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Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/13/2014 11:37:55 PM

Commonplace

Posts: 12
Joined: 7/11/2014
Status: offline

Hi there

Not so new but newbie here & I have what I am hoping is not such a strange question.

I've heard this "submission is a gift" before but since joining here I've had a number of men who identify as dominant telling me that my submission is a gift & one I should cherish.
What exactly does this mean?

I know what submissive means to me but I just can't get my head around this gift idea.

It's not a gift it's just a part of who I am. It allows me to get my needs meet inside & outside the bedroom.

Maybe it's cause every time I hear it's a gift I think of that "your virginity is a gift to your husband" mentality & want to puke!

Is there something I'm missing in all of this?
Is there something I'm doing wrong in thinking that this is just a part of who I am & not something that is needed to be given to someone in that way?

Thanks

Post #: 1

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 12:43:36 AM

CrazyHarleyQuinn

Posts: 44
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline

Pretty much, they're just saying it's something worth (the Dominant) earning, not to be given to somebody (a Dom) without them earning your respect. They're not talking down on it at all, you pretty much said it, "one I should cherish". That's pretty much all they're saying. That it's something for you to cherish. It's late at night, so hopefully I make sense =p

(in reply to Commonplace)

Post #: 2

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 1:09:30 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

I tend to be one to go to the dictionary ...

quote:

Original: Gift

gift

NOUN:
1. Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.
2. The act, right, or power of giving.
3. A talent, endowment, aptitude, or inclination.

I believe that submission is a decision that is re-examined on a regular basis. Just because she submits to me, today doesn't mean she will tomorrow (especially if she goes into the attic; even though I've told her NOT to, a hundred times).

So, taking the definitions in order:

"Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation." Well, that doesn't really fit into what submission has come to mean, around here. Does it?

Just as an example; if Commonplace "gifts" me with her submission and I don't give my dominance, how long will I continue to receive that "gift"? So, in our little corner of the world, it isn't given without compensation. The submissive expects my dominance, in return.

In the same vein, some will tell us that "submission must be earned". That sounds like compensation is being demanded (that's how it sounds to me, anyway).

Next, we have: "The act, right, or power of giving." I'm not even sure this definition should be listed under "noun". Most acts are verbs . As far as the "right" or "power" of giving: well, those, I guess could be nouns. I think this definition is a bit "loose" to say the very least.

Lastly, we have: "A talent, endowment, aptitude, or inclination." I absolutely agree, whole-heartedly and 150% that the "ability" to be submissive is a gift. I think that this might be where the rubber meets the road in our lifestyle.

Under this last definition, submission is, indeed something to be treasured by the receiver and something not to be given lightly.

I absolutely believe that there are just some people who are submissive. If you say that you are, that's good enough for me. So, you ARE submissive. That's good.

Now, comes the Dutch Uncle talking:

I have a sneaking suspicion that some of these guys telling you this may just be "spouting" Pablum©™ in an effort to tell you what they think you want to hear. They may not be doing that but, it wouldn't be the first time a man had a "line" to get laid.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 7/14/2014 1:17:55 AM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to CrazyHarleyQuinn)

Post #: 3

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 2:07:37 AM

RareByrd

Posts: 36
Joined: 1/15/2014
Status: offline

For the most part, the "submission is a gift" meme is just something some "Doms" will say to start trying to get into your pants by making you think they value you. They likely don't. And they are too unoriginal or too mentally lazy to come up with their own lines, so they resort to this well-worn chestnut.

Also beware of those who plaster their profiles with Anais Nin quotes.

< Message edited by RareByrd -- 7/14/2014 2:08:05 AM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 4

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 2:24:42 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RareByrd

For the most part, the "submission is a gift" meme is just something some "Doms" will say to start trying to get into your pants by making you think they value you. They likely don't. And they are too unoriginal or too mentally lazy to come up with their own lines, so they resort to this well-worn chestnut.

Also beware of those who plaster their profiles with Anais Nin quotes.

That's weird. Since I joined in 2006 I've seen the "submission is a gift" mostly on submissive profiles. Thousands.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to RareByrd)

Post #: 5

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 2:27:16 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

Also beware of those who plaster their profiles with Anais Nin quotes.

Same thing, mostly on submissive profiles. So beware of the submissive who have this on their profile? That's a lot of submissive women. Are they fake if they have this or are they too submissive. I'm confused, sorry.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to RareByrd)

Post #: 6

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 3:14:28 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

OP, it's a romantic view of the relationship. Which shows you that these guys are romantics.
If that's what you want in a partner, seek someone who views it that way.

If you want your power ripped away, find someone who doesn't view it romantically. Find someone who views it the same way you do.

I'm not the most creative person out there, so I'm not going to fault anyone for using old lines to express how they feel. If you need someone more creative, then anyone who says this isn't someone you want to be with.

What matters is not how all these strange guys view things. It's how you view it, what do you need? Figure that out and only then look for someone who sees it the same way, has compatible needs.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 7

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 3:17:03 AM

RareByrd

Posts: 36
Joined: 1/15/2014
Status: offline

First of all, I didn't say submissives do not use this line, I said Doms do. This is my frame of reference and what I have experience with (the poster is also a submissive female, btw). I was answering the posted question, and telling her what I believe those who have contacted me (and those that may contact her) often mean when trotting out this tired old line.

Second, you're not "confused", you're trying to make a point, that women do and say stupid stuff to. So have at it, make your point without pretending to be confused by what I wrote.

Third, I didn't say anyone was "fake" for trotting out the old, tired "submission is a gift" line. Unoriginal? Check. Insincere? Check. Fake? Not necessarily.

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 8

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 3:35:44 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

If the Dominants who have told you that submission is a gift meant that submission is a quality they value, then you need not read more into it than that IMO.

Why the thought of possessing a quality or attribute which is valued and cherished, one would hope, would make you want to puke is more enigmatic to me than any hidden meaning in the question you pose.

While the 1st dictionary definition of offering freely without obligation of being compensated might be technically correct, gift-giving is not so in practice and has not been the practice of any culture of which I am aware. This follows the principle of quid pro quo. In fact in most parts of the world, the receiver of any gift is traditionally bound to offer in return a gift of equal if not higher value that what was received. To neglect to do so, causes the receiver to "lose face" or decrease in honor as well as in social status.
When the submissive offers his/her submission, the Dominant is essentially honor-bound to give back at the very minimum the same or equivalent value in Dominance.

Like DaddySatyr noted, just how long will he continue to receive his lady's submission without giving her his Dominance in return?

A side note here. There are those who have no honor and will take or receive without giving as much or more in return. Those are the Dominants you should be wary of, just as Dominants should be wary of submissives who seemingly offer submission which turns out to be an empty gift or an imitation of the real thing.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Commonplace)

Post #: 9

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 4:21:05 AM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Why the thought of possessing a quality or attribute which is valued and cherished, one would hope, would make you want to puke is more enigmatic to me than any hidden meaning in the question you pose.

As stated it's the whole purity ring movement thingy that makes her want to puke. As there's a good deal of pressure in that movement for women to conform to unhealthy sexual repression I think puking is a valid response.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 10

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 4:40:55 AM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline

Submissive is a part of who I am but that doesn't mean I'll submit, serve, please every Dom that crosses my path. When I choose to be in a relationship with a Dom, he has to be someone very special to me and me to him for me to allow myself to be completely vulnerable to him emotionally and physically. He gets all of me, the good and the not so good, I keep nothing hidden from him. I let him know what makes me tick, all my deep dark secrets, things in my past, everything that has made me into who I am today and there's nothing about me that he doesn't know.

I personally don't like using the two words "gift" and "earned". A gift to me is unconditional, when I give a gift to someone, I give it with no expectations, no strings attached, no thoughts of what will they do for me in return. When I hear the word earned, I think of studying hard to earn good grades, doing a great job to earn a promotion or pay raise.

I don't consider my submission so much as a gift, I see it as committing myself, my whole being to someone I want to live my life with, I want to fulfill his needs and who wants to live their life with me, who wants to fulfill my needs. A Dom doesn't have to jump through hoops to "earn" my submission, all he has to do is be himself in front of me, be true to himself and if I like the person he is, I love and care about him for who he is, I trust and respect him, he feels the same about me then I'll commit myself to him, allow myself to be completely vulnerable and submissive to him.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to Commonplace)

Post #: 11

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 9:02:01 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RareByrd

First of all, I didn't say submissives do not use this line, I said Doms do. This is my frame of reference and what I have experience with (the poster is also a submissive female, btw). I was answering the posted question, and telling her what I believe those who have contacted me (and those that may contact her) often mean when trotting out this tired old line.

Second, you're not "confused", you're trying to make a point, that women do and say stupid stuff to. So have at it, make your point without pretending to be confused by what I wrote.

Third, I didn't say anyone was "fake" for trotting out the old, tired "submission is a gift" line. Unoriginal? Check. Insincere? Check. Fake? Not necessarily.

I was confused because I rarely see it in a Dom's profile but you seem to have such conviction that it does appear and Doms in general use it for no good purpose, one being they are lazy. I also see the Anais Nin quote on a Dom profile zero times although likely it does appear on at least one or more out of tens of thousands.

I would not write or imply or hint your post was "stupid" even if I thought it. That would serve no good purpose. Besides, you are obviously not a stupid person. I think your motive for posting this is good in your view and that is the one you need to pay attention to. I only leave you with a wish, a single wish that you remember that Doms are people too, we make mistakes (especially when we start out) and we sometimes write things we should perhaps not write and do and say things we should not say but we, like you, really have good intentions.

Well, most of us, both Doms and subs. Certainly you, I think.

< Message edited by Arturas -- 7/14/2014 9:08:54 PM >

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to RareByrd)

Post #: 12

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 9:29:28 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

So, does anyone wonder what Arturas thinks of the "submission is a gift" thing? Well I will tell you anyway.

I think some women have the gift of service. They must serve. They search for someone or something to serve. The gift is also a strength, it gives them purpose and they must and do love exercising this gift. The women you see here combine that gift with their own natural roles of Dom or submissive. When they combine the gift of service with their natural roles and have the strength to act upon this combination they experience a freedom to be a most beautiful thing to themselves and to men also, incidentally. But the gift is not from them, it is instead truly a gift by the Maker to any man who knows these flowers, the Dom or submissive woman. indeed.

(it is possible I am one of those romantic Doms. Sorry, but it works for me.)

< Message edited by Arturas -- 7/14/2014 9:43:11 PM >

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 13

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/14/2014 10:55:30 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Yeah? Just try walking into a store and returning it.

Seriously, it's a trite cliche. But it could be interpreted that, even though being a sub is a part of you, you get to choose who receives it, and it's a gift to that man.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 14

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/15/2014 3:39:50 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Seriously, it's a trite cliche. But it could be interpreted that, even though being a sub is a part of you, you get to choose who receives it, and it's a gift to that man.

As a male sub, that's the sort of thing that one might think, occasionally, but one rarely actually says it. Male subs have nothing to 'gift' other than their 'wormliness'. Well, I'm sure you know how it goes. Lordy, can you imagine if malesubs were to start going around thinking that they're 'gifting' their submission to a femdom? The next thing would be that they'd start wanting 'Tributes' in return.

Well, OK, cynicism aside;

Yes, submission is a gift. Domination is also a gift. Perhaps they both belong in that category of gifts that are so big that the word 'gift' doesn't cover it - like 'friendship' or 'love'.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 7/15/2014 3:40:56 AM >

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/15/2014 3:49:04 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hey there,

Yes, there are shades of pukeworthiness about it, for sure - But as others have pointed out, the idea is to emphasise the value of submission.

Of course, ultimately, submission is actually a loan.... they can always take it back

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Commonplace)

Post #: 16

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/18/2014 10:23:49 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

Some Doms see submission as something they can automatically command - often Doms with 'high protocol' ideologies who think that all submissives should be submissive to them. You get this in emails where Doms demand you instantly be obedient to them, answer their questions, be respectful, humble, etc. I see 'submission is a gift' as being the opposite to this ideology - they see your active submission as something you choose to give to them when (and if) you are good and ready. i.e. they would like it, but they do not demand it.

(in reply to Commonplace)

Post #: 17

RE: Submission and "gift" what is it? - 7/18/2014 10:47:45 AM

MojoDaddyMarine

Posts: 28
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline

I will tell you how I feel about it based on my present D/s relationship. My sub has had two other Doms in her life over the past 12 years. The last five years she has lived mostly a vanilla life outside of the lifestyle unable to find someone with the personality and needs that suits her to live in this dynamic once again. Our problem is that she says she has never loved her previous Doms..... they existed to keep her in a sub zone that kept her mind focused away from things that she dealt with early in her life, and they never showed her compassion, or love. So we now have trouble in the dynamic, and some days she acts confused as to whether she wants to live in a TPE or a vanilla relationship. I having had less experience have told her, I see these two men in her past as having had been given a gift from her of total devotion while she was with them. After all, what is submission if not an act of willfully devoting oneself to another? What does anyone want in any relationship more than devotion? Total unquestioned devotion? Isn't that in itself the most desirable aspect of any relationship? And that is the foundation of submission. Devotion of this level is almost unfathomable to most living in a vanilla relationship, so yes, I do see the "WILLFUL" act to give her devotion, her submission to me, which is her choice, as a gift.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 18

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