Cutting

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smileforme50 -> Cutting (10/7/2014 3:32:29 PM)
Over the years and many different websites, I have come across quite a few submissives who are or were at one time into cutting themselves. Not knife or razor play as a kink....but cutting as self mutilation. Up to this point I have always just looked at it a bit sideways and thought "why would someone want to do that to themselves?" Well....today reality reared its ugly head and this idea of "cutting" has hit way too close to home. While I was working today, my sister called me to tell me that her 12 year old daughter recently started cutting herself. In a way it is understandable. The girl has had a pretty rough summer. Her grandmother (my mother) that she was very close to passed away, then her dog died mysteriously, then right after that her mother (my sister) had a heart attack. My sister seems to have come out of it ok, but for this child to think of the possibility of losing 3 of the most important things in her life in such a short time, it's understandable that she is having trouble coping. But I wanted to ask people here....has anyone ever gone through this? Do you understand why you started cutting yourself? How did you stop? What can people around her do to help??

mefisto692 -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 4:07:34 PM)
She needs councelling - quick.

smileforme50 -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 4:17:24 PM)
Yeah.....we figured that one out already. She saw a counselor yesterday.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 4:39:15 PM)
Well, getting her into therapy is the best first step. Now, for you, her mom and her loved ones...be supportive, not judgmental, don't try to shame her about it. I'm not saying anyone is, just don't. Remind her often that you all love her and are there for her, and that absolutely nothing she tells you will change that. If she wants to talk, listen, but if she just wants to not talk (saving that for the therapist) that's ok, too. My heart goes out to the poor girl. Rough year, but it will get better.

LadyGox -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 4:55:45 PM)
I understand why I started cutting myself, it was because of the endorphin rush that comes as your body releases the chemicals that go with an injury. It's hacking your bodies chemistry similar the old housewives popping "mommies little helper". For me the cutting stopped after I was out of my childhood home which was abusive. The best thing for people around is to be supportive and make sure that she gets the tools she needs to deal with what she's going through emotionally.

GoddessManko -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 5:10:43 PM)
FR...I'm sorry to hear this, I hope for a speedy recovery for her. Cutting is an addiction, and addiction is a form of illness. I have read that cutting is usually drawn from allowing emotional pain to manifest physically. Figuring out the source of her emotional distress is hopefully what the therapist can do. Sometimes it takes a lot of digging as opening up might be hard for her. I'd say get rid of sharp objects in the home, as best to ability and maybe get her a diary so she can write about these things instead of allowing them to manifest in other ways. Boundaries in this regard should be respected and there should be an oath of privacy to never read it. Kids are big on boundaries. Just a suggestion that might help. A guitar might also help, maybe putting her feelings into song will help her get them out of her system in a more productive way. I'm not a professional by any means, I just "understand" the nature of internalizing things.

smileforme50 -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 5:46:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko FR...I'm sorry to hear this, I hope for a speedy recovery for her. Cutting is an addiction, and addiction is a form of illness. I have read that cutting is usually drawn from allowing emotional pain to manifest physically. Figuring out the source of her emotional distress is hopefully what the therapist can do. Sometimes it takes a lot of digging as opening up might be hard for her. I'd say get rid of sharp objects in the home, as best to ability and maybe get her a diary so she can write about these things instead of allowing them to manifest in other ways. Boundaries in this regard should be respected and there should be an oath of privacy to never read it. Kids are big on boundaries. Just a suggestion that might help. A guitar might also help, maybe putting her feelings into song will help her get them out of her system in a more productive way. I'm not a professional by any means, I just "understand" the nature of internalizing things. The diary is a good idea I will tell her mother about. She is actually an extremely intelligent and creative young lady. She is in the "gifted" program and is doing math and language at the 9th grade level. She writes stories (as a hobby) that you would never believe were written by a 12 year old. She is pretty artistic too....she gets that from her mother.

SweetnStormySub -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 5:57:21 PM)
My heart goes out to your niece and your family. I personally didn't cut, but I did work several years with a middle-aged woman who did. I walked in on her cutting in the ladies room one day, and thankfully had my cell on me. I held her until the ambulance came and asked her "why?" She said it was the only way she could run herself of pain. She imagined the pain flowing away from her with the blood...so maybe cutting is a coping mechanism for some. I will hold good thoughts and send positive energy to this precious child.

Gauge -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 6:46:16 PM)
This is a fast reply. I have never been a cutter, but I have known them and had one that was very close to me. When the person close to me started doing this, I was struggling terribly to try to understand why they were doing it, so I sat down with a friend who was a hardcore cutter and we talked for several hours on the subject. It is my understanding that people who are cutters do it for a lot of different reasons, but the most common one is not for the endorphin "rush" it is so they can feel something; the other common one is to release some type of emotional pain. The psychology is very difficult to understand because those that do not cut find it unnatural and therefore have difficulty relating to the physical manifestation of the emotional pain. The person I talked to had been rushed to the hospital several times because they cut too deep, this astounded me simply because I just couldn't understand the depth or reasoning behind inflicting self-harm like that. Cutters will find ways to cut if they have to. Taking sharp objects away will only make them get creative... if all else fails, they can always bite themselves. My best advice to you is to be supportive, loving, caring and most of all non-judgmental. Like anyone that is struggling, letting that person know that you are there for them at any hour day or night can be reassuring. Don't try to understand the cutting, I tried for a few years to understand it for my own curiosity and I could not get more than a surface understanding. Your niece has gone through a rough patch so hopefully this is a temporary thing that a therapist can help her with. I know this is distressing, I have been through this, and the only thing you can do is be there for her, and try to learn as much as you can about how to help her. A few other things, writing in a journal is a very good suggestion. In coping with my own mental illness, I found the medium of writing to be quite therapeutic because I could say things in my journal that I might not say to anyone else out loud. If she does journal, while it could be in a notebook, she might feel better if it were on the computer so she could password protect the document, thus ensuring her privacy. If it must be in a book, perhaps it could be kept in a locked box or similar thing so she can feel that it is completely private. In order for her to work things out she may have to write some terrible things in there, and she will never do that unless she feels totally safe to do so. Try not to smother her with an overabundance of caring... yes, it can happen. The reason that it can feel like smothering is that while people cared for her before, now that this has happened, people might tend to over do it, and after awhile it will drop off to where it was and it might feel to her like no one cares anymore. When you see her, let her know she is loved, cared for and if she ever wants to talk that you will be there for her. If she ever does come to you, listen... really and truly listen. Ask questions if you need to, but don't pry too much. Don't be judgmental of what she says, respect her feelings. Lastly, don't drive yourself crazy with worry. She is getting help, and there may be a lot more that is needed. This type of thing can be a long arduous process so be prepared for that... and if you spend that time worrying yourself to death, it is going to take a tremendous toll on you. Learn all you can about her diagnosis, the more information you have, the better your ability to be a positive participant in her treatment. Hang in there. If you want to discuss this with me further, feel free to PM me.

quizzicalkitten -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 7:00:39 PM)
Make sure your actions match your words. I started cutting after being raped several times and miscarrying the resulting baby, and not feeling like I could tell my parents the truth. They were all we love you and care for you,we are here for you always we will never abandon you..... but would show signs of disgust when confronted with things like rape and pregnant teens.. When I asked my dad about rape in relation to a tv show he said things that made me feel like I couldnt tell him. They also kicked me out when the cutting and acting out got to bad at 13 and didnt come looking for me when I left home at 15(not really their fault with dad being seriously ill) You can love and care and concern all you want but if theres a shred doubt in that it wont matter. It took several years to tell my mom and my dad to be on his death bed for me to tell him... Also for me therapy and talking and counseling didnt help while I was cutting. It was forced and annoying and I was really really really mean to a lot of the shrinks I was thrust upon, it did more harm then good for me personally because of the anger of being forced and helpless to do anything about it was a trigger and made me hurt myself worse.

smileforme50 -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 8:15:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge This is a fast reply. I have never been a cutter, but I have known them and had one that was very close to me. When the person close to me started doing this, I was struggling terribly to try to understand why they were doing it, so I sat down with a friend who was a hardcore cutter and we talked for several hours on the subject. It is my understanding that people who are cutters do it for a lot of different reasons, but the most common one is not for the endorphin "rush" it is so they can feel something; the other common one is to release some type of emotional pain. The psychology is very difficult to understand because those that do not cut find it unnatural and therefore have difficulty relating to the physical manifestation of the emotional pain. The person I talked to had been rushed to the hospital several times because they cut too deep, this astounded me simply because I just couldn't understand the depth or reasoning behind inflicting self-harm like that. Cutters will find ways to cut if they have to. Taking sharp objects away will only make them get creative... if all else fails, they can always bite themselves. My best advice to you is to be supportive, loving, caring and most of all non-judgmental. Like anyone that is struggling, letting that person know that you are there for them at any hour day or night can be reassuring. Don't try to understand the cutting, I tried for a few years to understand it for my own curiosity and I could not get more than a surface understanding. Your niece has gone through a rough patch so hopefully this is a temporary thing that a therapist can help her with. I know this is distressing, I have been through this, and the only thing you can do is be there for her, and try to learn as much as you can about how to help her. A few other things, writing in a journal is a very good suggestion. In coping with my own mental illness, I found the medium of writing to be quite therapeutic because I could say things in my journal that I might not say to anyone else out loud. If she does journal, while it could be in a notebook, she might feel better if it were on the computer so she could password protect the document, thus ensuring her privacy. If it must be in a book, perhaps it could be kept in a locked box or similar thing so she can feel that it is completely private. In order for her to work things out she may have to write some terrible things in there, and she will never do that unless she feels totally safe to do so. Try not to smother her with an overabundance of caring... yes, it can happen. The reason that it can feel like smothering is that while people cared for her before, now that this has happened, people might tend to over do it, and after awhile it will drop off to where it was and it might feel to her like no one cares anymore. When you see her, let her know she is loved, cared for and if she ever wants to talk that you will be there for her. If she ever does come to you, listen... really and truly listen. Ask questions if you need to, but don't pry too much. Don't be judgmental of what she says, respect her feelings. Lastly, don't drive yourself crazy with worry. She is getting help, and there may be a lot more that is needed. This type of thing can be a long arduous process so be prepared for that... and if you spend that time worrying yourself to death, it is going to take a tremendous toll on you. Learn all you can about her diagnosis, the more information you have, the better your ability to be a positive participant in her treatment. Hang in there. If you want to discuss this with me further, feel free to PM me. Thank you very much for this information....this is what I was looking for.

smileforme50 -> RE: Cutting (10/7/2014 8:17:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: quizzicalkitten Make sure your actions match your words. I started cutting after being raped several times and miscarrying the resulting baby, and not feeling like I could tell my parents the truth. They were all we love you and care for you,we are here for you always we will never abandon you..... but would show signs of disgust when confronted with things like rape and pregnant teens.. When I asked my dad about rape in relation to a tv show he said things that made me feel like I couldnt tell him. They also kicked me out when the cutting and acting out got to bad at 13 and didnt come looking for me when I left home at 15(not really their fault with dad being seriously ill) You can love and care and concern all you want but if theres a shred doubt in that it wont matter. It took several years to tell my mom and my dad to be on his death bed for me to tell him... Also for me therapy and talking and counseling didnt help while I was cutting. It was forced and annoying and I was really really really mean to a lot of the shrinks I was thrust upon, it did more harm then good for me personally because of the anger of being forced and helpless to do anything about it was a trigger and made me hurt myself worse. Thank you....this is also what I was looking for....firsthand experiences.

smileforme50 -> RE: Cutting (10/8/2014 3:27:07 AM)
I wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who has read this posting and taken the time to respond. I have also gotten quite a few private responses and I wanted to let each of you know that you have given me some things to think about and talk to her mother about, and I think it will help. Thank you all. smiles

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Cutting (10/8/2014 4:49:19 AM)
This might be controversial advice, but teach her about avoiding infection. I know it might sound like enabling her to do it, but chances are it will continue in some form or another until she works through what's troubling her and learns new coping methods. Make sure she knows about cleaning the wound and the blade and that she is being careful. It might sound counter intuitive but self-harm doesn't necessarily mean she wants to suffer - in many ways it can be an act of self-care. When I self harmed it wasn't so much about self-loathing as it was about cutting through the fog of despair. The sharp pain was like a bright light shining through the storm clouds or a tiny patch of solid ground in the quicksand. The emotional pain is both overwhelming and hard to understand and express. Physical injuries are more concrete and so it's about displacing the pain into a form that's easier to manage. It's an unhealthy coping method, but it IS a coping method. She is doing the best she can. For me, watching scabs gradually heal was also very soothing - like watching that particular painful thought fade away. Don't make her feel like she's done something bad or wrong. Be willing to talk but don't insist on it. Don't treat her like she's make of glass, either. If she's expected to do chores and speak politely, then keep holding her to those standards. If the family sense of humour is to make fun of each other, don't suddenly stop doing that. Being treated like you're fragile sends the not-so-subtle message that you're damaged and ill which can make things worse. Cut her some slack in that she's likely to be upset but don't treat her like a baby. And talk to her about suicide. No one wants to mention it for fear of putting the idea in her head, but it doesn't work like that. She knows suicide exists. It's ok to ask her outright if she's been thinking about it. I'm not saying she's suicidal - actually I think it's pretty unlikely since self harm is often a form of self-preservation. But if she IS, then she needs to know it's not taboo and she can approach you/her mum/her therapist for help, and if she isn't, she won't suddenly want to die because you mentioned it. Respect the privacy of the therapy room - no one should push her to tell them what they discussed. But, on the other hand, if and when they start coming up with ideas for alternative ways of dealing with her pain, it's a good idea to ask what they are so you can support them or remind her of them when she gets overwhelmed.

LittleGirlHeart -> RE: Cutting (10/13/2014 7:57:25 PM)
Yup. I started cutting myself when i was 11ish. It was a way to control something. To.express the inner pain in an external way. It was very satisfying. How can people stop? The answer issimple and complex. Simple, find better coping skills, the complex part, finding and doing the work for thoseskills. quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 Over the years and many different websites, I have come across quite a few submissives who are or were at one time into cutting themselves. Not knife or razor play as a kink....but cutting as self mutilation. Up to this point I have always just looked at it a bit sideways and thought "why would someone want to do that to themselves?" Well....today reality reared its ugly head and this idea of "cutting" has hit way too close to home. While I was working today, my sister called me to tell me that her 12 year old daughter recently started cutting herself. In a way it is understandable. The girl has had a pretty rough summer. Her grandmother (my mother) that she was very close to passed away, then her dog died mysteriously, then right after that her mother (my sister) had a heart attack. My sister seems to have come out of it ok, but for this child to think of the possibility of losing 3 of the most important things in her life in such a short time, it's understandable that she is having trouble coping. But I wanted to ask people here....has anyone ever gone through this? Do you understand why you started cutting yourself? How did you stop? What can people around her do to help??

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