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RE: Is trust the most important in D/s relationships? - 7/19/2014 2:03:01 PM

DaCat6

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

There is a difference between being aware of a risk and doing it anyway and having an agreement to be Safe Sane and Consensual. It is kind of like the difference between knowing that going 150 MPH in your car carries a great deal of risk, but you do it anyway, or obeying the speed limit and all the traffic laws and accepting that there is still risk.

I'm risk aware when I climb thousands of ft up big rock face. I know there is a danger and I'm willing to take that risk. On the other hand I make sure I have checked my rack and my rope and I have a good understanding of the route and where the crux is. I also make sure my belay is fit, healthy and happy with the set up. I wouldn't climb if I didn't trust the person beneath me. In other words I do what most would consider a very cutting edge sport but I minimize the risks by making sure I have put everything in place to make my climbing partner and me safe.

We can exaggerate the differences by putting them in another context but fundamentally they are the same thing.

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RE: Is trust the most important in D/s relationships? - 7/19/2014 2:36:14 PM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaCat6

I'm risk aware when I climb thousands of ft up big rock face. I know there is a danger and I'm willing to take that risk. On the other hand I make sure I have checked my rack and my rope and I have a good understanding of the route and where the crux is. I also make sure my belay is fit, healthy and happy with the set up. I wouldn't climb if I didn't trust the person beneath me. In other words I do what most would consider a very cutting edge sport but I minimize the risks by making sure I have put everything in place to make my climbing partner and me safe.

We can exaggerate the differences by putting them in another context but fundamentally they are the same thing.

There is no exaggeration needed, not for the point I am making. In one instance one is aware of the risks and takes no precautions before doing the activity, in the other you are acting sensibly. Huge difference, same risk.

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RE: Is trust the most important in D/s relationships? - 7/19/2014 4:02:38 PM

Arturas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

There is a difference between being aware of a risk and doing it anyway and having an agreement to be Safe Sane and Consensual. It is kind of like the difference between knowing that going 150 MPH in your car carries a great deal of risk, but you do it anyway, or obeying the speed limit and all the traffic laws and accepting that there is still risk.

If one plays Russian Roulette enough times they will be shot. Knowing and ignoring this is "risk aware and ignored". RACK eventually gets you wounded and in some cases killed.

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RE: Is trust the most important in D/s relationships? - 7/19/2014 4:09:38 PM

CloakedProtector

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

There is a difference between being aware of a risk and doing it anyway and having an agreement to be Safe Sane and Consensual. It is kind of like the difference between knowing that going 150 MPH in your car carries a great deal of risk, but you do it anyway, or obeying the speed limit and all the traffic laws and accepting that there is still risk.

I think this illustrates it quite well. Trust is no doubt the entry point but trust doesn't deliver any guarantees, just like following traffic rules doesn't protect you from having an accident.

Non intentional loss of control during a play-session, by a Dominant, is an illustration of that. Question then arises if one should search additional 'guarantees' besides trust or does trust as such exclude such a search because that search on itself would actually indicate that there isn't actual sufficient trust to begin with.

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RE: Is trust the most important in D/s relationships? - 7/19/2014 4:27:03 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
It is kind of like the difference between knowing that going 150 MPH in your car carries a great deal of risk, but you do it anyway, or obeying the speed limit and all the traffic laws and accepting that there is still risk.

You also know that the risk of injury from being rear ended going 30 is a hell of a lot less than when you're going 60. Smart people slow down when being tailgated for just that reason.

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RE: Is trust the most important in D/s relationships? - 7/19/2014 5:14:53 PM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CloakedProtector

Non intentional loss of control during a play-session, by a Dominant, is an illustration of that. Question then arises if one should search additional 'guarantees' besides trust or does trust as such exclude such a search because that search on itself would actually indicate that there isn't actual sufficient trust to begin with.

Well, as stated, your question becomes a bit of semantics. Trust is not an absolute guarantee, it is essentially an implied contract and therefore has the potential to be broken. A reinforcement of that contract would be negotiated limits but that is not indicative of a lack of trust, it is a further agreed upon reduction of risk factors that are involved. Investigation into the safest bondage techniques, discussion of physical, mental, and emotional limitations would also be an example of risk reduction. All risk reduction does for us is to give us the safest avenue possible to engage in our chosen dynamic, and if we are honest with ourselves, what we do can be quite risky no matter how we would like to gloss that over.

You can never eliminate all the risks or potential random factors that could turn our pleasure seeking into a disaster. As a result, all we can do is to accept that fact or give up bondage altogether.

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RE: Is trust the most important in D/s relationships? - 7/19/2014 5:24:13 PM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

If one plays Russian Roulette enough times they will be shot. Knowing and ignoring this is "risk aware and ignored". RACK eventually gets you wounded and in some cases killed.

We agree. Is this a first?

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RE: Is trust the most important in D/s relationships? - 7/31/2014 1:16:34 AM

orgasmdenial12

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Trust is not really something that plays a big part in my life - it's not something I seek to build or look out for. The only time I ever really think about trust is when it has been broken - by lying or cheating, etc. Trust is one of those things, you either have it or you don't. You know it by its absence.

Top of my list for a Dom in a relationship is sexual chemistry. You know you have it when you can switch between laughing with each other, to glazed eyes arousal in a heartbeat, you can read each other and go on the journey together - pain, pleasure, etc.

They must, must, must be reflective about their abilities and their play. A Dom who doesn't want to learn to be better is dangerous and no fun to play with, because they take themselves too seriously and aren't willing to change. Nothing is worse than playing with a Dom who is hitting wrongly and badly but not being able to say so because you know it will put them in a bad mood and end the scene. We all fuck up in play sometimes - wrap, new toys, different partners' bodies, etc. but being able to hear 'you're doing it wrong' and take it well is extremely important to me. I have the utmost respect for a Dom who can do this.

Skills are high on my list, I love Doms who have lots of toys and are capable in using them. I always seek out the Doms who turn up at the play parties with the suitcases full of toys, and have had some of the best play sessions of my life with them. But skills is not top because I'm also happy to play with newbie Doms, so long as they are willing to learn.

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