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Focus50 -> RE: Maintaining Dominance (7/12/2006 3:59:45 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mastersayed
I forgot to mention that I visit her twice a month and I stay over for 3 or 4 days, her parents love me but we havent had the privacy to pratice BDSM. I cant move near her (cuz I have no money thanks to college) but she lives near my campus so we'll be close again when school starts. I'm not in fear of losing her, she is very devoted, but at the same time she can be a brat occasionally and I just want to constantly remind her that I own her.
Well that's not so bad compared to the average ldr where there can be months between r/l liasons.
What you need to avoid is getting into a situation where you feel you have to keep your sub "entertained" during your separation. A Dom is expected to lead but you can easily find yourself being slave to your own position of authority in your relationship. I've been caught in it before where you feel that, as the leader, you need to keep leading to justify your Dom status and you rack your brain thinking of ways to maintain the momentum. You touched on it in your OP when you
wrote, "I want to know how to keep reminding her that I own her"....
I'm not a big fan of giving assignments etc if they're artificial in nature, ie they have no real purpose beyond creating "busy work" for your sub. If, for eg, her typing skills aren't so good then fine, give her some writing tasks. If she's interested in a particular kink or fetish, or even if you are, then again, fine, get her researching it. But I wouldn't assign it just because I can or to justify my "Domliness".... And from a sub perspective, she'll appreciate it more if it's something you really want because it'll show in your body language once she's finished it - and that's hard to fake.
Be warned, mostly without realising it, subs can be very selfish and greedy with their submission. It's as though once they're owned, life is so much simpler because their only responsibility is to do as commanded so they look to you with expectant eyes. And it's mutual bliss when you're together or at least geographically close but it can become your own prison when r/l situations (such as your own) don't allow such freedom.
To your OP, she doesn't need more tasks, she needs a reality check of your current circumstances. You're the Dom, tell her the truth of how difficult D/s is at long distance (AND without suitable privacy when you're together) and work from there. You have the distinct advantage of being "connected and committed"" anyway and it sounds like you're in for the long haul together.... But with that reality, the one who leads also needs a plan for the future, so there can be opportunity for you *both* to express your D/s selves at a more fulfilling level.
You're mostly apart and lack allround privacy when together - that's REAL. Creating busy work isn't a plan and when she gets tired of it (and she will), she'll be looking to you soon enough (where you'll get tired of it) = both of you unhappy and disillusioned with D/s. Be close and caring and share what you do have - too many D/s couples aren't so committed beyond the kink as you seem to be. Build from there....
Focus.
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