njlauren
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Joined: 10/1/2011
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CobaltRose
quote:
ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1
quote:
ORIGINAL: CobaltRose
.....I AM female....
I know I'm going to get lambasted for this, but....
I hate to burst your bubble, but you aren't a female.
While I am pleased to hear you find your 'true gender' as you put it, you aren't a true female.
Transgender, yes.
People were criticizing your opening post; there's no need to go off on one because you didn't like some of the responses.
No, it wasnt anyone posting here it was about someone who said i was not a trans and said i just was a man with a fetish.
Cobalt-
I would say to that person that they have no way of knowing what you are, saying someone is a fetishistic crossdresser bsed on what they read on a forum on the net is as bad as the idiots who tell someone else "of course you are trans'..the net is a great thing in many ways, but it also is full of a lot of people, some well meaning, some not, telling others as if they know what they are.
Using that as a starting point, I am going to say something you might think is being nasty, but read all my words before getting your back up (if you do). I am going to tell you right now that you aren't trans; no, I don't think you are a fetishistic crossdresser, I don't think you are depressed, I don't think this is a phase, I don't think at this point you can be labelled as anything. I think the person who said you were a fetishist read your early posts, where you talked about being some sort of submissive sex slave to men or something along those lines, which does sound very much like something fetishists write (note, I am not saying you are, simply explaining them). The person who wrote you that has no way of knowing what you are. A fair number of trans girls start out thinking they are crossdressers and something kicks in that tells them maybe it is more than that, some people go through their 30's then suddenly all hell breaks loose, and they realize what they have buried, everyone is different, and no one can diagnose you.
The reason I am saying you aren't trans isn't me diagnosing you, even a therapist can't do that (surprised? Don't be...figuring out what you are takes a therapist working with you, to help you find what you are. A therapist who tells a patient they are transgender shouldn't be working with them IMO, because it is a process of self discovery).
I am not writing this to hurt you or discourage you, what I am trying to do is get you to realize that right now, you shouldn't be trying to label yourself like that, it is putting the cart before the horse. Even for people who think they know what they were from an early age go through a process of acceptance, and for most people there is a time when they aren't entirely certain, and usually certain quite frankly comes from exploring who you are, actually getting out and doing things. You can't do it up in your head, which is pretty much where you are, up in your head, you are deciding who you are based on what you are reading on the net, probably what others are telling you, and trying to figure it out that way, and sweetie, it doesn't work, take it from me. What you have right now to me is an inkling of what you might be, and it is a place to start..but getting to knowing where you are is a process, that has to include really doing, there is no avoiding it. Saying you are trans but doing nothing but posting on the net and chatting and whatever means very little, the process of transition starts with exploration to figure out what you are and really need and you won't find it thinking about it, reading about it, because quite honestly, there is a lot of shit that can be confused with being trans. I have seen people in deep depressions who grasped onto the trans identity as a means of pulling themselves out (and therapists agreed, I wouldn't say that unless it was backed up), I have seen people who had been abused and saw transitioning (prob subconcsiously) as being a way of running away from themselves, there are a lot of things that can confuse it, that unless you work it, you cannot find out. Note this is not me saying you cannot be transgender, I am saying at this point you should be saying "I really think I may be transgender, I really feel like this may be me" then doing the work to explore it. To be honest, saying you are a woman, transgender or not, is going to get people raising eyebrows, because in a sense that categorization is earned, by people who have faced a ton of obstacles, including themselves doubting themselves, they have faced fears, they have learned what it is to be a woman in society (and it still isn't easy; as a guy, it can be very easy to walk down a street at night and not think of the danger; as a woman, believe me, you do it all the time).......the prime reason I am telling you to be careful of labeling yourself, is that you may find this isn't who you are, and face a big emotional letdown because in a sense you have set yourself up. People who have been through this all say the same thing, it is a process, and while that process varies from person to person (some people it takes a long time, others jump into it as soon as they can say see ya to the place they grew up in), but it is a process, it takes time, and it isn't the HRT or electro or whatever, it is in finding yourself, finding exactly who you are and what you need, and that happens by living into it, in a series of steps, small or large.
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RE: To All Non-Op MtFs, You Are Not Alone. - 
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