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RE: Submission and Love - 10/20/2014 1:43:18 AM

Born2BBound72

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/16/2014
Status: offline

I think being in love would make me even more submissive. I want love in my love and I want to be complete and total servant. I don't want to have to sacrifice one for the other, and I don't want one man to love and one man to serve. I would love to serve the man who wins my heart

(in reply to smileforme50)

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Post #: 21

RE: Submission and Love - 10/20/2014 1:47:14 AM

Born2BBound72

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/16/2014
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quote:

Hmmmmm. Perhaps her previous Doms told her that D/s should not involve love, so they could avoid giving any commitment.

@DarkSteven I've had Doms tell me that I was vanilla because I wanted a loving D/s relationship. I think that there is no cookie cutter model for D/s relationships. I worry more would a Master be able to still be sadistic toward a woman he loved. The more I love a man, the more of his demands, his tortures, his pain I'm willing to take.

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RE: Submission and Love - 10/20/2014 2:07:16 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MojoDaddyMarine

Have any of you felt that you can not submit to someone they are in love with, or that they find it difficult when there is love in the dynamic? Just curious if this is a common mental aspect of submission. My sub started a relationship and then later became D/s with great hesitation on her part. She had told me that she had never loved or had any emotional attachment to any of her previous Doms

I never loved any before my current and saw it as weakness to even consider it. In certain circles any emotion is considered a loss of control, and if you give up that power it will be used against you. A lot of "doms" think it's their job to trick the sub into loving them so they can use it against them... the common "you could love me but I could never love you" mantra. I think the goal is to try to make everyone as miserable as them, so they tend to be the funnest guys to laugh at. But in the end it's not submission, it's a battle, a contest of will. You see who breaks first. I think you need love to submit, only when you love something do you give of yourself. But yes it is common especially with the more militaristic training styles.

(in reply to MojoDaddyMarine)

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RE: Submission and Love - 10/20/2014 2:17:55 AM

flutterby55

Posts: 31
Joined: 5/17/2014
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I expect a Dom to love me enough to give good aftercare and I in return will love him enough to allow him to lead and discipline me.

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RE: Submission and Love - 10/20/2014 7:54:26 AM

SweetnStormySub

Posts: 74
Joined: 4/21/2012
From: Buckeye State
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Born2BBound72

quote:

Hmmmmm. Perhaps her previous Doms told her that D/s should not involve love, so they could avoid giving any commitment.

@DarkSteven I've had Doms tell me that I was vanilla because I wanted a loving D/s relationship. I think that there is no cookie cutter model for D/s relationships. I worry more would a Master be able to still be sadistic toward a woman he loved. The more I love a man, the more of his demands, his tortures, his pain I'm willing to take.

I don't believe I could add much clarity to your post, Born2B. It perfectly expresses my feelings and experience. I had the privilege and honor of being collared for several years to One I loved in both the lifestyle and vanilla realms. He didn't have an issue with being sadistic, but it became a loving sadism, for lack of a better phrase. Personally, I am monogamous and will not play without an emotional connection. It doesn't work for me otherwise, and it feels like I'm settling for a poor imitation of what I know I want.

(in reply to Born2BBound72)

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RE: Submission and Love - 10/20/2014 9:19:06 PM

Born2BBound72

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/16/2014
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@SweetnStormysub that is how I feel. I want to love everything that comes from him, because I love him. Even the harsh things become a joy when you love someone. I don't understand why someone would want to be served and without being loved. I guess to each his own. I don't really have the energy to figure it out. I know what my desired outcome is, and I put my energy into achieving that.

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RE: Submission and Love - 10/20/2014 9:22:49 PM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MojoDaddyMarine

Have any of you felt that you can not submit to someone they are in love with, or that they find it difficult when there is love in the dynamic? Just curious if this is a common mental aspect of submission. My sub started a relationship and then later became D/s with great hesitation on her part. She had told me that she had never loved or had any emotional attachment to any of her previous Doms

This comes from the other angle... but I did find it difficult at first to Dominate my sub, as I love her. Especially to inflict the kind of pain she wanted. Eventually, as we grew closer and closer, I understood the value of our dynamic to our relationship, and how that dynamic expressed love between us, and it became much much easier to cane her ;-)

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RE: Submission and Love - 10/21/2014 4:11:41 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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For me it's the opposite. If I don't have feelings for someone then I am not going to be in a relationship with them and won't be submitting to them. Now if I am just bottoming then I don't have to love them but I do have to like them a lot and trust them.

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Post #: 28