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RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, when reversing roles?


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RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/21/2014 3:27:17 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

I think I have a problem with the idea of people needing to prove themselves worthy to each other. It's kind of like saying that each person is viewed as worthless coming into it until proven otherwise. Figuring out if you are compatible, that you can trust each other, that you are on the same page as far as what each person is looking for/needing out of the connection...these things Im all for.

But then again, this could be Captain Morgan talking



I think the crux of the issue is that phrase ... those words; " ... prove themselves worthy to each other". That's a pretty "offensive" statement. I agree.

However, I think a lot of people use wording like that for ease of communication. It's an accessible, "comfortable" way to get the point across. As I said; I despise that word ("prove") when used in the context of interpersonal relationships.

Inane distractions aside, if we agree to use that wording, I think it can illustrate - to a degree - the main sticking point.

Because of the way the basic dynamic is supposed to work (allegedly, the submissive acquiesces to the whim of the dominant), the dominant is required to "prove themselves worthy" of loyalty, devotion, and things like that. The specifics of how that's done are a matter of individual tastes of both parties.

So, here's the dominant, at the munch, in the club, wherever, just going about their life being (/showing people how) trustworthy and honorable (they are) and the submissive takes notice.

Now, forgetting a "first move" (who cares who asks whom to dance?), the two (somehow) start communicating. The dominant has already "proven" certain things to the submissive's satisfaction - or, ostensibly, they wouldn't be communicating. This is the time for the submissive to "prove themselves" to the dominant. How? Well, as in almost all things, the devil is in the details and if we go back to a submissive, acquiescing to the dominant, the dominant says: "I hate doing laundry." If doing laundry is acceptable to the submissive, they make that known. Cooking dinner, vacuuming, yard work, oral sex, anal sex, monogamy versus polyamory, whatever; the dominant makes their wants and desires known and the submissive either agrees (things may be taking off) or they disagree (things may crash and burn).

So, while I agree that the wording seems harsh and impersonal (almost dehumanizing), I think the concepts may actually be a "given". I think the main bone of contention is how the different parties go about accomplishing those goals and how many people go about expressing them.







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 9/21/2014 3:48:44 AM >

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/21/2014 3:57:39 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Bingo

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/21/2014 9:10:47 PM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		If you can separate "activity" role reversal from "personality" role reversal then it is no way compromising your self identification. If you are a Dominant being it does not mean that you can't laugh or play hard to get. Enjoy all the roles you feel in the moment and it doesn't change your Domination and need to be in charge. It actually compliments any activity you wish to engage in because you are confident in your mind that the Dominance is still in the very nature of your personality.

A persons professional career would prove quite a monotonous and stiff personality to a suitable person of interest. I do understand the dilemma though. You don't want them taken your Dominance for grated just be you are a normal person with this particular lifestyle choice. Enjoy without guilt or reservation. The person that will love and respect you will always be mindful of your value and how to compliment it ways to optimize your joyful fulfilling experience.

I hope I have understood the gist of your topic.

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/21/2014 9:30:55 PM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		As to the cultural context of the original post: whether it is still important for gender or title to dictate who is pursued and who is in waiting. If those rules appeal to you on a traditional level then so be it. Some people are also behaviorally shy and introverted. They won't be capable of pursuing a person they like. Are these traditonal roles reversed or necessary to reverse in order to find your ideal match. I find that it is not that significant to reverse the cultural norm unless you are real picky and specific about what you require. And no, it does not make you any less sub or Domme to be lacking or adamant in this aspect.

(in reply to starkem)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/22/2014 6:02:58 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		Starkem, I'm on this site for entertainment, discourse, and to engage my peer group. I put little faith in the other side, because I'm not looking to date. My life is very full and busy, and if I were of the mind to casually date, I'd be on a dating site specifying my casual interests. However, the other side of this site details my LTR relationship interest, direct, concise, and informative. Once I get the sense that my interest in an /s is a "chase", I'm finished. I'm not looking for a casual date, to play games, or to become someone's second, third, fourth, etc... best choice.

I'm an egotistical prick that will only take second chair to her children, just as she will take second chair to mine. I can and will aggressively focus on her and our compatibility. My focus will be 100% and I will invest 100% effort to establish our compatibility. When I feel that my 100% isn't being reciprocated, my interest will wane, I will perceive it is cat and mouse, a chase... I don't chase, I do not catch and release, I'm not here to play, participate in a casual anything, or date. I am relationship orientated, and quite happy alone. I can be happier in a functional relationship, but my happiness is not contingent on a relationship.

My path is well laid out before me and I will not deviate from that course. She can get on board, say Aye Aye Captain, be my navigator, or she can wave bye from the shore. For anyone to have a modicum of success with me, she had better grow a pair and make her interest known. If she thinks I'm the D of her dreams and does not make contanct, I will be the one that got away or the opportunity never taken, because I am not going to pour over profiles looking for a match.

Jus sayin

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to starkem)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/22/2014 6:26:46 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I believe it all depends on which off you is seeking. Not all Dommes are seeking slaves and not all slaves are seeking Dommes. As Tryant said, the seeker makes the approach.

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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/22/2014 8:14:22 AM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Well, at least you're honest. It *does* take guts to pursue. I always admire those, of either sex, who do.

I think you have a special admiration for ladies with luggage that need carrying

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/24/2014 11:06:20 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

~FR

If the general consensus is the male sub or male in general should do the approaching, didn't you (females) ever wonder if maybe you passed someone by who might have been a great match for you?

I've always been of the mindset that life is way too short to wait around for life to happen, if I see someone I have an interest in, I let it be known. If the interest isn't mutual, I move on. This has nothing to do with me being female or a sub. It's the way I view life and the way I believe I would view life whether I was male, female, sub, Dom/me or either sex in the vanilla life. I'm not one to pass up opportunities that might have the outcome I'm looking for.
Dont get me wrong...I don't mind the idea of some febsub sending a flirtatious, interest-expressing note to me.

However, in my 59 years (no old fart jokes ), I've rarely had a female approach me. When I was young, it was generally considered the man's job to pursue and/or express interest first. By the time I got into D/s 15 - 16 years ago, that had changed but mainly among the younger set and even there, it was still the male most often doing the pursuing. Of the femsubs I have had approach me, two of them were 20 - 25 years younger. I can honestly say that I have yet to have one within 10 years of me approach me first. Same constraints that I grew up with? Most likely. That is why I believe that if you are a male...sub or Dom...it is in your best interest to express your interest.

(in reply to InHisHeart)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/24/2014 11:54:11 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

However, in my 59 years (no old fart jokes ), I've rarely had a female approach me. When I was young, it was generally considered the man's job to pursue and/or express interest first. By the time I got into D/s 15 - 16 years ago, that had changed but mainly among the younger set and even there, it was still the male most often doing the pursuing. Of the femsubs I have had approach me, two of them were 20 - 25 years younger. I can honestly say that I have yet to have one within 10 years of me approach me first. Same constraints that I grew up with? Most likely. That is why I believe that if you are a male...sub or Dom...it is in your best interest to express your interest.

Not to put you on the spot, or for me to get jumped all over either, and given that we're both still middle-aged in terms of generational outlook:
(Feel free to disregard or skip over any of the below, btw.)

1. Do you feel that men around your/our age group (not necessarily you personally) tend to feel that a woman who comes on too strong is desperate to find a man, some man, maybe just about any man who appears to be solvent?

2. When these significantly younger women show interest in much older men (by roughly 15-25 years), has it been your experience that they turn out to be looking for sugar daddies? Not so much DaddyDoms, but vanilla-typical sugar daddies?

3(a) Perhaps a (non-submissive) 30-something and a 40-something male can weigh in on how they perceive a strange woman making the first move. Does it basically hinge on her attractiveness quotient? Sexual confidence? Apparent professional success and/or independence?
3(b) Assuming that mixed signals are a non-issue and it's obvious that a woman finds you of interest, would you prefer to feel that she chose you over many others, or that you chose her over many others?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/24/2014 1:00:32 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

However, in my 59 years (no old fart jokes ), I've rarely had a female approach me. When I was young, it was generally considered the man's job to pursue and/or express interest first. By the time I got into D/s 15 - 16 years ago, that had changed but mainly among the younger set and even there, it was still the male most often doing the pursuing. Of the femsubs I have had approach me, two of them were 20 - 25 years younger. I can honestly say that I have yet to have one within 10 years of me approach me first. Same constraints that I grew up with? Most likely. That is why I believe that if you are a male...sub or Dom...it is in your best interest to express your interest.

Not to put you on the spot, or for me to get jumped all over either, and given that we're both still middle-aged in terms of generational outlook:
(Feel free to disregard or skip over any of the below, btw.)

1. Do you feel that men around your/our age group (not necessarily you personally) tend to feel that a woman who comes on too strong is desperate to find a man, some man, maybe just about any man who appears to be solvent?
I don't mind saying that there is a tendency among guys I know who are 50 - 65 to feel this way about women who, as you put it, come on a little too strong. Especially noted in those who've never been married, those whose "time since the divorce" has gone on longer than they thought it would, and those who've found that it does indeed take two incomes to live a certain way.

quote:

2. When these significantly younger women show interest in much older men (by roughly 15-25 years), has it been your experience that they turn out to be looking for sugar daddies? Not so much DaddyDoms, but vanilla-typical sugar daddies?
I've been lucky (?)...the young ladies that approached me were both submissive. One just had a thing for older dominants, though in her vanilla life, she was married to a guy...and liked guys... just a couple years older. The other submissive had a Daddy thing going that hit me at the right time in my journey.
Call me cynical but I'm pretty sure that, just as there are male dominants out to play as many femsubs as they can, there are femsubs out to hook that male dominant who will go out and provide for his "little baby girl" while she stays home, keeps the house up (maybe) and "submits" to his sexual and sadistic urges.
quote:



3(a) Perhaps a (non-submissive) 30-something and a 40-something male can weigh in on how they perceive a strange woman making the first move. Does it basically hinge on her attractiveness quotient? Sexual confidence? Apparent professional success and/or independence?
3(b) Assuming that mixed signals are a non-issue and it's obvious that a woman finds you of interest, would you prefer to feel that she chose you over many others, or that you chose her over many others?


(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/24/2014 4:05:10 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


Not to put you on the spot, or for me to get jumped all over either, and given that we're both still middle-aged in terms of generational outlook:

Actually you are pretty young...I on the other hand am middle age




1. Do you feel that men around your/our age group (not necessarily you personally) tend to feel that a woman who comes on too strong is desperate to find a man, some man, maybe just about any man who appears to be solvent?

[n]Actually it is a turn on.
It is pretty difficult to reach middle age (70) without becoming solvent

2. When these significantly younger women show interest in much older men (by roughly 15-25 years), has it been your experience that they turn out to be looking for sugar daddies? Not so much DaddyDoms, but vanilla-typical sugar daddies?

Some just by the very nature of mathematical odds are just gold diggers. The ones who have been out and about and know what they are looking for and wont settle for less omg that is soooo phoquing hawt.

3(a) Perhaps a (non-submissive) 30-something and a 40-something male can weigh in on how they perceive a strange woman making the first move.

The stranger the better


Does it basically hinge on her attractiveness quotient? Sexual confidence? Apparent professional success and/or independence?
All of the above plus that "je ne sait quoix" that makes them irrestable and totally swoonworthy.


3(b) Assuming that mixed signals are a non-issue and it's obvious that a woman finds you of interest, would you prefer to feel that she chose you over many others, or that you chose her over many others?

Clearly I am in the pool of those who have chosen her. She on the other hand chooses whom she wants from those in the pool.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 51
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