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What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/28/2014 1:02:07 PM

RopeNChainVA

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/27/2014
Status: offline

I've been around the block a few times and was away from this site and the lifestyle while taking a personal sabbatical. I have returned and am thirsty. I am I guess what they call middle-age yet my yoga practice and competing in endurance races keeps much more fit and lean than other men my age I observe. As the name suggests, I enjoy rope and chain bondage along with mild to a little heavier sadistic things (giving not receiving.) I tend toward the Master/slave dynamic of relationships and protocols and adhere to the teachings of LT Morrisson's trilogy, Devil in the Details, if that gives you any insight.

So what's a Dom gotta do to establish contact and conversation with a slave on here? I am respectful, honest, and communicate well using more than one liners and the dreaded "on your knees bitch" which I find moderately humorous and very insulting to those who are unfortunate enough to receive those types of messages.

Tell me, what do propspective slaves what to read in a first message from a Dom?

Post #: 1

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/28/2014 1:25:09 PM

PonyGroom

Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline

I have a friend who might be looking for you.

She lives in rural Virginia.

That's an interesting balance you put into a few sentences. One of the things I think reading that would do for her is prompt curiosity. This is a very good thing.

You are dead right that "on your knees" is a dead end. This isn't an online game for her. She doesn't play and won't "cyber".

She might meet you at a munch. I don't think the two of you will know if you have chemistry and continuing interest until you try to get to know each other face to face. You can find a couple of munches that might work on www.findamunch.com. That site is the latest iteration of a munch compilation that has been on Yahoo Groups and elsewhere; it's larger now than ever and most links will lead to active groups. You might also consider attending MaST meetings. While MaST is definitely NOT a matchmaking venue, it won't hurt you to meet people who share your interests.

Her schedule is wacky. Isn't everybody's these days? But you have to find time, or, you can't get started.

LTRs happen between people who share values and views and want to build an LTR. Kink stuff is part of that, and often not even the core of what they share. In your case, there is an exception that is not an exception: service.

Some people express love as acts of service. If you feel loved when you are served, you are better matched with someone who enjoys expressing love that way. It's a core thing, hard to change, and tends to drive partner selection.

Best of luck to you in your search.

(in reply to RopeNChainVA)

Post #: 2

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/28/2014 1:56:18 PM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline

I'm taken so not looking but if I were looking, you have nothing written in your profile. If I received a message from a Dom, the first thing i would do is check out his profile. If he didn't have a profile written, I would turn away. I want to know something non-sexual, non-kinky about you, your vanilla interests, hobbies, what you like to do in your down time to see if we have things in common. Also what kind of relationship you're looking for, monogamous, poly, casual, long term, play partner, etc.

With a first message, I would look for how much attention he paid to my profile, what my interests and hobbies are, what I like to do in my down time and if there are things I'm interested in that he's also interested in, strike up a conversation about the things we have in common.

Being compatible sexually and with kinks are very important to me in a relationship but it takes more than sex and kinks to make a relationship work and keep it going strong so I would need to know more than what your kinks are.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to RopeNChainVA)

Post #: 3

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/28/2014 2:25:45 PM

Moderator3

Posts: 3289
Status: offline

I'm going to give a bit of a warning before I move this thread in case someone is typing out a response. Please hold off on your answers until it is moved to another area.

(in reply to InHisHeart)

Post #: 4

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/28/2014 2:43:51 PM

Moderator3

Posts: 3289
Status: offline

This thread was moved from Introductions so that the question asked could be answered, per guidelines in Introductions.

(in reply to Moderator3)

Post #: 5

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/28/2014 3:33:07 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

What does a man have to do to meet a woman? Have you figured that out yet? If so, try that.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to RopeNChainVA)

Post #: 6

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/28/2014 3:54:01 PM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RopeNChainVA
So what's a Dom gotta do to establish contact and conversation with a slave on here?

Simple: treat them as women first and foremost, kink second... just like any 'nilla date.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to RopeNChainVA)

Post #: 7

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 7:45:06 AM

RopeNChainVA

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/27/2014
Status: offline

I completely agree about the "naked" profile. I had robust profile on CM and only this week discovered that CS existed sans my old profile. I just havent' had time to update the new one. I do thank you for your thoughtful response. I do appreciate the effort and time on your part.
Thank you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

I'm taken so not looking but if I were looking, you have nothing written in your profile. If I received a message from a Dom, the first thing i would do is check out his profile. If he didn't have a profile written, I would turn away. I want to know something non-sexual, non-kinky about you, your vanilla interests, hobbies, what you like to do in your down time to see if we have things in common. Also what kind of relationship you're looking for, monogamous, poly, casual, long term, play partner, etc.

With a first message, I would look for how much attention he paid to my profile, what my interests and hobbies are, what I like to do in my down time and if there are things I'm interested in that he's also interested in, strike up a conversation about the things we have in common.

Being compatible sexually and with kinks are very important to me in a relationship but it takes more than sex and kinks to make a relationship work and keep it going strong so I would need to know more than what your kinks are.

(in reply to InHisHeart)

Post #: 8

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 7:46:51 AM

RopeNChainVA

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/27/2014
Status: offline

Thank you Moderator. It was my intention to use this as an introduction and not so much of a question. I do see how I erred.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3

I'm going to give a bit of a warning before I move this thread in case someone is typing out a response. Please hold off on your answers until it is moved to another area.

(in reply to Moderator3)

Post #: 9

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 8:10:44 AM

AKinkCounselor

Posts: 53
Joined: 8/12/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: RopeNChainVA
So what's a Dom gotta do to establish contact and conversation with a slave on here?

Simple: treat them as women first and foremost, kink second... just like any 'nilla date.

I think that is pretty much it! Be human, talk to people like people.

Personally as far as a first message goes, I tend to read their profile and respond to things that interest me (admittedly, occasionally I'll respond with a facetious comment, that possibly misses the mark!) At that stage I don't really care what is in their list of likes / dislikes

I'm not trying to take somebody into service! I'm merely interested about some aspect of their personality / profile.

Look towards making friends, long long before you have thoughts about more.

And maybe let some of your personality out on the boards, in the hope of catching some attention.

ETA

And also, if you're talking about sending messages, expect a high rejection rate, the girls here get a LOT of messages, there's a LOT of fakes, and people who are here for different reasons than actual meeting - so a lot of messages will miss the mark. (I've got a Monty Python 'don't be down 'arted' in my ear now)

Don't send war and peace! just something long enough to show you've put some consideration into it, leave it giving her a reason to reply.

The rest is in the lap of the gods...

< Message edited by AKinkCounselor -- 8/29/2014 8:19:48 AM >

_____________________________

While in the real world I give advice, this is not that.

These are my opinions (and half thoughts) opinions that I have worked hard to form. They are mine. You shouldn't trust them, you should get your own.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 10

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 8:49:08 AM

RopeNChainVA

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/27/2014
Status: offline

I always do which is why I posted the question. I was thinking I was doing it wrong that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: RopeNChainVA
So what's a Dom gotta do to establish contact and conversation with a slave on here?

Simple: treat them as women first and foremost, kink second... just like any 'nilla date.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 11

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 8:51:03 AM

RopeNChainVA

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/27/2014
Status: offline

Fortunately I figured that out a long time ago. I have no problems meeting women and getting their interest in person and in the vanilla world. I have yet to translate that to the online environment and in this lifestyle.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

What does a man have to do to meet a woman? Have you figured that out yet? If so, try that.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 12

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 9:20:58 AM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

No longer looking, but here are my thoughts:

-You have no picture. While there are many reasons why someone wouldn't post one, most of them boil down to "I don't want my wife to know" and I'm immediately suspicious of anyone for that reason.

-You've filled out your profile a bit, which is good. And it's a good 'about me' section. I'd focus next on the fetishes part, even if it's just to add a few. Also a little bit about what kind of person you're looking for. Surely it goes deeper than "anyone interested in me?" Generally I'd suggest filling out one's profile as much as possible, putting something in every section, because it shows more effort.

-Have some patience. You've just said that you haven't been at this in a while. It's going to take time, especially if you're looking for a slave.

< Message edited by RockaRolla -- 8/29/2014 9:21:16 AM >

(in reply to RopeNChainVA)

Post #: 13

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 1:59:53 PM

CountDrackula

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/19/2014
Status: offline

I am vast and timeless, and with many cats and a love of muffin and cheap chardonnay:0 my words are my words no matter the site..so few of us stand our ground we are often swept away by the opposite such are their numbers and formations of alternate reality groups

there are a handful of people with no pictures who are equally as real there are more with other peoples pictures...not real

i focus on people with a provable reality..the rest disgust me and ruin lives i would trash seven bells out of them with my toaster and seven bells dripping in peckish piranhas so they no longer slobber nonsense to the few who are indeed honest and genuine

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 14

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 2:07:11 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CountDrackula

there are a handful of people with no pictures who are equally as real there are more with other peoples pictures...not real

i focus on people with a provable reality..the rest disgust me and ruin lives i would trash seven bells out of them with my toaster and seven bells dripping in peckish piranhas so they no longer slobber nonsense to the few who are indeed honest and genuine

Somewhere in that boiling cup of nonsense I read an assertion that no/fake pictures don't necessarily lead to a fake profile. And you're right. But after dealing with more than my share of domineering bastards who were really hiding from their wives and became hostile at the slightest challenge, I'm tired of dealing with it. I want someone who is straightforward and feels no need to hide themselves, and can take other measures to improve their security.

Naturally, this is a subjective topic so I'm only able to give my suggestions to the OP.

(in reply to CountDrackula)

Post #: 15

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 2:57:03 PM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

quote:

ORIGINAL: CountDrackula

there are a handful of people with no pictures who are equally as real there are more with other peoples pictures...not real

i focus on people with a provable reality..the rest disgust me and ruin lives i would trash seven bells out of them with my toaster and seven bells dripping in peckish piranhas so they no longer slobber nonsense to the few who are indeed honest and genuine

Somewhere in that boiling cup of nonsense I read an assertion that no/fake pictures don't necessarily lead to a fake profile. And you're right. But after dealing with more than my share of domineering bastards who were really hiding from their wives and became hostile at the slightest challenge, I'm tired of dealing with it. I want someone who is straightforward and feels no need to hide themselves, and can take other measures to improve their security.

Naturally, this is a subjective topic so I'm only able to give my suggestions to the OP.

I'm with you on this Rocka....

I don't profess to be any sort of expert in this type, or any type of relationship....but, what's the problem with being straightforward?? I mean, it seems simple to me. You're married or you're not. And, if you are, your wife is open to this, or she is not. In the grand scheme of relationship issues, THIS is not an issue. Or, it shouldn't be.

Don't even start with "my wife doesn't understand"....or "I need to be discrete".

To the OP and anyone else writing a profile: BE HONEST. Give the other person the opportunity to say "yay" or "nay" if there are other relationship entanglements. Being a sub doesn't mean accepting *whatever* is put in front of you. And, same goes on the other side of the slash.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 16

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 3:57:20 PM

anavervia

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/26/2010
Status: offline

I agree with Rocka and littleladybug. It's a bad sign when someone hasn't taken a moment to fill out a profile. If he can take time to message me and he hasn't bothered to write about himself I see it as a warning. He might not be dangerous, but he might be lazy.
When I looked at your profile I realized that I have seen you. Your old profile isn't gone. It's here.

http://www.collarspace.com/personals/v/2108134/details.htm

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 17

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/29/2014 7:33:54 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Everyone has already offered great advice, so all Ive got to add is...

This medium seems to take quite a bit of time and patience as far as finding a compatible partner goes. It took me 6 years to finally meet my guy, but it's been worth the wait in the long run. Met a lot of idiots along the way of course...and a few could have beens that never really got off the ground. All you can do is keep trying.

Don't try to figure out what someone wants to hear. Rather just be genuine, honest, sincere, and of course be yourself. The rest will work itself out

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 8/29/2014 7:34:14 PM >

(in reply to anavervia)

Post #: 18

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/30/2014 1:57:05 AM

AKinkCounselor

Posts: 53
Joined: 8/12/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

Don't try to figure out what someone wants to hear. Rather just be genuine, honest, sincere, and of course be yourself. The rest will work itself out

This is pretty much it really! write what appeals to you, write a profile that says who you are, try to put your personality across.

Although, I'm not opposed to running the message through a little marketing, understand the client, sell to the client, build on your strengths. Put them across in a way that the client will want to engage with...

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 19

RE: What's a Dom gotta do? - 8/30/2014 1:35:26 PM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

For me you'd have to be in London and secondly someone I'd want to talk to (so a good profile with a lot of description which shows a good education and good writing skills). Other than that someone I find visually attractive and with whom I have things in common, good career etc.

(in reply to AKinkCounselor)

Post #: 20

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