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Questions for a Pro-Domme... - 10/8/2014 8:14:22 PM

oktoberfesh

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/8/2014
Status: offline

I have some genuine questions for the Pro-Dommes out there. I realize that these are broad and everyone may have their own views. These questions revolve around creating a lasting (business) relationship that is beneficial to both sides. I have read a number of guides to seeing Pro-Dommes, but none seem to cover these questions.

- I have mostly played with long term partners - is it possible to have anything that even approaches that same type of connection/chemistry with a Professional ?

- From a Pro-Domme perspective, which is more preferable - longer sessions that may be say, every few months apart, or more regular shorter sessions (assuming that the financials are the same).

- I have multiple 'fetishes' - sometimes I'd like more of a bondage session, sometimes a role play session, sometimes a slave etc - My experience is so far that a
Professional wants to put me in a 'box' - is it acceptable to negotiate an entirely different session each time ? Doesn't this get tiresome for a Domme ?

- Given the above, is it better to see multiple Dommes that may for example, specialize in one fetish or another or, try and build that relationship with one (not talking about limits here, more about the Dommes interests and equipment etc) ?

- When I see a professional, at the start I am nervous, at the end I'm too in subspace to express myself properly - I'm concerned that I just come over all wrong - any hints or tips on getting over this ?

- Given a wide range of fetishes, is it better to indicate this to the Domme, and leave her to be creative, or is it better to be very specific about the scene ?
Which do you Pro-Dommes prefer, a client that gives a general idea of what they want and looks to you to create the scene or someone who is more specific ?

Thank you in advance - I very much appreciate your time in reading this post/responding.

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RE: Questions for a Pro-Domme... - 10/9/2014 7:41:22 PM

MissKatya

Posts: 341
Joined: 12/21/2007
From: NYC
Status: offline

Hi Oktoberfesh,

I'm a Pro-Domme but I just want to go on record and state that I'm not here for that, I'm here for the free cookies and milk-you know there are free cookies, right?

But I think I may be able to answer a question or two ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: oktoberfesh
- I have mostly played with long term partners - is it possible to have anything that even approaches that same type of connection/chemistry with a Professional ?

Yes, it is. A giant misconception about Professional Domination is that because there is a monetary exchange, it lacks a personal connection, which is not the case. People choose certain professions for a reason-they enjoy it. A Domme is no different. Many Pro-Dommes have a few subs that they have been playing with for many years. It's about connection and chemistry. I have a few subs who I have been playing with for many years (My longest is 9 years). We have come to know each other very well and feed off of each others energy in session. We have a great connection.

quote:

- From a Pro-Domme perspective, which is more preferable - longer sessions that may be say, every few months apart, or more regular shorter sessions (assuming that the financials are the same).

I think it depends on the Domme. I know some who enjoy doing shorter but more frequent sessions and some who would rather play for multiple hours but prefer not to session as much. Personally, I'm one of those Dommes who enjoy the session marathon of multiple hours of play but prefer to I play less frequently.

quote:

- I have multiple 'fetishes' - sometimes I'd like more of a bondage session, sometimes a role play session, sometimes a slave etc - My experience is so far that a
Professional wants to put me in a 'box' - is it acceptable to negotiate an entirely different session each time ? Doesn't this get tiresome for a Domme ?

It's acceptable and preferred. The key to an excellent session is communicating your interests and making sure you are on the right page. On the same note, you want to keep the negotiation within reason. Unless it requires detail (such as a role-play scenario or hard limits), we prefer that you cover the basics on your interests and let us lead the way. I get inquiries where men outline their sessions all the way down to how I am to walk into the room and what words I am supposed to use. I opt not to see those individuals because they don't want a Domme-they want an actress and I know that I wouldn't enjoy myself in session.

quote:

- Given the above, is it better to see multiple Dommes that may for example, specialize in one fetish or another or, try and build that relationship with one (not talking about limits here, more about the Dommes interests and equipment etc) ?

Yes and no. It depends on the fetishes. I have subs who will session with me because I specialize in heavy rubber and corporal punishment and he will go see another Domme who specializes in another fetish because that Domme appeals to that particular interest in a different manner than I would. I have a sub who has his Dommes chosen by the states he visits. From what you have mentioned above (playing with long term play partners) it sounds like you would feel more comfortable with one Domme than to session with different Dommes for different fetishes. If I am correct on my assumption, then it's just a question of doing some research to find the right one and then establishing a trusting rapport.

quote:

- When I see a professional, at the start I am nervous, at the end I'm too in subspace to express myself properly - I'm concerned that I just come over all wrong - any hints or tips on getting over this ?

Yes-don't worry about it-lol. After a session, I like to discuss the highlights of the session but I will also instruct the sub to email me a few days later, when they are able to collect their thoughts and give honest feedback, whether it is negative or positive. I know that not every Domme likes to do that or can do that (I'm an independent Domme so I have more flexibility with how I engage with clientele, house Dommes don't always have that option) so ask after the session if it is ok for you to write your feedback via email. Explain how subspace effects you and I'm sure they will be more than happy to receive an email from you.

quote:

- Given a wide range of fetishes, is it better to indicate this to the Domme, and leave her to be creative, or is it better to be very specific about the scene ?

Let her be creative. Too much control over the scene and you will be topping from the bottom and I can tell you from a personal perspective, I will not see anyone who does that. Give her some hints, emphasis on what part of the interest that you need in order to get your juices flowing (ex: you love when you have your nipples twisted during CBT) and let her put the creative twist on it. The thrill is not knowing what is going to happen next.

quote:

Which do you Pro-Dommes prefer, a client that gives a general idea of what they want and looks to you to create the scene or someone who is more specific ?

General idea. Give me a list of your interests so I know that we are compatible and let me take the wheel. I like pushing boundaries.

I hope this helps answer your questions :)

_____________________________

"The desire to inflict pain, that is all that is uppermost"-Albert Fish

(in reply to oktoberfesh)

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RE: Questions for a Pro-Domme... - 10/9/2014 8:35:52 PM

oktoberfesh

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/8/2014
Status: offline

MissKatya,

Thank you so SO much for your answers - I very much appreciate the time you spent responding to each of the points.
This has really helped me out - and your read was correct - given my background in playing with long term partners, I would be more comfortable finding the 'right' professional - I think it's awesome that you have a 9 year client, that really does give me some optimism that building that connection is possible, despite a monetary exchange is possible. I really don't mind paying - toys and play spaces are expensive - I understand that :)

Your post absolutely answered my questions and really helped me gain perspective from the other side..the fact that you've been on this site for 7 years, and posted 7 times, is also not lost on me - and I truly appreciate that you responded to my post.

Thank you again - your post really made my day - I think I'm on the right track, but I can clearly refine my approach in a couple of areas.

Appreciated
oktoberfesh

(in reply to MissKatya)

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RE: Questions for a Pro-Domme... - 10/13/2014 6:37:55 AM

EmpressElsa

Posts: 37
Joined: 10/12/2014
From: Western Upstate, New York
Status: offline

- I have mostly played with long term partners - is it possible to have anything that even approaches that same type of connection/chemistry with a Professional ?

Absolutely! I'm not going to say it's going to happen with any ProDomme you see, but a good match and long term sessioning can lead to a fantastic connection! Some of my fondest memories are with subs who have visited for professional sessions. Even though we no longer live close enough to see each other, I am still in contact with many of my former visitors. If I find myself in their area I would still see them for fun or even just to have dinner together.

- From a Pro-Domme perspective, which is more preferable - longer sessions that may be say, every few months apart, or more regular shorter sessions (assuming that the financials are the same).

Every ProDomme will be different in this regard, and it will depend on the visiting submissive as well. I tend to get bored easily so I prefer longer sessions further apart. It stays "fresh" to me that way and I can plan more involved training and play scenes. I can take my time during the session without feeling like I'm not going to be able to include everything that I want to.

- I have multiple 'fetishes' - sometimes I'd like more of a bondage session, sometimes a role play session, sometimes a slave etc - My experience is so far that a
Professional wants to put me in a 'box' - is it acceptable to negotiate an entirely different session each time ? Doesn't this get tiresome for a Domme ?

I do not negotiate sessions, though I believe many ProDommes do. I do not see what I do as providing a service so my style of ProDomming is different than many others. Each session utilizes my skills to take you where I want you. Additionally, I do not engage in certain activities, while other activities depend on whether or not I am in the mood to do that; thus, negotiating a session is not something I will do. I treat my pro sessions more like lifestyle engagements. With that being said, I will allow a visitor to tell me that he has been thinking an awful lot about bondage (or whatever) lately, and I will make a mental note of it. If that activity is something I want to do that day, and the visitor has been well-behaved, I will include it. I do this only in the most general terms though. How I go about the activity will be solely at my discretion.

- Given the above, is it better to see multiple Dommes that may for example, specialize in one fetish or another or, try and build that relationship with one (not talking about limits here, more about the Dommes interests and equipment etc) ?

I think you may have to seek out more than one ProDomme depending on how many different interests you have. Not every Dommes enjoys or is equipped for every fetish. But there is no reason that you couldn't build a relationship with each of them.

- When I see a professional, at the start I am nervous, at the end I'm too in subspace to express myself properly - I'm concerned that I just come over all wrong - any hints or tips on getting over this ?

I think you may see that your initial nervousness goes away after a visit or two, then you may see it replaced with excitement. Time and trust will do that for you. It's perfectly acceptable to let the Domme know you are nervous. Also, it is fine to send an email after you come down from subspace and process the session. I love getting those thank-you emails later on. Feedback was always important to me.

- Given a wide range of fetishes, is it better to indicate this to the Domme, and leave her to be creative, or is it better to be very specific about the scene ?

I have always thought it totally went against the point of being dominated when a visitor to my dungeon tried to script his session—I don't see those types.

Which do you Pro-Dommes prefer, a client that gives a general idea of what they want and looks to you to create the scene or someone who is more specific ?

I take the time to chat with a prospective visitor to my dungeon. I want to know that we enjoy similar activities and that his style of submission/fetishism matches my style of dominance. I want to know what gets his motor revving so I can see if we are compatible and will enjoy each other's company. I want to know that I will actually like him as a person. After we see that we have matching interests, I want him to relax and let go of control. Actual domination is the foundation of every session I do so I have an intense dislike for specificity. I want to take him where I want him as opposed to being a mere facilitator of his fantasies and fetishes; to me this defeats the whole purpose of what I want to be doing. However, I know of ProDommes who like for you to tell them EXACTLY what you are looking for so they can execute it, and they can be frustrated with visitors who don't do this. I recommend asking the prospective Domme what her preference is since there is so much variation between Dommes.

Thank you in advance - I very much appreciate your time in reading this post/responding.

You're welcome. I hope it helped.

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RE: Questions for a Pro-Domme... - 10/13/2014 6:24:32 PM

oktoberfesh

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/8/2014
Status: offline

EmpressElsa,

Thank you very much in taking the time to respond - and yes, it helped, a lot.
I'm hugely encouraged that it sounds like it is worth the time and effort in building a longer term/lasting relationship with a professional, and your advice (and MissKatya's) has helped me in adjusting my approach in some areas, and affirmed my approach in others.
I specifically liked your point about getting bored - I had not considered that. My personal preference is for longer sessions less often, mainly because i don't want either side to be 'clock watching' but I also think that's going to make building a relationship harder because of the time gap, but to your point, the gap can keep things fresh and more enjoyable for both.

Thank you so much for your reply, I genuinely appreciate the help.

Respectfully,
oktoberfesh

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