LadiesBladewing
Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
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It sounds to me like the question you're asking isn't "how important is structure in a D/s relationship -in general-" but "how important do you think that structure is in -this- relationship that I'm describing."
We would consider taking on a servant for training under these circumstances, but I'll be honest -- there would -have- to be structures in place. There would have to be a formal contract, addressing each of the points we were working on, and we would have to go over it before we started working with the person, to make sure xhe understood the parameters. There would also be structure in place in the training process. The reason being that sometimes, in order to gain control of oneself, one must first experience that control is a -good- thing, by voluntarily succumbing to control placed by someone else.
If this person is struggling with impulse control, and wants to learn how to make better decisions, one of the best ways to do that is to live within a structure that teaches the process of making good decisions. The person may choose not to abide by the structure, in which case we would return to the contract, re-confirm the goals -- for an individual who has avoided structure for 30 years, there is bound to be some resistance to accepting a more structured life.
Over time, you may find that this person will need progressively less structure, or will be able to create functional structures on his own to regulate his progress, but in the beginning, should he agree to take this step with you, part of what it sounds like you are going to be doing is providing him with "willpower" -- an external force of will that can contain his tendency to act impulsively, to his own detriment.
One major caution that I would offer, dominant individual to dominant individual, is to make sure that your structures support him developing a strong and healthy will of his own -- if you shatter his will, and destroy his initiative, you will not have improved the situation, and run the risk of creating a dependent, ineffectual decision-maker with no drive or ambition to take responsibility for his own actions -- the polar end of what you are conceivably considering working on with him now.
ZWD
quote:
ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM
Well, the question is....is the sub seeking impulse control? He really wants the necessary and stringent training to be a better lover , among other things (he may not necessarily want to shut the impulse stuff out of his life). Would it even work if he didn't get a grip on that first? Would it be necessary for him to deal with his impulse stuff if he is getting the training he wants and needs? These are all questions that should be and will be asked before signing any contract.
We are planning to meet at some point in the future and have an intense, frank discussion about what all this will mean. Each will bring our own questions to the table and expect nothing upon arrival. I am, by no means, approaching this blind and uneducated. I care too much about him to take him down a path (by his choice too) that will lead nowhere or could be harmful. We both have a very strong desire to experience the D/s lifestyle together, even if only for a short time.
_____________________________
"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave
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RE: how important is structure? - 
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. You are however, one of the few that have ever made the Dom reference with my ID....you also inspired my new tagline....LOL 
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