dcnovice
Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
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September 10, 2014
“Well, maybe not that fine…”
Dear Ones ---
Time and time again I’ve said that I don’t care,
That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through.
But every time it matters, all my words desert me.
So anyone can hurt me, and they do.
Juan Peron’s freshly dumped mistress sings those words about halfway through act one in Evita. They’ve been in my mind for some days now. In my case, though, it’s more a matter of “anything” than “anyone.” Another stanza from that same haunting song has also lodged in my brain:
Call in three months’ time and I’ll be fine, I know.
Well, maybe not that fine, but I’ll survive anyhow.
I won’t recall the names and places of each sad occasion.
But that’s no consolation here and now.
“Maybe not that fine” is a perfect summation of how I feel right now. Last Thursday, a one-two punch of breathing woes and swollen legs landed me back at Georgetown University Hospital. It was my third admission in 2014. Mercifully, I only stayed two nights. And they did not starve me.
I left Georgetown with two new diagnoses for my already-overly-large collection. A CT scan detected a pair of blood clots. One clings, barnacle style, to my Mediport. The other, a wee thing, nestles in my lung. To spur these little buggers to fade away and dissuade my body from creating any more, I’ve begun taking a self-injected anticoagulant called Lovenox. I asked if I could have Nova lox instead, but no luck.
Meantime, an ultrasound revealed “diastolic dysfunction,” an inability of my heart—like the rest of me—to relax fully. If I understood correctly (big “if”!), that means the heart doesn’t draw in enough fluid, which may be a factor in its collecting elsewhere. The docs put me on a diuretic to help me shed excess fluid. It works. My calves and ankles are much closer to normal size, and I dropped 20 pounds almost instantly.
These new plot twists, along with lessened but still lingering rectal pain, have taken a toll on my spirits. I drag through the days, feeling leaden and listless, and wonder how soon I can decently go to bed. Today, I was so out of sorts that I couldn’t relax fully, or even partially, in the hyperbaric chamber and had to abort the dive fairly soon after starting it. It didn’t help that the tank was unusually hot, to the point that my gowns were sodden from sweat. The tech and doc were incredibly nice about my needing to stop, and the doc prescribed a mild sedative for me to try tomorrow. Fingers crossed!
Lest I leave you in gloom of your own, I’ll end with the day’s bright spot. As I opened the apartment door to leave this afternoon, a flash of yellow filled my eyes. It came from a lovely chrysanthemum plant from the folks at Wilson House. I continue to be endlessly moved by their kindness to me, and I look forward to getting back there! It’s especially extraordinary when you consider that I’m just a part-time guide who hasn’t worked in months.
As ever, thanks and love to you all!
Cheers,
DC
_____________________________
No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.
JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE
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DC Update: "Well, maybe not that fine ..." - 
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