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have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/21/2014 10:33:04 PM

rubberloverhk

Posts: 21
Joined: 3/17/2008
From: Hong Kong
Status: offline

I've been a member of collarme (and now collarspace) for 6 years and longer. I once miss the great chance of meeting a great female Dom around me and now she is back to the US. I am now very regretful and check the message every day. Yes, we are a lot, and real mistress is rare. It's hard to get someone take me because there are a lot of competitors. The worst is, English is not my native and I only use it online. I have just gone through my 30-year-old birthday and I am determined to have a lifestyle change and be loyal to myself. I don't want to be a workaholic and I don't want to walk a marriage life. I had a stable girl friend for many years but I recently broke with her and told her I had to leave her. I know I don't want this kind of life. After 30 years of life I have only started to know what I am looking for and what I do really want. I want to be a slave, I want to live as a slave for full time. I don't want to walk a normal life but with a twisted mind, but I want to walk a 'twisted' life with a peaceful mind. I am not good at English grammar LOL so hope you can understand my context.

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Post #: 1

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/21/2014 11:24:32 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Aren't there any groups of like-minded kinksters there in Hong Kong you can meet with in an ordinary social setting, what we call a "munch"?

Trying to find a Mistress on line is not an easy undertaking. Many Dommes, including myself, do not want to deal with relocation scenarios.

Also you say "NO SEX with anyone. But strap-on may be possible."
No sex will not fly with me. This would indicate you want to be a non-sexual service slave.
But I must also inform you that strap-on sex IS sex.
You don't want to gratify your Mistress, yet you are open to the possibility of getting your gratification this way.
Which tells me you've been watching FemDom porn and gotten your notions about slavery in this fashion.
Many Dominant women do not want to go around using a strap-on. Or catering to your ass.

Due to our language barrier, let me tell you what else I read into your profile that isn't appealing to a lifestyle Domme, since you are unwilling to pay a for-hire Domme.
Lifestyle Dommes are predominantly looking for relationships. Yes, like the one you recently ended.
You also say that you don't want to get married or live a *normal* life. Bad news.
Lifestyle Dommes live *normal* lives and most often present as ordinary "vanilla" women.
Given your location and what it is that you seek in a D/s-M/s dynamic, you'll be on this site another 6 years if you continue as you have been.
You are offering servitude and most of us can find this locally, without having to fool with a wannabe slave overseas.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to rubberloverhk)

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Post #: 2

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/21/2014 11:35:59 PM

rubberloverhk

Posts: 21
Joined: 3/17/2008
From: Hong Kong
Status: offline

for-hire Domme? Do you mean a pro Dom who requires tribute?
I can't see the point of paying loads of cash but it turns out to be an one-hour or 30 minutes session with someone who may only want your money, not for fun

what I mean no sex does not mean I can't have sex. I just wish to emphasize that I am not looking for sex through being a sub/slave

(in reply to FieryOpal)

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Post #: 3

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/21/2014 11:51:17 PM

wittynamehere

Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline

OP, whatever you do, don't listen to the nonsense coming from this person. Laughable garbage at best!
"This tells me you've been watching FemDom porn"..... not jumping to conclusions at all, there! LOL

Good luck to you.

< Message edited by wittynamehere -- 7/21/2014 11:52:00 PM >

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Post #: 4

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/22/2014 12:20:23 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

OP, whatever you do, don't listen to the nonsense coming from this person. Laughable garbage at best!
"This tells me you've been watching FemDom porn"..... not jumping to conclusions at all, there! LOL

Good luck to you.

It's possible the format was in hardcopy medium such as anime.
There are many porn sites. Strap-on sex is not normally featured on other-than-FemDom porn.
Of course you are the resident authority on matters pertaining to FemDom porn because you are...a Dom.

Yeah rubberloverhk, a male Dominant's advice is most helpful from a first-hand perspective on how to find yourself a Mistress.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to wittynamehere)

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Post #: 5

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/22/2014 8:46:04 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

rubberloverhk,

Here's a new suggestion to try. You should start posting on forums like this one, on Fetlife, or on kinky rubber-enthusiast message boards. Make an effort to post regularly, at least a few times a week. Don't focus your questions or commentary on kink, but try to incorporate your lifestyle and strengths into your participation. Try to participate in forums on kinky sites that focus on lifestyle, hobbies, etc.

This allows a variety of femdoms to get to know you. A lot of us write and read on forums pretty regularly. The written word format attracts more "down to earth" subs in my opinion - as long as they are posting more than a fly-by-night "hey what do you think of my kink" post. In time, the women (including lurkers who never post) get familiar with you. Then, who knows, you strike up an email conversation and see where it goes.

I can't speak for all, but on a place like CM where I get lots of emails from random guys with kinky come-ons, I am very likely to respond and engage with a man who I know from the message boards. It shows he enjoys this kinky stuff on a cerebral level and is willing (and likes) putting time into it just to converse about it and read what other people think - not just porn, videos, pictures and instant gratification.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to rubberloverhk)

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Post #: 6

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/22/2014 9:04:15 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Um. I read your profile.

1. You say that you're immediately available. Why? Don't you have a job and family to work with?
2. You say that you'll relocate anywhere in the world. And that's juxtaposed with you not wanting a finDomme, so I get the feeling you want the lady to pick up the ticket. I'd clarify who's going to pay for the ticket.
3. No sex with anyone? If that's due to a medical or psychological issue, I'd briefly mention that. Else, what the hell?
4. "When I become your slave, I will follow the following rules." No. If you're a slave, you DO NOT impose YOUR rules on the relationship. Especially
5. "Rule no.2 I am not allowed to make eye contact with anyone at anytime." Good luck getting a new job if you refuse to make eye contact in an interview, and
6. "Rule no.3 Whenever my owner is within ten feet, i'll drop to my knees." So she will never be able to be out with you in public?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to FieryOpal)

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Post #: 7

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/22/2014 9:37:43 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Um. I read your profile.

1. You say that you're immediately available. Why? Don't you have a job and family to work with?
2. You say that you'll relocate anywhere in the world. And that's juxtaposed with you not wanting a finDomme, so I get the feeling you want the lady to pick up the ticket. I'd clarify who's going to pay for the ticket.
3. No sex with anyone? If that's due to a medical or psychological issue, I'd briefly mention that. Else, what the hell?
4. "When I become your slave, I will follow the following rules." No. If you're a slave, you DO NOT impose YOUR rules on the relationship. Especially
5. "Rule no.2 I am not allowed to make eye contact with anyone at anytime." Good luck getting a new job if you refuse to make eye contact in an interview, and
6. "Rule no.3 Whenever my owner is within ten feet, i'll drop to my knees." So she will never be able to be out with you in public?

rubberlover, DarkSteven, on the other hand, knows his stuff and has the insider scoop, and his advice or suggestions are spot on.

You responded that "what I mean no sex does not mean I can't have sex. I just wish to emphasize that I am not looking for sex through being a sub/slave."
Without sex, and without being a satisfactory sexual partner, it is virtually impossible to enter into a committed relationship with a woman, any woman.
Dommes are women, not an exotic species of superhumanoids. We can get a no-strings-attached footrub AND a new pair of shoes from a foot fetishist almost any time we want, if we were so inclined.

If you are willing to be a non-sexual service sub, then why would anybody want to wait around for you to relocate to them? For a less-than-intimate relationship?
And how do you plan to support yourself in a foreign country where you may not be employable and there are no guarantees of citizenship? What Domme would agree to be your instant sponsor?
If the only Hong Kong Dommes nearby charge fees or require tribute, you might want to consider getting your foot in the door first. Befriend a pro, if you can, and see if she is willing to barter BDSM play for practical services and skills, not by offering to be just another piece of furniture, in effect.
It's worth a shot, and the only person holding you back from venturing forth is yourself.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 8

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/22/2014 11:06:52 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Um. I read your profile.

1. You say that you're immediately available. Why? Don't you have a job and family to work with?
2. You say that you'll relocate anywhere in the world. And that's juxtaposed with you not wanting a finDomme, so I get the feeling you want the lady to pick up the ticket. I'd clarify who's going to pay for the ticket.
3. No sex with anyone? If that's due to a medical or psychological issue, I'd briefly mention that. Else, what the hell?
4. "When I become your slave, I will follow the following rules." No. If you're a slave, you DO NOT impose YOUR rules on the relationship. Especially
5. "Rule no.2 I am not allowed to make eye contact with anyone at anytime." Good luck getting a new job if you refuse to make eye contact in an interview, and
6. "Rule no.3 Whenever my owner is within ten feet, i'll drop to my knees." So she will never be able to be out with you in public?

rubberlover, DarkSteven, on the other hand, knows his stuff and has the insider scoop, and his advice or suggestions are spot on.

You responded that "what I mean no sex does not mean I can't have sex. I just wish to emphasize that I am not looking for sex through being a sub/slave."
Without sex, and without being a satisfactory sexual partner, it is virtually impossible to enter into a committed relationship with a woman, any woman.
Dommes are women, not an exotic species of superhumanoids. We can get a no-strings-attached footrub AND a new pair of shoes from a foot fetishist almost any time we want, if we were so inclined.

If you are willing to be a non-sexual service sub, then why would anybody want to wait around for you to relocate to them? For a less-than-intimate relationship?
And how do you plan to support yourself in a foreign country where you may not be employable and there are no guarantees of citizenship? What Domme would agree to be your instant sponsor?
If the only Hong Kong Dommes nearby charge fees or require tribute, you might want to consider getting your foot in the door first. Befriend a pro, if you can, and see if she is willing to barter BDSM play for practical services and skills, not by offering to be just another piece of furniture, in effect.
It's worth a shot, and the only person holding you back from venturing forth is yourself.

All great points. Want to add, from experience, immigration is a BITCH. No such thing as an instant sponsor. I tried to immigrate my boytoy 13+ years ago legally through getting him a job here, a sponsor, whatever. I had the connections to do so. Met with an attorney. Unless you have a specialized career where there is demand in the US, getting sponsored is a real hassle. We went through ALL the available options for temporary work visa for a hardworking, college-educated canadian boy to come here legally so we could proceed with a courting process in the flesh and see where it took us.

Ultimately said fuck it and got married during his tourist VISA because we knew we were going to be together forever, but I would have enjoyed not being forced into that by immigration assholes. We're still happily married after 13 years and it was the right thing to do, there's no doubt, but we had to do it on an accelerated time table because there was no other way to keep him here legally.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to FieryOpal)

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Post #: 9

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/22/2014 4:19:52 PM

rubberloverhk

Posts: 21
Joined: 3/17/2008
From: Hong Kong
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Um. I read your profile.

1. You say that you're immediately available. Why? Don't you have a job and family to work with?
2. You say that you'll relocate anywhere in the world. And that's juxtaposed with you not wanting a finDomme, so I get the feeling you want the lady to pick up the ticket. I'd clarify who's going to pay for the ticket.
3. No sex with anyone? If that's due to a medical or psychological issue, I'd briefly mention that. Else, what the hell?
4. "When I become your slave, I will follow the following rules." No. If you're a slave, you DO NOT impose YOUR rules on the relationship. Especially
5. "Rule no.2 I am not allowed to make eye contact with anyone at anytime." Good luck getting a new job if you refuse to make eye contact in an interview, and
6. "Rule no.3 Whenever my owner is within ten feet, i'll drop to my knees." So she will never be able to be out with you in public?

I have a job but I can quit within one-month notice. A lot of working opportunites here, unemployment rate is around 2%, employers hunt for employees. And I have some savings after years of working. No problems. Yea, I live alone. No family concern. not want finDomme? what? No money
for tickets? It's indeed your 'feeling' only. I don't want finDomme. I meant
I don't want someone for $ but not for the lifestyle of domination. No sex means I am not expecting and don't want to confuse it with erotic feeling. I don't reach often. I will modify the profiel

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 10

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 7/22/2014 4:37:22 PM

rubberloverhk

Posts: 21
Joined: 3/17/2008
From: Hong Kong
Status: offline

Nevertheless, It looks like it's an unwelcome topic here. I am sorry. Let's stop here.

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Post #: 11

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 8/1/2014 1:37:00 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Rubberloverhk, you have gotten the wrong impression. The topic itself is not unwelcome.

We are critiquing your profile and your approach. The manner in which we do that, is actually very common among Westerners. If you take a look at our profiles, you'll notice that we are Westerners, and we think and act accordingly.

If our words and actions are rude in your culture, I apologize. They're not rude in ours.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to rubberloverhk)

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Post #: 12

RE: have been searching for female Dom for 6 years - 8/8/2014 3:44:11 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubberloverhk

I've been a member of collarme (and now collarspace) for 6 years and longer. I once miss the great chance of meeting a great female Dom around me and now she is back to the US. I am now very regretful and check the message every day. Yes, we are a lot, and real mistress is rare. It's hard to get someone take me because there are a lot of competitors. The worst is, English is not my native and I only use it online. I have just gone through my 30-year-old birthday and I am determined to have a lifestyle change and be loyal to myself. I don't want to be a workaholic and I don't want to walk a marriage life. I had a stable girl friend for many years but I recently broke with her and told her I had to leave her. I know I don't want this kind of life. After 30 years of life I have only started to know what I am looking for and what I do really want. I want to be a slave, I want to live as a slave for full time. I don't want to walk a normal life but with a twisted mind, but I want to walk a 'twisted' life with a peaceful mind. I am not good at English grammar LOL so hope you can understand my context.

(Looks like your English ain't so bad).

(in reply to rubberloverhk)

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Post #: 13