How to find subs/slaves (Full Version)

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Sirkell -> How to find subs/slaves (7/14/2014 11:58:03 AM)

I would love to know where the subs and slaves are. Been on fet life and here and nothing. The women seem to be looking just for a male to serve and maybe ??? Are there any out there that want to serve a couple??? Male or Female Please help. Thank you



DarkSteven -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/14/2014 12:22:46 PM)

What Tasha and I do, is for one or the other of us to find someone online or RL. In preliminary conversation, she is made aware that we are a couple, and she will be interacting with both of us. As early as possible, we meet with her in a vanilla setting as a couple.

She needs to get along with me, with Tasha, and with our interactions. If that happens, then we invite her over.

Alternatively, if we meet a woman at a party and get along with her, we invite her over.

That said, we're only looking for someone to be a play partner, etc.

I hate to be this picky, but how long did you spend writing your profile? It makes you look like you're not looking at the sub for anything other than meeting your needs. How can you meet his or hers?

Also, if you'd be willing to open up to a transwoman or transman, you might get more interest.



CreativeDominant -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/14/2014 2:19:50 PM)

The submissives are over...there. And the slaves are in the "durable goods" aisle. (sorry...got my smart-ass on today)



searching4mysir -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/14/2014 2:54:44 PM)

FR

You will also have people balking at the term "true sub" in your profile. It usually implies that you and your wife lack real time experience in the poly world. When I was searching, any dom who had that phrase in their profile was hidden and blocked. I wasn't going to waste my time.



DesFIP -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/14/2014 7:35:36 PM)

http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-called-you-a-unicorn-hunter/

You need to figure out ahead of time where she's going to fit into your life. Will she be welcome at your office party or family gatherings? Or do you need for her to be a hidden secret?

Just as you probably wouldn't have dated your spouse if they were clear that nobody would ever be introduced to you, same when dating a third person. Both of you need to date and fall in love with her and her with both of you as individuals. If you dated for ten years before meeting your spouse, expect it to take that long and probably twice as much before finding someone that you both like and love who likes and loves both of you.

If you just want a threesome, then trade off with another couple or hire someone.



HisCorva -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/14/2014 7:43:15 PM)

As per Master DarkSteven has laid out, this is how my Master has instructed me. He has set me to find a third. I too have been on here and fet, nothing seems doin but I think it also involves patience... He is ultimately not looking for a play partner but a potential addition to His poly home. For the time being, I think on my part it has to do with the area in search. But i believe Master DarkSteven has laid out a good base to get started.



Marioneta -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/14/2014 8:04:01 PM)

I'm a bisexual woman who would consider serving a m/f couple, if I was single (which I'm not). But there is nothing about your profile that would make me consider you as a prospect. Outside of offering an opportunity to serve, what, specifically, do you offer? What kind of fun might we have (I'm talking vanilla, here)? What are you like as people? How do you spend your time? Are you looking for a long term romantic engagement? It sounds like you just want a maid and sex slave, to be honest. There is no appeal for me to a D/s dynamic if there is no love and romance involved.

But beyond all that, the you-will-support-yourself stuff put me off, too. Frankly, if I was going to live with a couple and do their chores, I wouldn't expect to pay for room or board. Sure, maybe have a part time job for spending money but anything more? Nah. There are too many unicorn hunters. If I was going to be a unicorn, I would be a living-rent-free unicorn.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/15/2014 1:43:44 AM)

How long have you actually been looking?

Think what a difficult task you have. You need to find someone you both find attractive, who finds both of you attractive. He/she presumably needs to be within a certain age range, a certain location, poly, kinky and submissive. They have to have life circumstances that fit with what you need (careers, no kids etc). They need to have similar fantasies as you, similar vanilla interests, and similar life values.

Then on top of that they need to consider what they want from a relationship. Are they allowed to date outside of the two of you? Are they expected to like you both equally? Are they going to have a seat at Christmas dinner or be pushed aside? Can they be sure that one of you won't get jealous?

On and on, a million complications. Consider how few people want to get involved in that. A LOT of couples are looking. How are you standing out? Are you well known in the community with a great reputation? Is your profile the best it can be? Are you realistic and patient in your search?

To give you credit, at least you are searching together. It's always a red flag to me when one half of a couple is doing the search on behalf of both.



CloakedProtector -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/15/2014 4:08:42 PM)

OP the sub, slaves and bottoms are everywhere just like Masters, Mistresses, Dom(me) and Tops are everywhere.

You meet them in daily life but may not be aware of it. They are a % of society. Some found themselves out others still have too.

Some of those who know about the lifestyle will come to web-sites, clubs, munches, event, specialized chats, etc, but many will never make it there.

But just meeting if you find them will not cut the cheese because you also need some kind of 'match' and they need to be available.

In my experience 5 internet contacts result in one or two people you'll want to meet. On average one will disappear as of the moment you enter a stage where some identity disclosure (Skype, Call, Cam-chat, meet) will be needed.
So if you meet 5 people then you have been in Internet contact with about 25. Then depending on how demanding your are you may have one in those 5 that looks like a match that is good for a further try.

So it is not like they grow on trees somewhere and you just have to pick them. They are hard to find and hard to match if you don't want to just jump on everything that moves.

And about:
"...The women seem to be looking just for a male to serve ..."
That is another chapter.



eliseobeys -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/16/2014 2:09:51 PM)

Additionally you may need to look in venues other then just online.

All the times I wound up for a while with a D/s couple I met them while out on the town.

The first in a goth/rave bar (and they were both in modified fetishwear) and I was out with friends but single.

Some times when I was dancing in strip clubs I would hook up with a couple and get busy.

Ive also met couples before at different bdsm clubs. It really helps if you don't mind sharing, or having another dom involved.



CloakedProtector -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/16/2014 3:52:34 PM)

I agree, that would fit the "...clubs, munches, event,..." part of my post.

I did however illustrate with Internet because many people don't go to activities related to BDSM and almost 100% rely on the net.

But yes, and I'll repeat myself by means of acknowledging that you can find them in all kinds of places:
"the sub, slaves and bottoms are everywhere just like Masters, Mistresses, Dom(me) and Tops are everywhere. "

Being able to single them out and approach them in a way they don't feel like "caught" if they are not living the lifestyle openly is indeed a very effective way if you are looking for shorter term play partners.




eliseobeys -> RE: How to find subs/slaves (7/17/2014 3:11:40 PM)

I am sorry Cloaked protector I wasn't responding to your post so much as the op's.








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