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Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 12:17:55 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		I've been on here, and other places, for a very long time. I'm not an expert on all things BDSM, or much anything else... I do make a pretty awesome PB&J samich, so we'll use that as my one redeeming quality... But throughout all my time as a willing participant in WIITWD, I've seen the free range clueless meander here or there everyday. I get it, as long as people continue to breed, the clueless will turn 18 every day.

I understand we get the same old tired questions over and over again, cuz they do turn 18 every day, but what I see missing in 99% of the posts are the base questions that should've already been answered.

Who I am: a lot of people just don't know who they are, young and/or inexperienced is the usual suspect, but even in vanilla so many people have no idea or identity. I know me, I know me very well, and when I see someone that I believe is a good match for me I get all tenacious badger about it. I want her to know exactly who I am and where she fits, if she fits. I know my wants, needs, likes and dislikes, and anyone too far from my list isn't going to be a good match for me, nor me for her.

Where I am: we're ever evolving creatures, sometimes we get stagnant and in a rut, and yet again, we get inundated with people that do not know where they are in their lives or even their own skin for that matter. It's so related to knowing who you are, the line gets blurry. I know where I am... Largely still in parent mode because it was my favorite job. Additionally, I'm still in a romantic place, want to remain in a romantic place, and I really don't ever want that to change. I'm well beyond whore mode and casual play mode, and am in the "for the rest of my life" mode. Where people are in their lives, I feel is equally as important in knowing who you are.

Where I'm going: my final destination is very clear to me; once my business here is concluded, go home, start a business that is low maintenance, have jungle babies, raise them into tyrants, and live out the rest as carefree as possible. Some people are already where they are going, and some people have no clue. They just know that where they are is not the final destination. However, in finding a good functional relationship, laying out where you are going to a potential partner is as important, if not more so, than the two items above. We may click on who I am and where I am, but if jungle life and jungle babies are not her cup of tea, then we're doomed for destruction. I'm too old for "Miss GoodForNow" and have no interest in wasting energy on her. My energy needs to be expended on Miss GoodForLife, and I will lay out every minuscule detail so she knows where I'm going and can decide for herself if she is on board.

In WIITWD we tend, those of us that are sincere, to be very forthcoming. What's the point in hiding our freaks when it is our freaks we want played with? I'm happy alone, can be happier in a functional relationship, and for me the key to obtaining that relationship is laying out all my cards on the table; this is me, this is where I am, this is where I'm going, are you coming with?

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 1:02:06 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		The thing I've noticed (and admired) about you, ET, is that exact and forthcoming nature. You know exactly what you're after, accept nothing less, and absolutely unashamed of it.

That's awesome. It really is. And you've had a lot of time to get to that point. The 18 year old clueless? Not so much. Hell, I'm still working out a few things about myself, though I've come a long way since introducing myself to the scene. My wants and needs have actually changed since then. My living situation, employment, company I keep, personality, etc. have also changed. WIITWD has been a catalyst for a LOT of that, and who knows what kind of person I'd be otherwise.

There's no shame in not knowing what kind of person you are, provided you want to figure it out.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 1:07:43 PM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

I'm happy alone, can be happier in a functional relationship, and for me the key to obtaining that relationship is laying out all my cards on the table; this is me, this is where I am, this is where I'm going, are you coming with?

Jus sayin


I couldn't agree more with you.

I know who I am, I never hid who I was, a prospective partner knew upfront and he could take it or leave it.

I know where I've been, where I am now and where I plan on going. I also know that life can take an unexpected turn, learned the hard way that your life can drastically change in a split second which can mean future plans might also change and go in a different direction. If 10 years ago someone told me I'd be where I am today, I would have thought them to be out of their mind.

On the relationship front....I love being in my relationship because we love each other, we're compatible, we're on the same page but I don't "need" a relationship to be happy and content with my life and be at peace within myself. I was never one to just settle or have the attitude "oh well, this is better than nothing".


_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 1:25:46 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Good stuff. When I first came out of my marriage 15 years ago, I had a fuzzy vision of what I wanted but even more important...at that time...I damn sure knew what I didn't want. That secure knowledge of what I didn't want helped me along the journey of discovery of what I did want. If you'll take the time to read my profile, what I want and don't want, what I expect and don't expect are there.

As is my acknowledgement of the one big truth I discovered along the way: I'd rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. I'm a sweetheart...I've got references... but I believe in what submission and dominance and D/s mean. If I wanted vanilla, I'd have found some way to suck it up and stay with my ex.

(in reply to InHisHeart)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 1:49:00 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		People develop over time. Values change, goals change, attitudes change. There are few people that I know who have a concrete grip on who they are and what it is they want. More often, I run into people who understand what it is they do not want, which is not the same as knowing what you want. Along the way, certain crises can happen, whether personal, financial or spiritual, which will make us question who we are, what we want and where we are going. These are the most critical times in our lives because we can put a finer point on the things that matter to us, and maybe answer a few questions about ourselves.

15 years ago, after my divorce my life fell apart, I had a breakdown, I lost everything and was homeless. I was a raging alcoholic and the crisis in my life allowed me to get sober. One of the most significant things that I can point to during that time is that when I lost everything, I questioned myself and who I was and what my purpose was and what it was that I wanted to do. I realized that I had a blank canvas in front of me because I was empty, all I really had was the will to live and the strength to power through whatever was in my way. I realized that I could put things into place that I wanted in order to rebuild my life, I got goal oriented and started working toward those goals. Along the way, I had many different and difficult challenges, but I was resolved to not giving up and getting through all of it. I did. It was the most freeing time in my life that I have ever experienced.

I learned what I want in a relationship, and I found it. My slut is one of the most wonderful people I have met. I learned who I was, I am me, and I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks about me. I have learned that material things are just that, and that financial security is an illusion, and therefore I do not base my happiness on that type of stuff because it could all be gone in an instant. My goal is to be the best person I can be in whatever time I have left on this earth. I help people because it makes me happy, I do the best I can to be pleasant, and funny, and open and honest at all times. I do my very best to live up to what I believe in, and I try to pass these things along to those around me.

There are things in life that you cannot teach some people. I didn't understand what was valuable to me... really valuable until it was gone. My life would look so different had I known that when I was 18 rather than have to have waited until I was in my 30's to find this shit out. People have to figure these things out and I don't think there is a cut and dried process for it. Life lessons happen all around us, it is up to the individual to listen to what those lessons are and learn from them.



_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 1:52:47 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart


I also know that life can take an unexpected turn, learned the hard way that your life can drastically change in a split second which can mean future plans might also change and go in a different direction.



And to punctuate your point... I just received a phone call about another death in the family. My ums great grandmother died a few hours ago, so my plans are on hold for a little bit. She was the cookie baking all or nothing festival grand mother type. A pretty amazing woman that impacted countless lives. It would take quite some time to list her many accomplishments and achievements... Her loss will ripple across the nation.

Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to InHisHeart)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 1:58:38 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
If these three questions were asked of me, when I was eighteen, the answers would have been starkly different than what they are now.

I'm desperately trying to think back, lo these many years, and I'm pretty sure I had no idea who I was.

Where I was was probably the easiest of the three.

Where I was going; I had no idea.

I don't think there's any shame in someone who's just eighteen having no handle on these three questions.

Of course, there are many ways that these questions could be interpreted.

If we're talking about the kink world, I had no flippin' clue. If we're talking about sexuality, I had an idea of who I was and where I was but where I was going was no semblance of any kind of order.

I say: give the youngsters a break. I think it's the older ones that are where the consternation should come in. If you're 30 and haven't figured this stuff out, please don't reproduce.

ETA: My condolences on your loss. (You posted while I was typing mine)







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 9/15/2014 1:59:29 PM >

_____________________________

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 2:03:20 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

And to punctuate your point... I just received a phone call about another death in the family. My ums great grandmother died a few hours ago, so my plans are on hold for a little bit. She was the cookie baking all or nothing festival grand mother type. A pretty amazing woman that impacted countless lives. It would take quite some time to list her many accomplishments and achievements... Her loss will ripple across the nation.

Exiled


My thoughts go out to you and your family.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 2:05:58 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline 		The "where I'm going" part cracked me up...only because I relate to it in so many ways.

My current *whatever* (and don't call him that out of any disrespect...we are just working diligently to see if we are our mutual "one") set out his expectations of everything, to the slightest detail, pretty much straight out of the gate. I absolutely respect that, but also was going to put in my two cents where I either had questions or disagreed. Because I also have my idea of what I want. I do believe that's why we're still dancing months later. "Oh, wait a minute... they're not bolting, yet also not agreeing to it all..."...holy SHIT.

I think we're both at the point in our lives where, even if we don't absolutely KNOW what we want, we have a pretty good idea. And, what is most interesting to me, the two of us seem to have the ability to see the "why" behind our lists. It might be a simple "preference", but a lot of times, there's something else behind it. I do have to say, I enjoy communicating with someone who knows himself enough, and is strong enough in himself, to be able to actually *discuss* these issues. To be able to be with someone who's able to say to himself, "holy shit, I was going to let her loose over *that baggage of mine*"? Priceless.

I've learned over the years that I do *not* need a man in my life...but, dang, I do want one.


(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 2:13:12 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

The "where I'm going" part cracked me up...only because I relate to it in so many ways.

My current *whatever* (and don't call him that out of any disrespect...we are just working diligently to see if we are our mutual "one") set out his expectations of everything, to the slightest detail, pretty much straight out of the gate. I absolutely respect that, but also was going to put in my two cents where I either had questions or disagreed. Because I also have my idea of what I want. I do believe that's why we're still dancing months later. "Oh, wait a minute... they're not bolting, yet also not agreeing to it all..."...holy SHIT.

I think we're both at the point in our lives where, even if we don't absolutely KNOW what we want, we have a pretty good idea. And, what is most interesting to me, the two of us seem to have the ability to see the "why" behind our lists. It might be a simple "preference", but a lot of times, there's something else behind it. I do have to say, I enjoy communicating with someone who knows himself enough, and is strong enough in himself, to be able to actually *discuss* these issues. To be able to be with someone who's able to say to himself, "holy shit, I was going to let her loose over *that baggage of mine*"? Priceless.

I've learned over the years that I do *not* need a man in my life...but, dang, I do want one.


Really like your last statement...except that for me, I want a woman.

(in reply to littleladybug)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 2:17:51 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Really like your last statement...except that for me, I want a woman.



I do believe that statement can be applied to any gender or sexual orientation. Or, at least it can in my world...

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 2:25:52 PM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

And to punctuate your point... I just received a phone call about another death in the family. My ums great grandmother died a few hours ago, so my plans are on hold for a little bit. She was the cookie baking all or nothing festival grand mother type. A pretty amazing woman that impacted countless lives. It would take quite some time to list her many accomplishments and achievements... Her loss will ripple across the nation.

Exiled


My condolences to you and your family Exiled.


_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 4:13:10 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

...... those of us that are sincere, to be very forthcoming. What's the point in hiding our freaks when it is our freaks we want played with? I'm happy alone, can be happier in a functional relationship, and for me the key to obtaining that relationship is laying out all my cards on the table; this is me, this is where I am, this is where I'm going, are you coming with?





I love this .... and could not agree more.


(My thoughts are with you and your family on your recent loss).


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 6:07:43 PM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline 		We offer our condolences and may you find comfort and warmth in her memory. The preceding in response to the op

< Message edited by CaptR -- 9/15/2014 6:09:02 PM >

(in reply to kallisto)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 6:13:17 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		I imagine that I'll always be able to look back, whether I'm looking back at when I was 18, 30, 45, or 60, and say "Hmm...I've changed so much since then. And I never even saw it coming." That is the excitement of life!

I think Gauge said it well: "More often, I run into people who understand what it is they do not want, which is not the same as knowing what you want." I know what I don't want, but what I want? Oh, I think I could find happiness down many different avenues. And I love having so many paths available before me.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
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RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 6:37:17 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

I've been on here, and other places, for a very long time. I'm not an expert on all things BDSM, or much anything else... I do make a pretty awesome PB&J samich, so we'll use that as my one redeeming quality... But throughout all my time as a willing participant in WIITWD, I've seen the free range clueless meander here or there everyday. I get it, as long as people continue to breed, the clueless will turn 18 every day.

I understand we get the same old tired questions over and over again, cuz they do turn 18 every day, but what I see missing in 99% of the posts are the base questions that should've already been answered.

Who I am: a lot of people just don't know who they are, young and/or inexperienced is the usual suspect, but even in vanilla so many people have no idea or identity. I know me, I know me very well, and when I see someone that I believe is a good match for me I get all tenacious badger about it. I want her to know exactly who I am and where she fits, if she fits. I know my wants, needs, likes and dislikes, and anyone too far from my list isn't going to be a good match for me, nor me for her.

Where I am: we're ever evolving creatures, sometimes we get stagnant and in a rut, and yet again, we get inundated with people that do not know where they are in their lives or even their own skin for that matter. It's so related to knowing who you are, the line gets blurry. I know where I am... Largely still in parent mode because it was my favorite job. Additionally, I'm still in a romantic place, want to remain in a romantic place, and I really don't ever want that to change. I'm well beyond whore mode and casual play mode, and am in the "for the rest of my life" mode. Where people are in their lives, I feel is equally as important in knowing who you are.

Where I'm going: my final destination is very clear to me; once my business here is concluded, go home, start a business that is low maintenance, have jungle babies, raise them into tyrants, and live out the rest as carefree as possible. Some people are already where they are going, and some people have no clue. They just know that where they are is not the final destination. However, in finding a good functional relationship, laying out where you are going to a potential partner is as important, if not more so, than the two items above. We may click on who I am and where I am, but if jungle life and jungle babies are not her cup of tea, then we're doomed for destruction. I'm too old for "Miss GoodForNow" and have no interest in wasting energy on her. My energy needs to be expended on Miss GoodForLife, and I will lay out every minuscule detail so she knows where I'm going and can decide for herself if she is on board.

In WIITWD we tend, those of us that are sincere, to be very forthcoming. What's the point in hiding our freaks when it is our freaks we want played with? I'm happy alone, can be happier in a functional relationship, and for me the key to obtaining that relationship is laying out all my cards on the table; this is me, this is where I am, this is where I'm going, are you coming with?

Jus sayin


AWESOME AND WELL SAID! And that is truly indicative of who you are as a an individual, you can choose to attach or detach, engage or disengage, but doing it in a manner that is fair to everyone affected by such a decision. And to lay all card on the table from the very beginning, and even the scary (Mephobia) ones that may never come to fruition but laying them out there anyway.
I have always secretly admired little tidbits about you from afar and silently, especially the perpetual dry humor. My condolences to you as well and I mean that in the sincerest way.
I have had many transitions. From a good little Catholic schoolgirl to Lisbeth from "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". And finally who I am, and I have never felt so reassured in my potential and accomplishments than I do now. So I anticipate the future.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 7:32:28 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		~thank you all for your support and kindness, I'm richer in life having you~

All of you have made very profound contributions. I'd quote you all and address those, but I'm a prick, so I'll just babble.

I went through a lot of, "holy fuck, I don't want do that shit again!" before I truly understood who I am, where I am, and where I'm going.

We often have a lot of wisdom offered from our more experienced posters, even the ones that makes your skin crawl have a valid point from their own BDSM microcosim, it may be in concordat oposition of your own, and the thread wars can prove it, but nonetheless valid.

That said, this thread wasn't an attempt to reveal the inadequicies of youth or inexperience, but to encourage the feedback you've been offering so that, in future threads, we have somewhat of a unified agreement on the importance on those three points. In our own ways, own perspectives as we relate to a subject, and from our personal microcosim of BDSM, most all of use attempt to help or guide the pilgrims on this journey. Sometimes we just have to acknowledge that you can't fix stupid and move on, but other times, when we see a point in which we relate to the scenario, we try pretty hard.

As most of you know, I'm quite the antiquated Latin teacher.. "Temet Nosce, Mother fucker!" Because I believe in that. How can I offer her the stability she is looking for if I do not know myself? Yep, that shit can get deep, but it may need it's own thread first.

I've seen many of you probing, leading, and prodding to peel back a few layers of ignorance in people to try and understand where they are coming from... In essence, who they are, where they are (particularly in WIITWD), and where they are going. I notoriously preach the D is not the holy grail of nailing chicks, Top is. I'm confident in this because there is tangible D & /s energy, woo woo if that's what you need to call it, and it does not resonate with all /s's to all D's. Surprisingly, that perceptible energy can just make your skin crawl if that D or /s is not in harmony with your energy. That said, a D can please some of the people some of the time, and a skilled Top can please most of the people most of the time. But how do we get someone from Wtf to oh, that's me? I strongly believe it is by getting them to, through candor or introspection, tell us who they are, where they are, and where they are going.



_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Free ranged clueless - 9/15/2014 7:56:05 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		It better not be a dig at us youths- I'm only 26- I know, I'm so mature its easy to forget.

On a serious note- I'm sorry for your loss, you and yours are in my thoughts.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 18
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