFIP -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/11/2014 8:04:34 PM)

You talk to their partner about what rules need to be put in place. And you accept the sanctity of the marriage as coming first. You don't issue orders that will destroy that.

Because if you're a good person, you will consider what is best for her. Which is keeping her marriage strong and healthy for her children's sake as well as her own and her husband's.

Of course, if you're so selfish that you would destroy it, then you shouldn't have anyone submit to you.

If your limits include not destroying their relationship, then what's the problem? And if you don't have that as one of your limits, be honest and explain it to both of them upfront so they can keep looking for someone trustworthy.

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. You could demand she have barebacked sex with every homeless dude in an alley, but you shouldn't if you care about her safety. Same here.

And having read your profile, you seem to have no understanding of the dangerous activity you seek. Keeping someone tied constantly with blood constriction can cause deep vein thrombosis, necrotic tissue and other less than desirable outcomes.



cloudboy -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/11/2014 8:19:46 PM)

It's called: (1) Pollamory; (2) Swinging; (3) Cheating with advanced skills of deception; (4) open marriage; (5) relationships in the modern age.

Take your pick and plug and play to see if it fits the person you're trying to understand.



DarkSteven -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/11/2014 9:22:43 PM)

I'm confused by the question. I can't imagine TPE as anything but a state that must be grown into over time. By your post and your profile, it sounds like you want a woman that comes as a slave already, and can be plugged into your existing dynamic for TPE.

Not only can I not imagine insta-TPE, I also cannot imagine how someone can be expected to plug into poly effortlessly.

Not to mention that you want a woman that will be tied up 24/7 except to clean up, yet you expect full service from her while tied up.

To answer your question, it sounds like she's already got commitments, and that she wants to shoehorn you in between them. You want complete control 24/7 right off the bat. I doubt that either of you can get what they want, and both need to rethink what is reasonable and realistic.



Arturas -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/11/2014 10:47:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SIrJerryTucsonaz

How does one have a slave or sub within a TPE relationship when they are 1. married 2. have another partner outside of the M/s relationship. I am lacking understanding on How you can "Own" a slave that goes home after "playtime"


You would be playing at being a slave or Total Power Exchange. Two cannot totally own one. The husband loses power. The Dom or master loses power when the "slave" goes home. It's a fantasy. If you do the TPE then clock out and go home then it is a BDSM scene rather than TPE and there is nothing wrong with that, fantasy is good.

So, I suppose I agree with you. I can't wrap my head around 1 + 1 + 1 = 2.



PandoraFoxxx -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/11/2014 11:13:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm confused by the question. I can't imagine TPE as anything but a state that must be grown into over time. By your post and your profile, it sounds like you want a woman that comes as a slave already, and can be plugged into your existing dynamic for TPE.

Not only can I not imagine insta-TPE, I also cannot imagine how someone can be expected to plug into poly effortlessly.

Not to mention that you want a woman that will be tied up 24/7 except to clean up, yet you expect full service from her while tied up.

To answer your question, it sounds like she's already got commitments, and that she wants to shoehorn you in between them. You want complete control 24/7 right off the bat. I doubt that either of you can get what they want, and both need to rethink what is reasonable and realistic.



Yep, what DarkSteven said. You're living in a fantasy land. Real subs/slaves are not plug n play. Especially the kind you want. Not to mention the fact that being tied up even 10/7 is completely unsafe - especially in a moving vehicle. No one worth their salt is gonna go for that.



SIrJerryTucsonaz -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 11:24:22 AM)

There are ways to tie without stopping blood flow, Padded velcro straps, Leather cuffs, But , I think the point was missed. I am lacking understanding on How you can feel that you own something that is not really yours. To me it would be like having a car that I park in somebody else's driveway. I am also trying to understand the other said how could the other party feel "owned" when they in reality belong to another person. To commit your mind and heart to one but live with another?



SIrJerryTucsonaz -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 11:30:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SIrJerryTucsonaz

How does one have a slave or sub within a TPE relationship when they are 1. married 2. have another partner outside of the M/s relationship. I am lacking understanding on How you can "Own" a slave that goes home after "playtime"

This question has nothing to do with my profile, and what I am searching for I don't expect plug in play and know trust has to be built over time. I seen a profile of a lady that is involved with partner and is seeking a TPE relationship with a Master. Just curious how that would work. I have seen others do it and never really gave much thought to it. Seems like a seeking a "shelf master" or a "Shelf Dom" sitting around till the other is bored at home or needs time away from the " marriage" etc...



FieryOpal -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 11:35:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SIrJerryTucsonaz

I am lacking understanding on How you can feel that you own something that is not really yours. To me it would be like having a car that I park in somebody else's driveway. I am also trying to understand the other said how could the other party feel "owned" when they in reality belong to another person. To commit your mind and heart to one but live with another?

The simple black & white answer is that it can't be done. Like some others have told you with no ambiguity, this would only be BDSM fantasy/role-play scening and this woman would be your play partner bottom, not your TPE submissive. You could call yourself her Dom or Master, but in reality you would be her Top.

By the same token a married man, whether in an open marriage or not, cannot be "owned" by his "Mistress." He is already owned by his wife. They could agree to share ownership, but this would hardly be TPE.



SIrJerryTucsonaz -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 11:35:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: SIrJerryTucsonaz

How does one have a slave or sub within a TPE relationship when they are 1. married 2. have another partner outside of the M/s relationship. I am lacking understanding on How you can "Own" a slave that goes home after "playtime"


You would be playing at being a slave or Total Power Exchange. Two cannot totally own one. The husband loses power. The Dom or master loses power when the "slave" goes home. It's a fantasy. If you do the TPE then clock out and go home then it is a BDSM scene rather than TPE and there is nothing wrong with that, fantasy is good.

So, I suppose I agree with you. I can't wrap my head around 1 + 1 + 1 = 2.

Thank you for understanding the question. I understand scenes and yes fantasy is good. Myself I would not and do not get involved with someone that is in a outside relationship. Not worth the hassle or headaches, Two leaders two set of rules and two lives.



DarkSteven -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 11:46:53 AM)

I don't see an issue.

I expect my submissive to hold a job. Once she walks into the door to her workplace, she must obey her manager. When she leaves, her obedience to her supervisor ends.

Similarly, when she is with her vanilla husband, she is his vanilla wife and her Master has no say in her relationship. Once she leaves him and enters her Master's home, she becomes his. Situational/locational submissiveness, if you will.

It's not 24/7, agreed. And I suppose it isn't really TPE since, as you imply, she has to have in the back of her head that she cannot get piercings, etc., that cannot be accommodated by her vanilla life when she returns to it.

But if she can compartmentalize her life, she can serve for periods of time instead of 24/7.



shiftyw -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 11:52:38 AM)

Polyamory is a thing.

There are a lot of dynamics and personalities, one size does not fit all.
For every definition you have of TPE, someone else has a another. And that's ok. There really isn't a universal rule book for this stuff.

If you aren't involved with this person, don't want to be involved with this person, and you know that- whats the point of this question?

If I went around going "Jeez HOW CAN ANYONE LIKE LETTUCE! I MEAN...ITS LETTUCE!" all day...that wouldn't be really productive would it? Best to worry about yourself and finding someone who is compatible with you, don't let those who aren't bring your day down, or else you're going to spend a lot of time dwelling on bullshit that doesn't matter.

ETA: For the record, I love lettuce.



SIrJerryTucsonaz -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 12:38:01 PM)

I am not condemning what she is seeking, I have no interest in being involved with her, I am staying in contact with her in hopes of better understanding of it. I think and wonder sometimes to much. For each their own and what works for one don't work for another. I like to understand life and the different aspects of it. The human mind is complex and fascinating just looking for others thoughts.



shiftyw -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 1:53:24 PM)

Well...for me...I'm not into TPE. I never have identified as a slave.

But I'm into poly. I can easily have, and respect two d type partners at the same time.
They just have to have enough security in their own egos to stay out of each other's way.

Plenty of people share authority over houses, cars, pets, children, employees, etc. It works like that...

I suspect this girl defines TPE as "TotalLY power exchange"- she's trying to put an emphasis on the fact she ONLY wants a power dynamic, no pain or bondage.
Also, you know she can see this right?
Rather than beat around the bush, have you asked her yourself?



SIrJerryTucsonaz -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 2:07:33 PM)

Yes she is confused on how it will work, She is hoping that it will. I am just a curious type as to what others think.



DesFIP -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 3:08:24 PM)

Asking how you can be devoted to more than one person is like asking how you can love more than one child.
Is it a juggling act? Sometimes, yes.

But so is being both a parent and a spouse. If you're capable of not demanding your spouse abandons her child to do something for you, then you should understand not demanding they abandon their partner to do something for you at exactly that moment.

You have three bunks in your truck? Because those things aren't big enough for more than one to sleep comfortably. And sleep deprivation is never a good thing.



CloakedProtector -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 4:11:52 PM)

OP, it is common and done often.

You must make the difference between the play (which in this case is TPE) and the BDSM relationship type (which in the set-up that you describe would be T/b - one goes home so meetings are clearly play windows and not a 24/7/365 living together M/s)

The TPE play is in all 3 types of BDSM relationships the same. Total Power Exchange is not something that must/or may not be delimited by time.
However it is for sure that in a T/b formula the play may have its practical limits of things you can do.
It also may have it advantage because TPE in 24/7/365, certainly in the beginning if one is new to it, is VERY demanding.

It is not because the play is limited to the time that play windows within which partners meat, that it cannot be TPE.

As for:
"I am lacking understanding on How you can "Own" a slave that goes home after "playtime"

yes, there is a problem there in that a slave is in an M/s relationship and going home would point to D/s or T/b relationships.
With the word slave changed to sub this would hold because then you would have TPE in a D/s or T/b in which the ownerships doesn't require living together (not one going home).



SIrJerryTucsonaz -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 5:07:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Asking how you can be devoted to more than one person is like asking how you can love more than one child.
Is it a juggling act? Sometimes, yes.

But so is being both a parent and a spouse. If you're capable of not demanding your spouse abandons her child to do something for you, then you should understand not demanding they abandon their partner to do something for you at exactly that moment.

You have three bunks in your truck? Because those things aren't big enough for more than one to sleep comfortably. And sleep deprivation is never a good thing.

I agree that the older trucks have smaller bunks, We both sleep well in the bed together with out a problem. Normally one is driving one is sleeping, It works out well. Ours is not but they do have trucks with kitchens and showers.



SIrJerryTucsonaz -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 5:11:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CloakedProtector

OP, it is common and done often.

You must make the difference between the play (which in this case is TPE) and the BDSM relationship type (which in the set-up that you describe would be T/b - one goes home so meetings are clearly play windows and not a 24/7/365 living together M/s)

The TPE play is in all 3 types of BDSM relationships the same. Total Power Exchange is not something that must/or may not be delimited by time.
However it is for sure that in a T/b formula the play may have its practical limits of things you can do.
It also may have it advantage because TPE in 24/7/365, certainly in the beginning if one is new to it, is VERY demanding.

It is not because the play is limited to the time that play windows within which partners meat, that it cannot be TPE.

As for:
"I am lacking understanding on How you can "Own" a slave that goes home after "playtime"

yes, there is a problem there in that a slave is in an M/s relationship and going home would point to D/s or T/b relationships.
With the word slave changed to sub this would hold because then you would have TPE in a D/s or T/b in which the ownerships doesn't require living together (not one going home).

That is is helping me understand it at better views sometimes it is hard to see north when your headed south but it helps to know which way north is in the first place. Thank you for shedding a little different light my way.



FieryOpal -> RE: Subs and slaves with outside partners???? (7/12/2014 5:46:14 PM)

OP, it would appear that this attached lady is seeking Temporary Power Exchange, not Total Power Exchange.
From what I viewed of her profile text previously, she wants a Dom who is NOT into BDSM play, and I believe she indicated she was NOT interested in having any kinky sex.
It was unclear whether she expected to have ANY sort of sexual relationship with this imaginary non-kinky Dom. (They exist, but she'd have better luck replacing her existing vanilla partner with a more dominant vanilla partner.)
She wanted the Domination/submission dimension of her spare time to consist of being dominated. Without the element of play in this arrangement, I don't see how she can delineate her allegiance to both men in her life.

I interpret the word "total" as meaning just that. Total. Not Partial Power Exchange, not Part-Time Power Exchange. (per OP's usage of term "TPE")
This lady could be a bedroom submissive, with a bedroom-only power exchange dynamic, but this is not what she is/was seeking.
Ownership denotes making a D/s-M/s commitment, where ordinarily the s-type's loyalties are not divided.
For her to be an *owned* or even a co-owned submissive, she would need to be available for ownership without a conflict of interest.
There is an old saying that no [wo]man can serve two Masters; for either s/he will hate the one, and love the other; or else s/he will hold to the one, and despise the other.
I don't see how she could pull this off in real life, and I suspect this lady is stuck in an on-line fantasy world.



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