RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom?

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? (Full Version)

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Mistycalm -> RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? (10/11/2014 4:25:23 PM)
quote: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? Not really. I have siblings that have never even contemplated the world of BDSM; yet they are aware of my kinks enough to have intelligent discussions about them. quote: Is there a form of enlightenment in the intimacy and passion of BDSM that those who reject it will never understand? And what form of enlightenment/intimacy would you be referring to? We do not hold the market on enlightenment and intimacy. Just because we choose to express ours differently, does not mean that the vanilla couple next door do not know each other inside and out or that they have rejected intimacy within their relationship. quote: Are the moments of pure ecstasy and joy a secret which they lock themselves away from? Or are thoughts like this just ego-stroking? Ego-stroking. Kinksters are nothing special. Just like everyone else, we express ourselves uniquely.

GoddessManko -> RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? (10/11/2014 10:36:43 PM)
No, never. Not at all. Kink is only one small aspect of life, it doesn't define life itself. I believe everyone has a variation of D or s but some are just on further ends of the spectrum than other. I only use the labels because they help simplify and define things but neither of these types of relationships are mutually exclusive. There are vanilla men who would lay at the feet of the woman they admire while there are submissive men who merely want their itch scratched. There are vanilla dynamics that work precisely because one personality complements the other and that gives way to longevity. Many "vanilla" relationships are female led, the only difference is that venturing into kink simply never really occurred to them and it may be solely due to lack of exploration. Also I have seen submissive men channel their submission in different ways. Most popular ways I have seen are of course their children, another is domestic/errand duty, another as we all know is in online fantasy play, while they have very long term vanilla relationships offline. Same for dominant women, many can channel their dominant nature into their professional lives, especially in the male dominated business world. I hear about women in the world of finance who emasculate the men they work with, verbally or otherwise for sport (won't name names). And I'd say they are probably more dominant than some webcam girls on here who found a profitable niche. If you're a sadist or masochist by nature and unable to channel it "kink wise", it can manifest in other ways. Many of us would love to believe we are part of some elite society, but that is only ego at play, and an illogical frame of thought. quote: There are some people in the vanilla world that have amazing, trusting relationships that will last a lifetime together. There are some in the BDSM world that have amazing, trusting relationships that will last a lifetime together. There are those, in both worlds that have shitty relationships. Forget the labels, you are dealing with people in both cases. If the BDSM world had it all figured out, we wouldn't be a small percentage, we would be the majority. Agreed.

Greta75 -> RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? (10/12/2014 6:51:01 AM)
While I don't think that being into kink equates to being into something that is more special than people who aren't into kink. But by virtue of being into kink, it simply means that having a partner who's into kink as well, would understand why I am into kink and I wouldn't have to stay in the closet with this partner about it, which means that we will share a closer deeper more fulfilling bond, as compared to for example, falling inlove with a vanilla person and having to keep my kinks in the closet, as even though his wonderful and perfect in every other way, but bringing up the kink part is something they can't comprehend or understand and it would upset the relationship, but in a way, makes it less close and intimate for me. So to be with someone who's also into kink and totally understand, would definitely make things closer and deeper for me. But if 2 person don't like kink and they share that bond, that would be very special between them too.

CaptR -> RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? (10/12/2014 8:42:12 AM)
No

bearcatw125 -> RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? (10/12/2014 6:52:04 PM)
No type of relationship is better than another. There is the same chance of being in an 'enlightening' relationship in the kink world as there is in the vanilla world. It's like me going to a ballet. I'm not going to get as much excitement out of it as those that enjoy it on another level. I could try learning all there is about the art form, discuss it with those that know more than I do, and I still probably wouldn't find it exciting because it's not my thing.

Bhruic -> RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? (10/13/2014 7:27:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daykoper Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? Is there a form of enlightenment in the intimacy and passion of BDSM that those who reject it will never understand? Are the moments of pure ecstasy and joy a secret which they lock themselves away from? Or are thoughts like this just ego-stroking? What are your thoughts? Do you ever feel like parents are onto something the childless world can't even fathom? Is there a form of enlightenment in the intimacy and passion of parenthood that those who reject it will never understand? Are the moments of pure ecstasy and joy a secret which they lock themselves away from? Or are thoughts like this just ego-stroking? What are your thoughts? Fill in any other thing you want, and it will still be self righteous statement :)

littleladybug -> RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom? (10/13/2014 9:44:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic Do you ever feel like parents are onto something the childless world can't even fathom? Is there a form of enlightenment in the intimacy and passion of parenthood that those who reject it will never understand? Are the moments of pure ecstasy and joy a secret which they lock themselves away from? Or are thoughts like this just ego-stroking? What are your thoughts? Fill in any other thing you want, and it will still be self righteous statement :) Completely agreed (and in fact, was getting ready to use the same example...) --- To go further on this...personally, I'm not quite ready to give up my place in the "vanilla world". Why should they get all of the joy of relationships that don't purely have to do with sex? Because, really, that's what we're talking about here. One small aspect of a very much broader world. The other example that I was going to mention was that of homosexual relationships. At the end of the day, who one chooses to have a personal relationship with IS an important decision, but is, IMO, only ONE aspect of life. We all have to live in the world (I don't like calling it "vanilla", because that implies that it's an "us vs. them" thing, which to me not a productive way of thinking.) Over the past several months, I have gotten back onto the "dating scene", and have had some interesting experiences, and have spoken with some people who have given me quite an education. (Disclaimer: what I am about to mention are just my experiences, and I'm not trying to couch them in any universal truths...) I'll start with those who have "vanilla relationships" and are looking for the kink. (AKA the "married guys") Normally, I shy away from these...but sometimes one gets in through the barricade. In my experience, most of these people are simply missing something in their relationship, which has NOTHING to do with kink, once all is said and done. I have gotten close to one particular guy, who will probably be married to this gal for the rest of his life. She's not submissive. Ok. But, more than that, she's not SUPPORTIVE. He...chose poorly... and was looking for something that he thought was in the "kink world". But, fact of the matter is, he found someone who is "kinky" who can give him something that is completely not "kink-related". At the same time I have this friendship, I wear on occasion a gold necklace with three rings on it. One is my paternal grandfather's wedding ring. They were married for over 70 years. Another is a ring from my maternal grandmother...they were also married north of 70 years. The third is my dad's wedding ring. They just celebrated 52 years...he just never wore the ring. I sometimes wonder what separates these people from my friend. And the answer is probably nothing, with the exception of the internet. "Oh, if only my wife would do this"...nah...that's not the answer. But, the internet makes that fantasy possible. The other "type" that I have encountered is the one who has been fucked over in what he perceives as the "vanilla world". With that comes a list of "needs". Most of the time, honestly, I have no tolerance for these types. Sometimes, though, these types also make it through the barricade. In my experience, I have found that those "needs" are, on occasion, overcome by an understanding that I am NOT like her (or them)...not because I'm submissive...but because I am me. A dear person in my life has been dealing with some serious family issues recently....I demonstrated that I care about that...holy crap...you would think that I was the first person that did that (which maybe I am...). But, at the end of the day, I view that less as me being "submissive" as simply being a caring human being. In my time, I've been involved with some extremely bad human beings, who viewed themselves as "Dominant". Abusive is probably the nicest word that I could use. I certainly don't think I have the answers, but experience has shown me that no one does. And, frankly, as soon as someone thinks they "know" is just about the right time to bolt...whether kink, vanilla, or any other type of relationship.

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