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Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 8/25/2014 6:28:08 AM   
Dave123123


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/16/2013
Status: offline 		I am curious what would typically trigger your attention when someone contacts you on this site with an introductory message. Yes, I understand there are a lot of fakes, wannabies, liars etc. But what would make you gasp, "I WANT to talk to this guy!"

Thanks,

Dave
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 8/25/2014 9:27:53 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		There have been a few subs & switches who have commented upon my photo gallery shots and/or my Journal Entry, which is always nice for them to have enough sense to send me a personalized message. I always make sure to thank them for taking the time to be observant, or to answer their question if applicable, which is usually about something contained in my profile text.

(I have to admit, though, that there is a particular kind of attention to detail or combination of items I'm still waiting for somebody to notice and to contact me about, but that hasn't occurred yet. )

It's always better to take the time to do your homework and show that you made an effort to be (non-sexually) conversational and treat the intended recipient as an individual, rather than spamming every female user on this site with an unimpressive boiler-plated form letter which won't stack the odds in the messager's favor. Sub males need to keep in mind that there aren't so many Dommes around or on this entire site that they can afford to waste an opportunity to catch one's attention by neglecting to take a thoughtful approach.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 8/25/2014 9:30:44 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Dave123123)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 8/25/2014 9:29:33 AM   
aphrodite5


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline 		Good manners, intelligence, and expressed interest in just getting to know each other aside from sex/kink/BDSM. I respond to most of the messages I get -- I'm lucky enough not to be overwhelmed. But most of them are two lines, focused on their own kinky desire. Blah. Give me a well-spoken, confident sub who wants to make a genuine connection even if it's just a friendship.

(in reply to Dave123123)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 8/26/2014 2:36:18 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		The sub should demonstrate that he has an interest in ME, and wants to talk to me, rather than get involved with any female who is inclined to message back. Not to say that he can't be interested in more than one person, but if he's just playing the numbers, I know I won't be missed.

(in reply to aphrodite5)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 8/30/2014 1:37:48 PM   
missbrownjinx


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/11/2014
Status: offline 		Respect.

Attention to detail - that is, details about ME, what I wrote in my profile, my interests etc.

A sense of loyalty and/or stick-to-it-ness. If you are copy and paste messaging me and 100 other dommes, don't think I won't figure it out.

This probably fits under respect but an understanding that BDSM and this site is not my whole life. I've had 'subs' who got pissed off when I didn't reply the same day. I am a woman of many interests and real-life demands. You are NOT my priority unless and until I make you into it.

Photos actually of yourself and not 5 different mistress memes or pics of random men or their knees. Considering the amount of fakes out there, I will definitely give you a pass.

Definitely a message longer than a line. No effort = No reward.

Make your first message different and interesting. Think about it like a job interview. If I have 300 resumes, I ain't going to give you the benefit of the doubt while flicking through the pile. You must have keywords that I'm interested in.

(in reply to RockaRolla)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/3/2014 6:49:46 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		,

< Message edited by imtempting -- 9/3/2014 6:57:56 AM >

(in reply to missbrownjinx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/3/2014 5:17:32 PM   
StrictlyADomina


Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline 		Everything stated above ^^ and especially those comments by aphrodite5. I'm interested in a guy who I can proudly be seen introducing my friends too. If your profile, e-mail and behavior don't make that standard, I'm not interested. I'm a woman first and foremost and the D/s is second.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/4/2014 2:33:21 PM   
missalphasubtoy


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/18/2014
Status: offline 		The question is: who is the person behind the profile. I might be in a different position in that for me, vanilla compatibility is 95% of it. I need someone I can talk to, since I am looking for a partner. Don't be generic. I just told someone: there are 200 of you, how can I tell you apart from anyone else? What makes you different from all the other subs? What's your story? The bottom line is I am seeking COMPATIBILITY. A lot of men seem to forget women want romance. If i wanted no-strings I'd be a pro-domme.

(in reply to StrictlyADomina)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/4/2014 9:57:40 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missalphasubtoy

A lot of men seem to forget women want romance. If i wanted no-strings I'd be a pro-domme.

It's not that they forgot -- they don't know how to romance a woman in the first place, whether it's a vanilla or a Dominant woman, if their lives depended upon it.
As a matter of fact the term dating site is an oxymoron...littered with moronic males (not every male, but in the majority) of all ages who seem to be a bunch of clowns who came out of a traveling circus act.

The young dudes in their 20's & 30's leave inept messages like, Wanna hang out some time? Hang out? I haven't hung out since I was a teenager. That's if the message is longer than "Hi." They have no business contacting me, if they had bothered to read my profile or checked out my specified age range. I'm not their next MILF.

The ones who are middle-aged like I am seem to all be suffering from a mid-life crisis where they are the Goddess's gift of cunnilingus & anilingus to every woman on this planet, as if they just now crawled out from under a rock.

Then the old dudes...you'd think they'd have some game but, sadly, no game to be had. This is my standard meme to them: Would you consider a Domme who was 6/8/10/12/15 years older than you are? I think not. Yeah, age is just a number (to the babes in the woods also), and that number needs to be contained in the general vicinity of my age range.

I have a confession to make. I made a BIG blunder. Actually two. The first was in making THE exception to my rule which led to the blunder; the blunder itself was in initiating contact with the man. Gals, never never never do that. Never. Did I mention already that a woman should NEVER do this? He will immediately delude himself into thinking that he has the upper hand, and he won't let you live it down that it was YOU who contacted HIM first, and therefore...WTF is your point, exactly, dude in constantly reminding me of this?... Oh, that's right. It means that now everything has to be about you, and what about you, and your laundry list of kinks & fetishes, and yada yada yada....

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to missalphasubtoy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/6/2014 12:17:24 PM   
xxxo


Posts: 7
Status: offline 		Good looks and a genuine appreciation of me. Someone who actually read my profile and understands when I say "hot guys only" I mean *only* hot guys. Not guys who look like they sit at a desk 24/7, but people who actually put some effort into maintaining their bodies.

(in reply to Dave123123)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/12/2014 2:51:37 PM   
IvyGoddess


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/7/2014
Status: offline 		I'm a bit late to this thread, but in general I can't help but agree so much with all of the above-- though since I'm new to the site, I've been giving one-liners a chance, and some of them actually turn out to take more time in their fellow-up messages to explain what it is they are looking for, how our interests align, etc. In general though, I definitely want someone who is respectful, NOT looking for a pro domme, and ISN'T an impatient little shit.

Have you ladies noticed how many subs/slaves are so desperate and needy and whiny such that if you read their message but don't respond immediately, they will send you 5 follow-up messages? It reeks of desperation or of simply being either poorly trained or completely untrained. Ugh.

(in reply to xxxo)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/12/2014 3:44:22 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		to the Message Boards. It's nice to have you join us here.
quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyGoddess

Have you ladies noticed how many subs/slaves are so desperate and needy and whiny such that if you read their message but don't respond immediately, they will send you 5 follow-up messages? It reeks of desperation or of simply being either poorly trained or completely untrained. Ugh.

Not only does it reek of desperation and pathological neediness, but it's a giveaway that this man has no experience with D/s and is probably in a kink&fetish-driven frenzy for BDSM Insta-Domming.

There was one male "slave" who sent 4 messages in a row pleading for me to give him a chance when I hadn't had time to reply to his first message within 48 hours. (He didn't fit my criteria, so his message wasn't a priority.) The response he did get from me is that he needed to develop patience and self-control, and that his desperation would squelch any chances he did have of attracting a Domme's attention.

Of course, this is nothing compared to the "sub" who sent me 21 messages within 24 hours (19 of them were within a few hours) a couple weeks ago. What disturbed me was how he was tracking my log times and forum posts (separate log ins/outs), making remarks such as "I see you are on here a lot and missed you two hours ago." Creepy stalkerish vibe. After blocking him, I pulled up his initial contact message. It was actually quite appealing and conversational, comparing one of my gallery pics to another artist's style. Had he not had his meltdown, he would have gotten a friendly response from me within another day or so.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to IvyGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/13/2014 10:43:30 AM   
IvyGoddess


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/7/2014
Status: offline 		@FieryOpal

Oh my god, 21 messages within 24 hours-- that is insane! And the stalkerish behavior is super scary and squickish... I get a lot of the kind of guys who will send me up to 5-10 messages within a 48 hour period if I don't respond to them immediately, but I haven't so far gotten someone quite like that. Hopefully it never happens. So sorry that you had to put up with that kind of shit.

It's really quite frustrating that there are so many assholes out there who are only on here because they discovered femdom porn and got a hard-on and decided they wanted to "try" submitting for a "worthy" Domme... As though we're a fad or something they can just "try on" for size.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/22/2014 4:10:34 PM   
MistressRage


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate New York
Status: offline 		If I were looking for a personal slave here is what would catch my attention:

I am interested when he is handsome, genuine, within my general geographical region, and has a personality that meshes with mine. He expresses interest in serving me in the ways I wish to be served, and not just playing BDSM. He is intelligent, capable, successful in his own right, and has his act together. He is courteous to all women, not just me.

(in reply to Dave123123)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/25/2014 6:45:23 PM   
Misspuppygirl


Posts: 17
Joined: 9/21/2014
From: Pennsylvania, USA
Status: offline 		I usually make ridiculous requests for HUGE essays and tell them that they have passed inspection and proceed to online domination

(in reply to MistressRage)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/25/2014 7:40:18 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Misspuppygirl

I usually make ridiculous requests for HUGE essays and tell them that they have passed inspection and proceed to online domination


Does it ever occur to them that by writing the essay they've already been Dominated?

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Misspuppygirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/25/2014 11:08:02 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

I'm looking for a short, concise email. It has to show that the sender knows what I'm talking about in my profile/ad and that he is interested in the topic at hand. (My profile is quite specific). He also has to be local to me or willing to travel to meet me in a very short time. I am not interested in dilly-dallying around online. The first meeting will show if there is chemistry and for me this is very important. Next to the knowing what my profile is talking about, chemistry is the make or break deal so there is no sense getting all involved if that isn't there.

As others have already stated, comporting himself with confidence is a must. He has to be a real person with real life experience and knowledge. I know what I'm bringing to the table and he should recognize his worth as well. After all, why would I want someone who thinks he's worth nothing? What that means is that I'm getting ... nothing. Not interested.

Hope this helps,
Wickad

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 9/26/2014 2:51:14 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyGoddess

Have you ladies noticed how many subs/slaves are so desperate and needy and whiny such that if you read their message but don't respond immediately, they will send you 5 follow-up messages? It reeks of desperation or of simply being either poorly trained or completely untrained. Ugh.


Thank you gawd, you are so preaching to the choir here.
sub; "can we chat on the phone? Here's my #" (after two emails)
Me; "we can chat on yahoo messenger, here's my handle (insert handle here)."
sub; "I don't have yahoo messenger, can we please text?"
Me; "no, we can chat on yahoo."
sub; "please, can we ichat, itext, facetime, irdummy?"
Me; "no, but best of luck to you, goodbye." *blocks*

Or scenario 2
sub; "hi all powerful, mighty, omnipresent, omniscient, amazing, spectacular, with a knick knack paddy whack give a dog a bone Goddess, I know I have to write you a more detailed letter, I will do so later."
me; *previews email without opening and blinks while thinking...what the..."*
sub 5 mins later; "Goddess, I notice you didn't read me email, I am so extreme and willing to do *list of disgusting things* for your sake, I am the greatest sub you will ever have." (longer more detailed letter never comes after all the insanity)
Me; *blocks*


_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to IvyGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 10/3/2014 11:59:25 PM   
MsKristin


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/1/2014
Status: offline 		The factors I use when replying to a message are whether they are starting an actual conversation with me. Most emails are generic (sent to all women) and have nothing to do with me personally. Also, spelling out what they want to "let" me do to them in the first email is ridiculous. Any one who offers themselves up to a complete stranger strikes me as having a fundamental misunderstanding of the lifestyle that I practice. If someone approaches me with an actual topic of conversation not based on their kinks, I'm much more likely to respond.

In terms of picking someone after I've met them - I picked my boy because of his attitude. He didn't ask me out or email me, I approached him. I like it that way.

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Key factors in choosing a sub or slave - 10/4/2014 7:12:46 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		I have to add a major issue with many submissives is receiving criticism. This is the foundational part of a D/s relationship in making it work favorably for the D.
It can be something minor like "you didn't pull out the chair for me". Or a sub complaining about driving an extra 20 mins racking my nerves. If you can't realize your short comings then what is the point of it all? If I or any other D has criticism, it's not to make you insecure, it's to say "you were great everywhere but this needs improvement." Sometimes I'll do it in a compliment sandwich, sometimes not but I feel honesty on both sides goes a long way. A dishonest D or s will never find the "perfect dynamic".

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to MsKristin)
Profile   Post #: 20
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