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FieryOpal -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Really? (12/7/2014 12:44:05 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ReinRaus
quote:
ORIGINAL: Greta75
I am just wondering exactly what orientation of a person will I be looking for if I am simply seeking a man who enjoys to be topped from bottom.
Kinda like, he gets to play the character of my fantasy master, and I write the script for him to follow.
Hmm, this gives me idea, I will go search in the vanilla world if vanilla men will do this. I know no self-respecting doms will be interested.
I've been coincidentally thinking about this lately. I identify strictly as a Domme (not a switch) because I've found I'm uncomfortable submitting in any way except for physically. I need to be emotionally and mentally in charge, and when I get in the mood to be roughed up a little by my partner, I only allow it if/when I know they'll maintain that I'm remaining the commander. Essentially if I'm taking on a submissive role, even for a moment, this is topping from the bottom in loose terms, right? Or perhaps not since I'm not a true submissive and am only dictating certain acts of dominance be directed toward by body at my order (e.g., spanking).
So in regards to your question, I still consider my partner to be a submissive and that's who I continue to seek for this type of play. Definitely not a Dom since, as you pointed out, it would most likely be grossly disrespectful to provide a script for him/her. However, BDSM is a fluid thing and I think it would be silly to say it's impossible to find a Dom that would be comfortable enough in his masculinity to allow you to have this fun with him by playing along. Kind of like how I allow a submissive to dominate me in ways that get me off physically.
Is the other option for you to seek someone whose orientation is a switch? Perhaps it comes naturally for them to be able to jump back and forth between roles with respect to your wants and needs. That seems possible, but I'm not going to speak for the switches here and instead will ask them to chime in with some input. It's interesting that you seem to be questioning your partner's orientation over your own. What if this is a matter of you becoming dominant and finding a submissive for an occasional "scripted" session?
Funny to find your post after this topic's been creeping into my mind the past week!
There are varieties of S/switches, but there is just one (straight) male switch I've ever known who is the ideal kind of romantically - as opposed to kink&fetish-obsessed - masculine submissive. Unfortunately, he's already taken. [:(]
I can't speak for Greta at all, since she's submissive and wants a Dom, but I have a feeling that you (RR) have been running into the same problem that I have. Not being able to find the Holy Grail of male subs, one who is more than a bedroom submissive without acting like a subservient, lowly servant or needy inferior, instead of a genuine intimate partner. One who is both comfortable with his submission and with his masculinity.
When you want to bottom but you are still in charge of and in control of the scene, you are still the Dominant one. So that doesn't change--it's just the giving (Topping) and receiving (bottoming) roles which have changed. Or switched, if you want to look at it that way, functionally but not in the D/s dynamic sense.
Btw, this is not an unusual sentiment I hear from other Dommes either, especially when they keep running into male subs who can't make the grade as a lover and act as if being one and/or doing any service Topping is a begrudgingly submissive duty, like they're doing you some kind of huge favor. [8|]
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