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subrosaDom -> RE: Kinky sex doesn't count as real sex? What? (7/29/2014 9:58:38 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
Since I cannot explain when kinky becomes kinky sex better than what's been done above, I just wanted to extend a note of empathy to those whose being outed cost them...
It cost me damn near half of my practice and almost cost me my daughters . It did cost me a few family members and some seem, if not uncomfortable, different when around me...
Would not wish it on anybody...
It is a shame that so many people have so little respect for privacy. Younger people often have no sense of privacy whatsoever, reality TV and whatnot (there are exceptions, of course).
For those who may have at some point to deal with being outed, either by a complete ass or by accidental discovery, I do have a recommendation. Remember that people form in their own minds a conception of what something means. For example, if they hear "bondage and domination," perhaps they think of whips, blood, abuse, pain, misogyny, etc. Obviously all things they would have gotten from popular culture including the conflation of reasonable things like whips and pain and unreasonable things like abuse and misogyny. Remember that the person who protests too much brings further attention upon themselves. So if you've been "abstractly outed," better to say (and I don't care if you actually are the world's biggest sadist or masochist), "oh, sure, we've played around with some spanking" -- devilish smile. And, you know, even a pair of handcuffs. Now you've reframed everything in their minds, from the worst possible case to something they've seen on TV all the time -- spanking and handcuffs. Let them believe that and nothing more. Of course, this won't work for everyone, but don't let what's in their mind or the fears in your mind force you to confess like you're being tortured at the Inquisition. Spanking and handcuffs -- and maybe some feathers -- will put this all to bed with most people.
Now if you've been fully outed, remember: Where's the evidence? The person who says you nail people to a St. Andrews Cross sounds like a 9/11 Truther if they rail on about that. Stick with spanking and handcuffs and absent hard evidence, you'll be believed and they won't be. They'll look like an idiot.
If all the evidence is out there, then you need a different approach. I think the best one is wiring. So, Joe, you like big tits don't you? Bill, you like round asses. Rob, you ... well you like other guys. Craig, you like BBWs. You know we're each turned on by different things. So this is how I'm wired, no idea why, but I'm fortunate I have a partner who's wired the same way. We're both happy, we both have a great time and that's it. It's head on confrontation and acknowledgement.
If you run into someone who regards you as evil, there isn't much you can do except to point out something about them that you strongly object to -- but then say, hey, you're an adult, it's your decision. I give you the same respect that I expect from you. If you can't deal with that, we're done. Most people will fold and acknowledge you're right.
95% of all "outings" are covered by what I said. There will, unfortunately, always be exceptions, the kind that CreativeDominant and PandoraFoxxx endured. My point is -- make your situation better, not worse. Be your own best friend and handle the situation like a pro and you'll more often than not be done with it.
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