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Where do you get your power? - 7/12/2006 4:51:39 AM   
mistressrose10


Posts: 56
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		Dominas express their power in varied ways and their personalities are also evident here in their responses and questions.There are those who can be relied on for a balanced viewpoint and those even when expressing disagreement are able to do so in a civil and thoughtful manner.
The question of how Dominas become who they are has been asked before and will no doubt be asked again.As a weight-lifting Domme with a martial arts background, I seldom use physical force in a scene and s and m holds little interest for me beyond a good hard hard spanking and some cbt.In fact I prefer to Dominate subs who are much bigger, taller and stronger and who occupy a higher rung on the corporate ladder.There is little thrill in Dominating a little fellow who I can bodyslam.I come from a line of assertive women and have never met the man or woman who intimidates me.When my dog died and I sobbed like baby, I was still Dominant.Well over a decade ago when a crazy woman kidnapped my three year old, I didn't crumble.I became a woman on a mission and that mission was accomplished when she was returned to me.As a teen when I was abused with a gun to my head,I didn't even whimper nor am I doing so now.Being Dominant is who I am I was born with it and it is recharged everytime I stand my ground or have a sub/slave grovel at my feet.It is not a function of gender or class,( though I prefer to Dominate men and tend to be protective of women)nor is it a predilection for inflicting  physical torture.
Is your sense of Dominance innate or did you learn to be who you are?Where do you get your power?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/12/2006 8:23:09 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Unlike you, mistressrose10, I was raised in an abusive household and for a while I fell hard under the demands that I be that perfect submissive, catering to everyone else.

But that was not who I was at all so outside the home, where I didn't have to bend to survive, I was always in control of myself and of others, others turned to me for protection and for guidence. Part of my teacher mentally I'm sure comes from these interactions.

Over the years I started to stop being the perfect child but in subtle ways, using well-reasoned logic to turn aside demands and turning off my emotions, finding extracurricular activities to take me from the house as often as possible. It might not have been healthy, but I survived.

Once I was married and moved halfway across the country I had to start therapy -- the fantasy of the perfecct family I came from could shatter once I was safely out of their reach. I got back my emotions and learned to recognize what influenced my decisions and my reactions. It was scary as hell. As I did that I felt inside that how I had been with those who came to me for guidence and protection was how I was supposed to be, the natural leader and teacher, the natural person on top who could direct with empathy that my own mother lacks completely (when my current therapist met my mother a few years ago she said to me "TammyJo I understand so much more now and I'm so sorry but you are strong and you survived"}.

The sad fact is that I can't love someone from a position of submission or by putting them first -- I can't say if that is a function of my childhood or not. Even loving someone from an equal position is very difficult for me. Love, then for me, is about me being the one in control because I know I will never abuse that power.

In short, my power comes from my personality and from my past which taught me by negative example how to appropriately use it.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to mistressrose10)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/12/2006 9:17:28 AM   
mistressrose10


Posts: 56
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:



The sad fact is that I can't love someone from a position of submission or by putting them first -- I can't say if that is a function of my childhood or not. Even loving someone from an equal position is very difficult for me. Love, then for me, is about me being the one in control because I know I will never abuse that power.

In short, my power comes from my personality and from my past which taught me by negative example how to appropriately use it.


Thank you for your insightful response.I differ in opinion that it is sad that you are unable to love from a position of submission, that you are able to love at all is the important thing.I do not believe that I could love from such a position either, it's just not who I am. I can see where your power comes from your personality and your past rather than the props and love of role play that many enjoy (and more power to them). To paraphrase old Bill,"Some are born Dominant, some achieve Dominance and some have Dominance thrust upon them"! I think by virtue(?) of your personality, your past and present, you are certainly empowered.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/12/2006 11:15:25 AM   
janiceleeinsc


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		I think most of us who claim to be a dom have some natural dom  traits.  I have been a woman out in the work force as well as in the military where I worked alone with men.   They were over me all of the years, and then one day, I came out. 
It does not hurt to learn skills from someone who knows things like flogging, edge play, etc.  They are skills I could not pick up on my own.   I went to a pro-Domme, and it all fell into place.
I am a Dominant female and love doming males; however, if there is a Dominant female around me, I don't mind waiting on her hand and foot.  
Hope that makes sence. 

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/12/2006 11:37:08 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear mistressrose10, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Power is gained in many different ways.  Starts at home, at school on the playground, interactions between peers and those older or younger.  Information is power, as well as knowledge the power is knowing how to use it wisely.  Power comes from power of position and or authority, such as military, civilian, religious or politics.  It also comes from a sense of duty, loyalty, protection or defense.  Power comes from logic as well as strength.
 
How one comes to gain power is as varied as there are colors in the universe.  But what determines power of evil or good, is our 'spirit' of intent.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to mistressrose10)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/12/2006 11:44:32 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistressrose10

quote:



The sad fact is that I can't love someone from a position of submission or by putting them first -- I can't say if that is a function of my childhood or not. Even loving someone from an equal position is very difficult for me. Love, then for me, is about me being the one in control because I know I will never abuse that power.

In short, my power comes from my personality and from my past which taught me by negative example how to appropriately use it.


Thank you for your insightful response.I differ in opinion that it is sad that you are unable to love from a position of submission, that you are able to love at all is the important thing.I do not believe that I could love from such a position either, it's just not who I am. I can see where your power comes from your personality and your past rather than the props and love of role play that many enjoy (and more power to them). To paraphrase old Bill,"Some are born Dominant, some achieve Dominance and some have Dominance thrust upon them"! I think by virtue(?) of your personality, your past and present, you are certainly empowered.



Thank you.

That helped make my day as I'm fighting with my computer.... it is not very submissive and it is annoying me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to mistressrose10)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/12/2006 12:48:30 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have always been *different* then most women. As a child I never felt the urge to play with dolls much to my Mother's dismay. I never wanted to do housework as I saw nothing enjoyable about it. I watched my Mother wait on my Father and he get so frustrated with her fawning over him he would yell at her to go away. I remember them having discussions whereas my Father would tell her why don't you get a part time job or something? Staying in the house all the time isn't good for you. Her reply would be Who will take care of the cleaning? How will I be able to watch my soap operas if Im off working?
What I did enjoy was going outside riding my mini bike, playing with my bb gun or wadding thru the mud with some of the neighborhood boys digging for worms so we could go fishing. I loved school and was fascinated by how things worked. My Dad was a tinkerer and he passed that trait down to me. He encouraged me to be nothing like my Mother lol  He always told me to get a good education, find myself a job so I could support myself and save my money. He never pushed the marriage thing down my throat, he never discouraged me from playing in the mud, he always encouraged me to be my OWN person.
So I would have to say my power comes from my own dominant traits and encouragement from my Father. Also the fact that I found my Mother's submissive example very distasteful had alot to do with it too. I thank the Goddess everyday that I am able to care for myself as I watch my Mother falling apart. My Dad suffered a stroke and a brain tumor 3 years ago, he barely survived and now is unable to make decisions. My Mother is being forced to do it and she is falling apart, she can't handle it. Someone always made the decisions for her and now she can't function. So alot of my time is now spent making decisions for the both of them.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/12/2006 2:15:01 PM   
Sevin


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline 		Isn't that always the all way?

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/13/2006 7:37:48 AM   
Circe40x


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline 		You certainly earned your whip, Mistress Rose! I get my power from my personality and natural assertiveness.I refuse to take crap from anyone.

(in reply to mistressrose10)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/13/2006 9:14:48 PM   
MistrssM


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I think my dominant tendancies are inate... being a spoiled only child raised by a divorced mother and grandmother I learned early on the power of the female to get by and get what they want.

I think my sense of power in many ways is a quiet power... I do not use physical force.. I do not scream and shout.. I can rule you with a whisper.. its all in the attitude... the confidence.. if I believe I deserve to be worshipped .. served....followed... I do not need to prove it  or force it... it will just be....

(in reply to Circe40x)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/14/2006 12:56:45 AM   
FourInchHeels


Posts: 32
Joined: 7/6/2006
Status: offline 		I'm much like MistrssM.  I don't have to use force, or issue threats or ultimatums. I treat My boys well, so they want to please Me.  My boys tell Me I "have a way" of getting what I want.
 
Being the fourth child out of six, I learned how to get what I wanted by quietly going after it.  "You get more flies with honey than with vinegar."

_____________________________

Do you like that, baby?

(in reply to MistrssM)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Where do you get your power? - 7/15/2006 2:02:02 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greeting to all
 
power comes from within my mother live through a childhood that would kill many of a woman she was young her mother passed away along with a littel baby. her brother he her with their father he married a woman who hate my mother and her brother she did everything she could to my mother made he eat thing that no child should ever have to endure she broke her hand place her hand in a pot og boiling water cut all of her long hari off but if they told they father she would get them her brother told he was death the next day. my mother married my fahter he try to kill her wiht a knife so long i saw this with my own eyes , i get my streght from my mother oh she could had turn into a abuser and beat use always but she never ever did she was a strong woman. she taught herself to read and write she was a lady she never cursed or yell but she had queit strenght if anyone came to bother us she was there to protect us from harm we grown up in a place so bad it was a night just  to go to school but none of us ever went to jail or ever was aressted we never brought home trouble do you know why she made us strong and we respect ourself this was more important then anything she taught me ways to make moeny no selling of anything illegal we work all of use my streght come from my mother who taught me never let even a friend use you for no reason before they began this thing of never leave your drink anywhere my mother told me this when i was seven years old it was old news to us we never left a thing near anyone yes my inner strenght is her
 
mons ( without respect you have nothing and if you do not respect yourself your nothing

(in reply to FourInchHeels)
Profile   Post #: 12
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