FieryOpal
Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
This would constitute masochistic behaviour, according to the medical definition of masochism.
It's a common oversimplification that masochism is solely about deriving physical pleasure from pain. In fact masochism is defined as wanting to be made to suffer, it makes no difference whether they physically enjoy that suffering or not. Those who seek out relationships where they know they will be spanked or restrained even though they (say they) may not like it are just as 'masochistic' as a self-labelled pain slut, because they are choosing to be in a relationship where they are 'made to suffer'.
By definition, the only way that non-masochistic submission is even possible (semantically and by definition) is if the submissive suffers not at all in the course of the relationship, and if any suffering is rejected and avoided as unwanted. If the submissive is even required to perform service that they find unpleasant, this would constitute being made to suffer.
Once one has a proper understanding of masochism, it becomes clear why it is so difficult to disentangle submission from masochism. It would either be necessary for a submissive to do whatever they want (and for what they want to avoid any suffering) or for them to find everything that they are compelled to do to be pleasurable in every sense. As soon as they are compelled to do something that makes them suffer, and as long as they prefer such a relationship, then it is, by definition, a masochistic relationship.
I see a great many submissives who struggle to articulate their needs. They know that they find pain unpleasurable and do not take gratification from it, but they specifically seek out partners who are likely to inflict pain and they may even request pain from their partners. Yet if asked, they will tell you that they do not like pain and are not masochistic. If a person simply wished to be controlled, in a vanilla sense, from someone who did not engage in s&m at all then there are literally millions of partners they could choose from. If a person is choosing to be in a relationship where suffering is likely or requested then it is, by definition, a masochistic relationship, regardless of whether they 'enjoy pain' or not.
I hear what you're saying, and I have been puzzled by seeming disconnects in what I've been told by others in comparison with what I've heard in these selfsame others' first-hand accounts. As a lifelong seeker of the unvarnished truth, I would rather proceed with eyes wide open, than stumble around in the dark in a state of denial. The bulk of what you've explained in concert with what I've read here and there (I've not made an intensive study of BDSM per se) supports the position that many of us have a sado-masochistic streak of which we are not fully aware. There's still that hold-out corner in my mind that doesn't want to budge, and I believe it has to do with my self-image. My self-image tells me that I am not a sadist.  However, that's a private issue for me to reconcile with and to integrate within myself.
It was not long ago I was told by a friend that the fact that I use nipple clamps (not to mention a riding crop, but primarily for directional guiding purposes) makes me sadistic. Naturally, I had my own explanation for minimizing why I choose to engage in this activity, how I consider that and light spanking, hair-pulling (tugging, not yanking), and having my sub beg (pro-actively, not tearfully or with aversion) to be erotic and not motivated out of sadistic intent, etc.
This is by no means prototypical, but in terms of humiliation, which I normally would state I'm not into (it's a Tolerates or falls into my Neutral Zone), the mental sado-masochistic component is undeniable. My late husband was into humiliation, more so the psycho-sexual mental aspect of it. When I later read up a bit on chastity and cuckolding, I noted that with cuckolding the element of Mental Torment and Sexual Torment entered into the picture as an integral elemental dynamic. This helped me to understand why my husband had been fixated on wanting to be cuckolded, an issue which had always been a sore point with us since I am a one-man woman and had no desire to fuck other men, engage in threesomes, or to play silly-arse getting-ready-to-go-out-on-my-cuckolding-date games. 
My first sub after him wanted to be humiliated with a couple of kinky physical acts, and wasn't so much into the verbal name-calling and mental aspect of it (beyond mentally fantasizing). Whereas my second sub was completely pain-averse, not into humiliation & punishment dynamics whatsoever; he was more of a playful, fun-loving hedonist. I found this to be refreshing, and decided that I preferred this to what I had experienced in the past. Not only that, but the D/s relationship dynamic was better, of a higher quality and devoid of power struggles.
_____________________________
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau
|
RE: Sexual Interests - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread